The Best Authority on the Bestest

Current Tunes: The Sword – Tres Brujas

List-driven articles are not works of journalism, at all. I’m just as suckered in by these “best of” lists as anyone else, and they’re definitely a source of guilty pleasure for me, but I think VH1, that bastion of objectivity and credibility, I think finally put together a “best of” list that has completely driven me away from the concept for good.

When first presented with the idea that VH1 had done a “100 Greatest Artists” list, a little voice went off in my head, screaming how this was a horrible idea and could in no way be a fair representation of rock and roll history. I was right of course, but it had to be confirmed. I had no idea what was waiting for me, and as usual, I wish I had never even looked at the list.

Let’s start with Rage Against the Machine. I’m a fan of this band. A little bit. If you know me, this should not be news to you. RATM ranked #48 on this list. RATM ranked ahead of unquestionable legends like Otis Redding, The Doors, Rush, Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers, Judas Priest, Run-D.M.C., Elvis Costello, Little Richard, and plenty of other noteworthy artists and bands from multiple genres. I’m here to tell you, RATM’s contributions to rock and roll history can’t even possibly stack up to Little Richard. That’s just ludicrous. Let’s think about inspirations for a minute. RATM probably doesn’t happen without Run D.M.C and Public Enemy, both of whom did proto rap/rock songs with popular rock bands. Run D.M.C. and Public Enemy inspire RATM. But what did RATM inspire? Korn? Limp Bizkit? Bands that didn’t make the list at all.

Other travesties on this list involved ranking Ray Charles #43, then putting Metallica right above him at #42. Or how about Tina Turner coming in at #34, but Guns ‘n Roses (AKA the most overrated rock band in history) getting the #33 spot? I just cannot stomach the thought of ranking Tina Turner, who survived an inhumane wave of abuse and violence, below a band featuring a singer who more than once stormed off stage in a child-like temper tantrum and even once assaulted a fan mid-concert.

What was funny to me was the top 10 choices were almost completely agreeable. Almost. Prince was at #7, putting him above James Brown. I cannot even fathom any possible logic or system VH1 had to use in order to rank Prince above a guy he owes his entire career to.

Led Zeppelin fairly deserved a top 10 spot, but #4 seems a bit high. That put them just above The Rolling Stones who had the #5 slot. I don’t see how the big LZ can be put over the Stones when LZ has been disbanded and inactive for the past couple decades while Jagger & Co. continue to tour and entertain worldwide. I guess longevity and dedication don’t always translate into true appreciation, do they?

So why do magazines and TV shows thrive on articles like this? Because they stir up debate, mostly. And look at me, contributing to the cycle… Ugh. They also capture your attention pretty easily, and can be a quick way to drive ratings. Similarly, online plenty of sites will put up lists like this, a top 10 or 20, and make an individual page for every slot, so you end up clicking ten different links to their sites in an attempt to read what is really only one article. So on the surface it looks like their site is getting lots of traffic. Ingenious.

I think people look to these articles for some sort of peer evaluation, in a sad and meaningless way. Media outlets that aren’t the absolute tip-top on the authority ladder (like for music, Rolling Stone the magazine) of a subject write up of a list that they hope will get the approval of the leaders just to squeeze out a little bit of credibility. But let me tell you, VH1, that you have no damn respectability at all. You came up with the show “Best Week Ever,” which is quite an ironic title because it’s really one of the worst television shows ever. You also thought Chris Jericho, a professional wrestler, would be some fantastic authority on pop culture. I like Jericho and all, but any time he’s been on one of your specials, this insanity he calls language that comes out of his mouth causes small hemorrhages in my head.

Why can’t you and your big sister MTV just go back to playing music videos 24 hours a day? “Well,” says Mr. Corporate TV Executive CEO guy, “People don’t sit in front of the TV for an hour straight watching music videos. They consume one or two videos, then change over to something else. So our advertisers aren’t getting their money’s worth.”

There you have it.

The good news is the dominant paradigm, like it always does, is changing. Magazines are a dying media outlet. And television use is down as well, thanks to the unstoppable power of the Internet. I’m sure people’s fascination with list-journalism won’t change along with how they consume text media, as much as I wish it would. But that doesn’t mean I can’t change myself. Screw list culture. I’ve got better things to do.

Return to Form

Current Tunes: Down - Never Try

To call it a hiatus would be a misnomer, now wouldn’t it? It’s been a tad more than seven months since I put anything up here. That’s far too long. I hope you missed me of course. How silly is that to say? Of course I hope you missed me, everyone wants to be missed.

I stayed away for so long because I’m an incomplete human being, and I get overwhelmed sometimes. It’s not to say I haven’t been busy, because I have. In the time since we last met, I’ve been working a steady job, moved to a new apartment, and have completely finished my thesis, receiving my master’s degree in the process. That was a long process, to say the least. A two year commitment has finally come full circle. I’m the first person on my mom’s side of the family to ever receive a graduate degree of any kind. A personal point of pride, right?

I’m glad to be back doing this. I want to take a moment and personally thank everyone who told that they missed reading my blog posts, or poked and prodded me to get back to posting. That’s precisely what I needed to get Quantifiable Darkness up and running again: encouragement. So thank you for that.

There’s not much in the way of specific material I want to cover here at the start, but I will say a few words about what’s been on my mind the past week or so: football.

This is my favorite time of the year, no doubt about it. Every weekend there are 100 different little battles to witness, teams scrambling their way to the top, hoping for a shot at eternal gridiron glory. In football season, the weekend transforms. In other seasons the weekend is just an escape from work, but in football season the weekend becomes a thing to cherish. In football season, the weekend becomes so much shorter though; time just disappears.

That’s the dangerous part of this time of year for me…

With school done and the weight of that off my shoulders, the proper thing for me to do is use this time wisely to work on major projects. My thesis is completed, but that thesis is just the start of a book. I have so much more to do to complete that book. I have other projects I want to start on too, which includes doing some short story collections and fleshing out a sci-fi novel. Blogging on here regularly as well. Not to mention the brutally painful process of trying to find a legitimate, salaried job. There's a lot on my plate.

I can’t exhaust too much time on weekends just slopping down in front of the TV for hours on end watching football. It’ll be a tough trend to break; it’s something I’ve done for years on end. And I love doing it. But I have to remember there are more important things than football. There's a fairly simple way to combat my habit of engrossing myself in football all weekend. Usually on Sunday evenings, after the second round of NFL games get done, it begins to dawn on me that the evening is coming to a close. I almost always get this sick feeling in my stomach right around then. It's a tidal wave of guilt and shame that folds over on top of me as I realize I spent a whole day doing nothing productive. If I'm going to get things done, if I'm going to avoid wasting all my free hours on football, I think all I have to do is remember that god-awful feeling. I have to remind myself that to avoid that feeling, I have to regulate my football time and put forth a heartfelt effort to produce and create.

I have a secret love for large projects. I say it's secret because it doesn't always show through in how I act, but it really is there. I can let myself become quite engrossed in something when I want to be. This affection for real, creative involvement in something somehow gets easily overridden by other activities, and that is something I am going to work on as a person. Blogging here regularly (Monday, Wednesday, & Friday) will work towards that goal.