Creating Habit and Instinct

Current Tunes: “L.A. Confidential” on TV; good movie.

It's a long post, but it's worth it. At least I think so.

Note #1:

I had a quaint little idea pop into my head today. Only current/former Magic players will get the analogy, but nonetheless I must share.

I realized for quite a while I’ve been living a life where every turn I skip my upkeep phase. It’s a very important phase; it comes before your one free draw every turn. That draw is your resource, your reward. But first comes the upkeep, where you pay your costs and reap the benefits of the cards that demanded this sacrifice.

So what are upkeep costs in normal life? Cleaning your room, doing dishes, working out in the gym, eating healthier, etc. I skipped these activities far too often and lots benefits & resources as a consequence. A more in-depth example: the past two weeks I’d been feeling physically (and as a consequence, mentally) quite rundown. I couldn’t find any energy or strength to pick myself up. Today, I worked out and that short investment gave me confidence and energy to do more things, like do a blog post today and clean up my room more.

I need to stop skipping my upkeep. I need to maintain my life on a day-to-day basis., in order to be healthier, productive, significant life. Day-to-day is the key part. I maintained my life before, but mostly on something more like a bimonthly basis. Frequency is key. Success is achievable.

Note #2:

I’m giving new thought to incorporating something into my life that I have all but rejected the past several years. After attending a friend’s wedding at a Catholic church last week, the experience left an impact on me I haven’t been able to shake. I think I want to find a spiritual/religious organization to devote myself to.

What I desire out of this idea is one simple word: community. Friends are much like community, but they are still different. My friends, I love you all, but not many of my friends share my specific spiritual/philosophical views on life, politics, the world, etc and I want to find a community where I can come together with a sizable group of like-minded individuals with the same (or close to the same) ideals and outlooks that I have.

I’ve considered that perhaps a religious organization is not what I need, just a group focused around atheists & agnostics. But the one thing that kind of group is missing is ritual. The ritual of the wedding was what had grabbed me so much. The magic and mystique of the ritual is what attracts me. I can't explain it much deeper than that. A sense of power comes over me when I think about the execution of the rites and traditions. I want to be a part of that.

Though I have certainly eliminated Christianity (along w/ Islam & Buddhism) as options for this venture of mine, I have to admit it would be somewhat ideal to just go to Catholic service for years and years. However, I don’t think it would go over well to just explain to the congregation “No, I don’t believe in God. No, I don’t want to be confirmed. I just want to hang out and enjoy the community and ritual.” I think they’d consider me something close to psychotic.

So beyond some atheism group, there is one serious option I’m considering, that for now I won’t mention because of plenty of stigma attached to this group of people; I don't want to frighten or confuse anyone right now. I’m trying to do the research; learn about different teachings & sects. I want to make an informed decision.

Even with all this said, it’s a very real possibility that I could find myself trying to attend services or meetings or whatever for whichever group I choose to try out, but I’ll still pretty much be an atheist at heart, not truly believing in the teachings just attending and enjoying for the sake of being around people.

I don’t think this will be an easy search. But I have confidence I can make something of it. Ideas and suggestions and thoughts are always welcome.