Movie Time

Current Tunes: Bloc Party – Like Eating Glass

So with my time in Florence I saw not one, not two, but three total films at the theater. Up until this weekend, I had seen only two films all year, so I increased my count by 150%. I figured I’d use today’s post to run down the films I saw…

First up, “Angels & Demons.” Why it was better than a history class in college: more comfortable seats and no comprehensive final exam once it was over. More seriously, if even half the stuff that movie posits about the Catholic church is true, all I’ve got is: “Holy Crap.” The plot was pretty horrendous, in terms of believability and plausibility, but I don’t suppose that was really the point. Tom Hanks/Robert Langdon was pretty wooden and mindless, just like he was in “Da Vinci.” You can do better Tom, you really can. The concept of the movie was cool though, much more interesting that “Da Vinci’s” concept. I enjoyed myself, I was in suspense, but I felt kinda dirty and icky after it was all over.

Next, “The Hangover.” Todd Phillips is a credit to America. I absolutely love how there is no joke and no situation Phillips is afraid to tackle. There’s a scene where a baby is strapped to a guy’s chest, and another idiot opens the car door and slams it into the baby, who obviously starts crying. The baby’s fine, but more importantly this is just a movie, just fiction. More than one person in the theater I know felt awkward because of the scene; I couldn’t stop laughing. That’s how Todd Phillips operates, he pushes buttons. Zach Galafanakis. That’s the name they should be calling out for the Best Actor Oscar next year. So amazing; he sold every line down to the last word, the last syllable. This movie made me desperately want to sell everything I own and hitchhike to Vegas.

Third and finally… Yes, the rumors are true, I saw “Star Trek.” Or, as I will forever refer to it: “The Tale of Two Films.” The start is phenomenal. The opening scene was absolutely perfect, I had cold chills as the screen faded to black and the sun rose on the spinning “Star Trek” logo. The story set up, watching Kirk waste away his life was absolutely brilliant. I wish they would have just stuck with that; it wouldn’t make sense of course, but I couldn’t help but wonder how much different the world of “Star Trek” would be if Kirk didn’t get on that transport ship to the Academy. Seeing the world of the young and growing Academy was interesting too. I got pulled in really well, and I had started to believe that I had been wrong in judging this movie.

But then the plot truly revealed itself. Once I realized all the villain wanted was revenge and to watch shit blow up, I got really tired and depressed. Villains like that always end up getting defeated; not because the plot dictates it (well, ok, yes because of that) but also because they’re too brain-dead and sightless to pose any sort of challenge. To better illustrate my point, the guy is a Romulan miner for fuck’s sake. How intimidating is that? Not very. Khan was a literal machine of super intelligence and death-making. That’s why he could go the revenge route and make it work, because he wasn’t just some other schmuck (like Nero is). I was literally falling asleep through the second half of the film.

I could go on about this for a long while, I’ll try to stop eventually. Karl Urban was great. He had Bones’ mannerisms and accent down to a T. That’s a lot of praise from me, considering Bones has just about always been my least favorite original series character (for no good reason at all, I will concede). Whoever played Chekov, thumbs up to you as well. You will not go unsung.

Dear Simon Pegg, I’m so sorry that Abrams and the screenwriters screwed you as hard as they did. But remember, you get the last laugh because “Shaun of the Dead” will be remembered long after the other 4 or 5 films in this new reboot series have all but killed the “Star Trek” franchise.

Apparently Romulan mining ships are some of the most poorly designed ships ever. The bloomin’ thing looked like a reject for some “Mad Max” vehicle. It’s pretty insulting to think the Romulans can’t design a better ship.

/end rant