Quantifiable Darkness

Muse-worthy

2010-10-11T07:38:00.003-05:00

Current Tunes: Sipping hot tea from a plastic mug

I think as a writer you can be either inspired by the world or you can be crushed by it. Writers are observers, everyone knows this. Writers ingest the events and people of the world and translate the experience into a new one, the most important kind of experience human beings know: the story. At least, that’s what prolific, hard-working, devoted writers do. Those are the kind of writers who get inspired by the world. So I’ve got to make a choice: Am I going to be inspired by what I see in this world or am I going to be crushed by it?

Most often I’m completely crushed by the world. Poverty, torture, deceit, subjugation, manipulation, stagnation, procrastination, alienation, it ruins the soul. It’s easily surmountable for other writers with a damn backbone, or with better health, or a more stable existence. I’d mostly like to attribute it to pure motivation; that’s what gets them through the day, the writers who succeed. But I have no motivation, so it’s not as simple, obviously.

To talk about the philosophical, moral, spiritual implications of inspiration versus despair is a topic far too long for this forum. More than that, I'm not wholly convinced I'm prepared to share my perspective with the entire Internet proper. It goes without saying that inspiration is the more suitable, more desirable choice. What else needs to be said except I do not choose it because... Well, I don't suppose I really know why.

I wanted to become a writer because it used to be a magical process for me. In middle school, I knew I could form sentences according to the rules set forth by my teachers. But it took me a few times just trying for the hell of it to find out I could actually write. It was invigorating. I miss that. Writing used to be that, instead of being a chore.

Having your creativity zapped out of you can do that, I think. I have a sinking feeling that’s what happened to me. It’s hard to stay on track. I’ve heard lots and lots of professional, well-off writers talk about writing, and they all say completely different things. They all have different aesthetic values, different processes, different environments they like to write in. It’s really fascinating, learning how these people all bend over backwards just to write a book or a novel. But, despite the broad spectrum of approaches people across genres and topics take, all of these people I’ve heard talk about writing actually do have one thing in common that they say. “If you’re really a writer, you will write everyday.”

I’m not a writer. I don’t write everyday, not even close. That bugs the shit out of me. It’s absolutely horrifying, really. I want to write everyday, though, and that’s the frustrating part. At the end of the day when I curl into bed to get my night’s rest, most times one of my finals thoughts before I drift off is “Goddammit, why didn’t I write something today?” It’s heart wrenching. It’s depressing. It’s disgusting. It’s intolerable.

So why don’t I just buckle down and write everyday? The plain fact is I willfully allow other, less important events and activities to take precedence. These things override writing because they are safer, they are easier. I freely admit I avoid failure through the most common avenue traveled: I simply do not try from the start. I cannot fail if I do not try. I cannot be forced to confront my weaknesses if I do not put forth any effort. And as a consequence, I resign to mediocrity.

Distractions make it so much easier to continue this cycle of behavior, too. “I can start writing tomorrow. For now, I’ll play Xbox.” Then I sit lifelessly in a chair staring lost and alone into a screen, engaged in a false event because real ones are too frightening and too consequential to even possibly be confronted.

There are lost years of my life I cannot get back. I could have written ten or more books by now if I had just taken a few minutes to sit down and think and realize that nothing I was doing at the time was meaningful or lasting. Just like nothing I’m doing now is meaningful or lasting. At least I’m aware of it now. I can do something about it.

I remember my Dead & Livejournal accounts. I wrote some really great, really fun stuff in there. I fondly remember sitting in computer labs in Tuscaloosa writing those posts, listening to music and being completely alive in those hour-long spans. I wrote lots of stuff when I was at Alabama that I’m proud of, as flawed and naïve as all that material is. I’m proud of it because I liked it. I’m proud of it because all that material, at least what I remember of it, was honest and passionate and convicted. I haven’t written hardly anything since then that I was so purely invested in. The things I write now, it’s like I’ve forgotten how to feel.

When you write, and you’re doing it correctly, you’re achieving your maximum amount of feeling. The needle is pushed beyond the edge of measurement. You sense and perceive all facets of time and space at once. Mostly through the deception lens of memory, but that's close enough to the truth to last. It stays immediate and concrete as much as it can. I want to return to that place, where the intensity of creation redlines your consciousness and puts you into overdrive. In these precious moments, through the haze of wonderment and excitement, you can briefly turn your head to the side and see the future, crystal clear.

Not Falling For This (Down Boy!)

2010-09-22T19:24:00.005-05:00

Current Tunes: Children of Bodom – Hate Crew Deathroll

So a friend directed me to this provocative little video the other day, and my reactions were complex enough to warrant that I document them here.

He astutely informed me the women featured so prominently in this video are indeed members of some group of competitive gaming females dubbed “Team Unicorn,” who my friend asserted are associated with the Fatal1ty gaming empire. So right off the bat, make no mistake, these girls are definitely involved in major money-making. For me, that makes their intentions a little suspect.

But we’ll leave money out this. It's pretty clear what the true purpose of this clip is: eliciting erections from a host of young American males aged 16-99 who have a more than passing interest in comic books, video games, and fantasy/sci-fi literature. Which, ok, admittedly comes close to including every breathing male in the country.

Regardless, it’s pretty insulting to think that if they spend a hunk of cash on flashy costumes and retarded lens flares and a Stan Lee cameo, they’ll suddenly monopolize the attention and affection of the above-mentioned demographic. It’ll work on plenty of men, I’m sure, but I’m not falling for that. I’m hopeful there’s a right honorable contingent of men who looked at this and had the same reaction I did, but I wouldn’t be surprised if there weren’t.

Insulting us in that regard is one thing, but how about the insult this is to gamer/geek women? First off, no one in their right mind thinks a majority of geek culture girls are potential underwear models. These gals are the exception, not the rule. Which is good for them, sure, bravo. You’re physically attractive and you know who Stan Lee is. You deserve a damn trophy, don’t you?

Back in reality, by doing this video you’re just setting a bad example for young girls who are part of the culture. You’re sending a message that guys are easily manipulated, but you can only achieve that level of power and attention if you’re super-beautiful like us. What a crock. This is no different than the criticism you’ve heard before in this argument, I’m sure.

But full disclosure comes now. This is what peeves me the most about this video. I’m of mind that it’d be wonderfully fulfilling to have a relationship with a geek chick. I would love to have that kind of gal to sit around and talk to about which “Star Trek” captain was the greatest. But I don’t want it to be the kind of girl that’s being represented in this video, that says to geek women you have to dress provocatively and sing incredibly pathetic pop music (actually, its probably not them actually singing at all) to attract my attention. I want a woman smarter than that — plain and simple. And it’d be nice if those women knew that was what was really desired, not these over-sexualized scale-sized dolls.

I’d be amiss to have this discussion without mentioning “The Guild’s” cute little “Do You Wanna Date My Avatar?” video. This video was the precursor to the Team Unicorn video, and should be where I direct a significant portion of my blame to.

But disregarding the debate over whether or not a music video giving merit to having a romantic relationship with a full-fledged simulacrum is or isn't a sign of the coming Apocalypse, I really don’t have much of a qualm with “The Guild” video. Felicia Day does not strike me at all as an attention whore for this simple reason: if she was, she could have far, far more attention than she has now. She only takes roles that interest her, which from what I understand should be read as “roles that set a positive standard for geek women.” She's popular among all of geekdom, but she hasn't done a lot of mainstream material. The highest she ever ranked on the mainstream ladder was probably her two whole episodes she did of "Dollhouse." Which, you know, got cancelled.

If anything, “Do You Wanna Date My Avatar?” is a critique of gaming culture. I could probably do an extended post just explaining that.

But this filth that came from Team Unicorn is degrading, insulting, and just garbage in general. Geek and gaming culture was, I thought, doing a great job in the fight to bring the sexes onto a field of equity and respect. But material like this is regressive, with little redeeming value.

I say little redeeming value because, I’m sorry, I can’t help myself… Katee Sackhoff with red hair is a force of sexual power this world is not prepared for.

Tea Time

2010-09-19T15:37:00.011-05:00

Current Tunes: Tom Waits – Black Market

So terribly sorry about missing a Friday post. Between working early and having to run and errand or two after work, time just slipped away from me. It had been my intention to do a “catch up post” on Sunday, but I realized I wasn’t going to have any time on Monday either to do that post, so I’m putting this post together on Sunday.

I’m not going to lie, I am absolutely fascinated by the Tea Party movement. I’m excited about it too. Not because I agree with their policies or ideology, I’m just stunned and amazed that someone is standing up and proving that a viable third party can exist in America. That’s what has me so captivated by what’s going on with the Tea Party. All I’ve heard from anyone who claims to be a politics expert or a member of the two major parties is that a third party cannot thrive, but the Tea Party is doing it.

At first glance the Tea Party is still something to be somewhat concerned about. Most accounts directly associate membership in the Tea Party with fervent religious associations and obscenely dumb ideas about President Obama’s imagined practice of Islam and/or socialist ties. That’s an understandably troublesome trend that commands some concern and reservation. Anyone with reason and common sense is right and just to question the motives and mental stability of people who prescribe to those beliefs.

To be fair, I don’t know that you can concretely state that every single Tea Party proponent is of the mind that Barack Obama is a commie muslim. The stat that gets thrown around says roughly 20% of Americans think he is a practitioner of Islam. That’s 20% of Americans though, not 20% of Tea Party members. It could be 90% or it could be 9%. I’m not sure you can get a fully accurate picture of how many Tea Party proponents will actually confess to your face that they think this. What I find fascinating is how Gallup did a little demographic research on the Tea Party and found out they somehow represent a fairly even slice of America. As is often the case, media outlets (no matter their biases) have a tendency to concentrate on the loud, radical, attention-grabbing voices in movements because that drives ratings, of course. I have to wonder how much that tendency is at play in all of this.

When it comes to addressing their ideologies, here’s a few “core beliefs” that they describe as “non-negotiable,” which is, admittedly, a bit strong. Nevertheless, they actually have a few principles I imagine most Americans would be hard-pressed to say they don’t agree with:

- Illegal Aliens Are Here Illegally
- Pro-Domestic Employment Is Indispensable
- Special Interests Eliminated
- Bail-out and Stimulus Plans are Illegal

I’ve conveniently eliminated several other of their “core beliefs” that I disagree with, but looking at these few, I don’t think these are out-of-touch, wacko ideas.

Many of their ideas center around a very basic, elementary understanding of economics, of course tending towards conservative, fiscal responsibility. Which I found most interesting because no where in the list do they mention funding unnecessary, dangerous international wars, but did emphasize the “necessity” of a buffed-up military.

The one major goal of the Tea Party isn't specifically mentioned on that site though, which I find puzzling, because it's their most positive goal. They want to vote everyone out of Congress. I wholeheartedly agree with that. Where Tea Party critics get loud, though, is when they point out they want to replace all those vacant seats with candidates they support, candidates like Christine O'Donnell. Which should surprise no one. That's how political parties work. Sure, their candidates may not be wholly qualified or the best choice, but don't scold them for just doing what political movements want to do. If they get enough votes and enough support, they get to have their way. That's democracy.

I think the most telling “core belief” listed referred to accessibility of office for, as they put it, “average” citizens. That’s probably just not the best way to word this idea. I think what they’re really trying to say is they’re tired of the financially well-off stepping into office and making decisions about what the middle and lower class have to do with their money, and that’s a reasonable concern I think. The danger here is, again, the concentration on the “average.” I don’t know about you, but I don’t want “average” people running the government. I want the smartest, brightest, bravest, most confident human beings our country has to offer sitting in political offices all around the country. It just so happens that being bright, confident, and brave often results in plenty of financial and personal success, and as such we shouldn't hold that against good people who try hard to be a responsible public official.

The basic conclusion I’ve reached about the Tea Party isn't anything new. A lot of people in America are pissed, and the Tea Party gives voice to lots of those people. I’ll take it a step further though, and this goes to my point about viable third parties: the Tea Party might have some serious flaws in their ideology, and probably has its fair share of crackpot members, but at least they're doing something.

I have no doubt there is an analogous version of the Tea Party for the Left. People who are infuriated about the war in Afghanistan, who are pissed that the Supreme Court has been a right-leaning entity for decades, who are tired of seeing the tenet of separation of church and state being trampled on week after week. This unnamed party, if it ever arises, will probably have its share of cooks too, who might say things like Bush masterminded 9/11, or is a card-carrying Nazi or what have you. But, those folks haven’t showed up yet, or aren’t motivated enough to get up and do something. I suppose you could make the argument these sort of people don’t exist, but, to me, that’s incredibly naïve.

So I say at least give the Tea Party credit for seeing something they’re mad about and trying to take a stand against it. That’s my greatest criticism of America: people in this country take things lying down far too often. In Europe, when their governments do something incomprehensibly stupid or unpopular, the people go out into the streets and bitch and bitch and bitch until the government fixes it. Which is what people should do.

Not continue to sit around on the couch drinking and watching those “Real Housewives” shows. Whilst bitching and complaining to their family members or social circle, but not actually getting up and becoming an activist.

In truth, though, how viable is the Tea Party after all? There’s lots of buzz that conservatives are going to take back Congressional control. I wouldn’t be so sure. All these victories by Tea Party candidates for the Republican nomination in these races, I wouldn’t be so quick to write these off as sure victories. If they were winning these nominations in landslides, I might be concerned. But the mainstream, average conservative candidates are still posting lots and lots of support in these races. Some of them that lose are even planning on running write-in or independent campaigns, ala Joe Liebermann. That turned out well for Joe, it could turn out well for these other folks.

Even in the case that Republicans actually do reclaim Congress from the Democrats, I have a fantastic strategy for the minority in Congress, a time-tested motto that never fails: If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.

If the Republicans/conservatives/teabaggers control Congress, stall and sabotage every single bill they propose, just like they’ve been doing these past couple years. Filibuster. Go up to the podium and read David Sedaris or Chuck Palahniuk or "The People's History of the United States" until everyone falls asleep. Or just stand up there with a stereo and play Lady Gaga all day and night. Give em a taste of their own medicine. I normally stand by the usual "don't sink to their level" mentality, but sometimes dirty work has to be done.

Unless, of course, they propose a bill finally outlawing the filibuster strategy, which I say vote for it fervently. After that, win the Congress back in the next election cycle and get something done. How hilarious would that be?

The Best Authority on the Bestest

2010-09-15T07:20:00.005-05:00

Current Tunes: The Sword – Tres Brujas

List-driven articles are not works of journalism, at all. I’m just as suckered in by these “best of” lists as anyone else, and they’re definitely a source of guilty pleasure for me, but I think VH1, that bastion of objectivity and credibility, I think finally put together a “best of” list that has completely driven me away from the concept for good.

When first presented with the idea that VH1 had done a “100 Greatest Artists” list, a little voice went off in my head, screaming how this was a horrible idea and could in no way be a fair representation of rock and roll history. I was right of course, but it had to be confirmed. I had no idea what was waiting for me, and as usual, I wish I had never even looked at the list.

Let’s start with Rage Against the Machine. I’m a fan of this band. A little bit. If you know me, this should not be news to you. RATM ranked #48 on this list. RATM ranked ahead of unquestionable legends like Otis Redding, The Doors, Rush, Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers, Judas Priest, Run-D.M.C., Elvis Costello, Little Richard, and plenty of other noteworthy artists and bands from multiple genres. I’m here to tell you, RATM’s contributions to rock and roll history can’t even possibly stack up to Little Richard. That’s just ludicrous. Let’s think about inspirations for a minute. RATM probably doesn’t happen without Run D.M.C and Public Enemy, both of whom did proto rap/rock songs with popular rock bands. Run D.M.C. and Public Enemy inspire RATM. But what did RATM inspire? Korn? Limp Bizkit? Bands that didn’t make the list at all.

Other travesties on this list involved ranking Ray Charles #43, then putting Metallica right above him at #42. Or how about Tina Turner coming in at #34, but Guns ‘n Roses (AKA the most overrated rock band in history) getting the #33 spot? I just cannot stomach the thought of ranking Tina Turner, who survived an inhumane wave of abuse and violence, below a band featuring a singer who more than once stormed off stage in a child-like temper tantrum and even once assaulted a fan mid-concert.

What was funny to me was the top 10 choices were almost completely agreeable. Almost. Prince was at #7, putting him above James Brown. I cannot even fathom any possible logic or system VH1 had to use in order to rank Prince above a guy he owes his entire career to.

Led Zeppelin fairly deserved a top 10 spot, but #4 seems a bit high. That put them just above The Rolling Stones who had the #5 slot. I don’t see how the big LZ can be put over the Stones when LZ has been disbanded and inactive for the past couple decades while Jagger & Co. continue to tour and entertain worldwide. I guess longevity and dedication don’t always translate into true appreciation, do they?

So why do magazines and TV shows thrive on articles like this? Because they stir up debate, mostly. And look at me, contributing to the cycle… Ugh. They also capture your attention pretty easily, and can be a quick way to drive ratings. Similarly, online plenty of sites will put up lists like this, a top 10 or 20, and make an individual page for every slot, so you end up clicking ten different links to their sites in an attempt to read what is really only one article. So on the surface it looks like their site is getting lots of traffic. Ingenious.

I think people look to these articles for some sort of peer evaluation, in a sad and meaningless way. Media outlets that aren’t the absolute tip-top on the authority ladder (like for music, Rolling Stone the magazine) of a subject write up of a list that they hope will get the approval of the leaders just to squeeze out a little bit of credibility. But let me tell you, VH1, that you have no damn respectability at all. You came up with the show “Best Week Ever,” which is quite an ironic title because it’s really one of the worst television shows ever. You also thought Chris Jericho, a professional wrestler, would be some fantastic authority on pop culture. I like Jericho and all, but any time he’s been on one of your specials, this insanity he calls language that comes out of his mouth causes small hemorrhages in my head.

Why can’t you and your big sister MTV just go back to playing music videos 24 hours a day? “Well,” says Mr. Corporate TV Executive CEO guy, “People don’t sit in front of the TV for an hour straight watching music videos. They consume one or two videos, then change over to something else. So our advertisers aren’t getting their money’s worth.”

There you have it.

The good news is the dominant paradigm, like it always does, is changing. Magazines are a dying media outlet. And television use is down as well, thanks to the unstoppable power of the Internet. I’m sure people’s fascination with list-journalism won’t change along with how they consume text media, as much as I wish it would. But that doesn’t mean I can’t change myself. Screw list culture. I’ve got better things to do.

Return to Form

2010-09-13T08:46:00.003-05:00

Current Tunes: Down - Never Try

To call it a hiatus would be a misnomer, now wouldn’t it? It’s been a tad more than seven months since I put anything up here. That’s far too long. I hope you missed me of course. How silly is that to say? Of course I hope you missed me, everyone wants to be missed.

I stayed away for so long because I’m an incomplete human being, and I get overwhelmed sometimes. It’s not to say I haven’t been busy, because I have. In the time since we last met, I’ve been working a steady job, moved to a new apartment, and have completely finished my thesis, receiving my master’s degree in the process. That was a long process, to say the least. A two year commitment has finally come full circle. I’m the first person on my mom’s side of the family to ever receive a graduate degree of any kind. A personal point of pride, right?

I’m glad to be back doing this. I want to take a moment and personally thank everyone who told that they missed reading my blog posts, or poked and prodded me to get back to posting. That’s precisely what I needed to get Quantifiable Darkness up and running again: encouragement. So thank you for that.

There’s not much in the way of specific material I want to cover here at the start, but I will say a few words about what’s been on my mind the past week or so: football.

This is my favorite time of the year, no doubt about it. Every weekend there are 100 different little battles to witness, teams scrambling their way to the top, hoping for a shot at eternal gridiron glory. In football season, the weekend transforms. In other seasons the weekend is just an escape from work, but in football season the weekend becomes a thing to cherish. In football season, the weekend becomes so much shorter though; time just disappears.

That’s the dangerous part of this time of year for me…

With school done and the weight of that off my shoulders, the proper thing for me to do is use this time wisely to work on major projects. My thesis is completed, but that thesis is just the start of a book. I have so much more to do to complete that book. I have other projects I want to start on too, which includes doing some short story collections and fleshing out a sci-fi novel. Blogging on here regularly as well. Not to mention the brutally painful process of trying to find a legitimate, salaried job. There's a lot on my plate.

I can’t exhaust too much time on weekends just slopping down in front of the TV for hours on end watching football. It’ll be a tough trend to break; it’s something I’ve done for years on end. And I love doing it. But I have to remember there are more important things than football. There's a fairly simple way to combat my habit of engrossing myself in football all weekend. Usually on Sunday evenings, after the second round of NFL games get done, it begins to dawn on me that the evening is coming to a close. I almost always get this sick feeling in my stomach right around then. It's a tidal wave of guilt and shame that folds over on top of me as I realize I spent a whole day doing nothing productive. If I'm going to get things done, if I'm going to avoid wasting all my free hours on football, I think all I have to do is remember that god-awful feeling. I have to remind myself that to avoid that feeling, I have to regulate my football time and put forth a heartfelt effort to produce and create.

I have a secret love for large projects. I say it's secret because it doesn't always show through in how I act, but it really is there. I can let myself become quite engrossed in something when I want to be. This affection for real, creative involvement in something somehow gets easily overridden by other activities, and that is something I am going to work on as a person. Blogging here regularly (Monday, Wednesday, & Friday) will work towards that goal.

Gladiatorial Competition of Choice

2010-02-10T15:07:00.003-06:00

Current Tunes: Chatter & indie tunes at Starbucks

Three days afterward and I’m still disgusted and upset over the Super Bowl. I’m thoroughly happy for the city of New Orleans, I really am. I’m thoroughly sad for Indianapolis too, Peyton Manning especially. Regardless, that was one of the lamest Super Bowls I’ve seen.

The reality may be that I’m simply coming to accept my displeasure and general apathy toward the NFL. I went to one college football game this year and one NFL game this year. The two experiences could not have been more different. At Bryant-Denny Stadium in Tuscaloosa, there’s only one money-making entity vying for your attention and it’s the University of Alabama. Even Coke takes a back seat to the unending avalanche of crimson and white media that attacks you at all angles, ingraining the Alabama faithful in their worship experience.

At the Georgia Dome though, everyone from Georgia Power to Budweiser to car dealerships and banks are competing for your attention when you come to the game. The NFL has become such a gargantuan money machine, it now takes an overwhelming amount of corporate sponsorship to keep that machine rolling. It was literally so distracting it was somewhat difficult to tell there was a game going on. That’s saying a lot if you ask me, considering how the game I went to was the Philadelphia Eagles against the Falcons, which meant the return of Michael Vick to the town he “betrayed.”

The NFL isn’t a complete catastrophe or anything, I will say in fairness. They have a lucrative business that they have marketed with extreme efficiency and power. And I don’t fault them for that at all, it’s just becoming a bit too much for me to stomach given my aversion to advertising. They know how to manage and market their stars and turn it into a frenzy for fans all over the nation. It’s a major American sport. And I do love the sport itself, but I really think I’m going to eliminate the NFL from my “I Care” column. College football presents me with the same game, often times on a much more exciting, much less predictable scale, and without the hyper-advertising world of major stadiums.

I'll still care about the NFL Draft though. The NFL draft is as big and as exciting to me as Christmas.

Hockey is ss much to blame for my recent distaste for the NFL aas anything else actually. I went to my first ever hockey game, of any level of competition, just a few weeks ago and the experience was nothing short of riveting. The game itself is only a small part of what I found so enthralling. It’s fast pace and tough attitude are very appealing to me of course, but there’s more to it than that.

Phillips Arena was maybe half full the night we went, with just as many Buffalo Sabres fans as there were Atlanta Thrashers fans. That wasn’t so particularly surprising to me; hockey has a damn hard time catching on in the south where ponds don’t exactly stay frozen over eight months out of the year. What gripped me was that despite a lackluster turnout of spectators, both teams appeared to be playing their hearts out. That spoke to me; it clearly showed me that the guys who get out there and play have to be doing it because its what they love. Hockey isn't the most popular or most lucrative sport in America right now, but these guys play anyway, and play hard. I was touched by that.

I’m certain I wouldn’t have had the same reaction if I’d gone to a game in cities like Detroit or Montreal where devotion to hockey is moderately cult-like. Or even in cities where turnout for games is bigger because they have young superstars like Washington or Pittsburgh, I probably wouldn’t have come to that conclusion either. That’s fine though.

I think I like hockey a lot. I like what it has to offer, and I’m going to learn more about it. I’m going to go out of my way to watch games on TV, more thoroughly learn the rules, and I’ll have to pick a team to start putting my support behind. I’m pretty much devoted to being a Sabres fan already, since my good friend Chris who went to the game with me is a huge fan of theirs. I’m ok with that. I do like the Buffalo Bills after all. I think I’ll have to teach myself to be a Thrashers fan too, since they’re the hometown team and all.

This newfound love for hockey couldn't have come at a better time either. The Winter Olympics start Friday and I intend to fully plunge myself into the icy splendor of Olympic hockey in the coming weeks. I'm excited enough to be crossing my fingers for some sort of Droid phone app that updates scores and results, but I doubt that'll happen. I'll just have to settle for regular old Internet surfing I suppose. What a shame...

Only thing I wonder about is to be a fan of the sport, don’t you have to actually play it? I’ve never even picked up a hockey stick. And I definitely can’t skate a lick’s worth. Maybe I could learn though. New experiences are always a good thing. Unless they kill you, like I imagine could happen to me when I trip on my own skates and fall and break my neck.

Oscar Season is Upon Us!

2010-02-03T22:18:00.003-06:00

Current Tunes: Neurosis – Under the Surface

Well on Monday the illustrious, presumptuous, pompous, preposterous, ambidextrous Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences announced their nominees for the 2010 Oscars. The countdown has begun! Over the course of the next month, the nominees, and the studios that back them will scrap and fight to the death for a chance to at a 45 second acceptance speech and a golden statue shaped quite similarly to a bowling pin.

Like any year, the nomination announcements brought with it plenty of surprises, along with just as many “duh!” moments as well. But overall, it still promises to be an exciting, competitive year, perhaps the most competitive in decades.

The main reason for that being the game-changing decision to up the list of Best Picture nominees to ten instead of the traditional five. And true to their strategy, the field consists of five quality independent/art-house choices and five flicks born of popular clamor and adoration. Ask anyone and they’ll tell you the Academy did this to get higher ratings for the show.

The population as a whole is sick and tired of seeing Best Picture go to low-budget masterpieces that they never see because their distribution deals are worth less than a bucket of sand in the Mojave. Make no mistake though kiddies, this is just appeasement straight out of the Neville Chamberlain playbook. Though I think the winner this year will be considerably difficult to pick, I still believe that old habits die hard and the Academy will continue (rightly) to throw their lot in with the lower profile films when it comes to Best Picture.

That being said, and I’m not going to bother listing all ten films, I’ll just point out the winner: “The Hurt Locker.” The day of nominations I was leaning on “Inglorious Basterds” but Katherine Bigelow’s war-time chronicle is not only considerably deserving, but it has history on it’s side. You can pretty much write Bigelow down to win the Best Director award, and more often than not the film that wins that award takes home Best Picture.

The only film I think that has a chance to upset “Locker” is of course “Avatar,” but I’m having a very, very hard time believing the Academy will go that far. I know it made boat loads of money. If there’s any reason to vote for it, that’s the Academy’s M.O. Nevertheless, can you imagine any one soul on this planet taking the AMPAS seriously after they give a Best Picture award to “Avatar” but not to “Citizen Kane?” I already don’t put any stock in their legitimacy, and I’m utterly enthralled and obsessed by the Oscars. “Avatar” is a movement, a landmark just like “The Matrix” or “Star Wars” before it. But those films didn’t win Best Picture and neither will “Avatar.”

Regardless of who wins, I’m overjoyed they acknowledged “District 9” and honored it with a nomination in the category. On the extremely unlikely chance that it actually did win Best Picture, I would be absolutely jubilant. “District 9” very rightfully picked up a nomination for Adapted Screenplay too, and I wholeheartedly believe it is the most deserving in that category. However, I expect "Precious" or "Up in the Air" to win that category, more likely "Up in the Air."

I was as well to see “The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus” nominated for two whole categories: costumes and art direction. Both of which make plenty of sense to me. As a generality, the absolute last thing I notice in a film is usually the costuming, and its admittedly the category I care the least about overall. Nevertheless, when I saw this film had made the list, it was perfectly logical to me. Ditto for art directors Dan Hermansen and Denis Schnegg, who previously had worked on just about no film worth note as far as art direction goes, but managed to put together a bang-up job on “Parnassus.” Between the two, I think my money might be on costumes being the more likely win for Gilliam’s latest. But the reality is, it won’t win either.

It’s sad in its own way that there’s absolutely no reason to talk about the acting categories this year. Bridges, Bullock, Mo’Nique, & Waltz. Write them down for winners. Sure bet. Take your friends’ money, go ahead. Easy way to make a week’s worth of grocery money.

Cinematography is a category they have absolutely gotten wrong every year since I can remember. I’m still fuming over “The Dark Knight” being screwed by the Academy in this category last year, and I think this year they’re primed for another big mistake. Being a moderately technical award, “Avatar” has to come out the favorite but “Inglorious Basterds” is the true owner of this statue. Yet as I stated before, the Academy never gets this right so three cheers for robbery…

One category that I’ll be especially curious to see the outcome of is sound mixing, for which “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” is nominated. Now, I know what most of you are thinking but hang on just a minute. Set aside the whole notion of seeing the phrase “Academy Award Winner” on the DVD packaging for a moment.

I read more than one article in the past year praising the sound work on this film, with most of these articles going to great lengths to point out the meticulous, precision sound work that was done for it. The same men nominated for “Fallen” were nominated for their work on the original “Transformers” film as well, and anyone will tell you being nominated multiple times around in this category is no small feat. Going on that, it appears to me the film quite deserves to win, but I’m sure there’ll be plenty of people who pitch a fit if it actually does.. It’ll be interesting to see what happens.

Golden Globes are a Sham, Like Always

2010-01-18T16:03:00.002-06:00

Current Tunes: Radiohead – How to Disappear Completely

I’ve never ever liked the Golden Globes (GGs). I’ve had an psychological obsessions with the Oscars since I was like six, but I laughed at the Golden Globes even then as a travesty and I still do. Nevertheless, last night I found myself hypnotized and seduced by the evil whims of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association and watched the ceremony in its entirety. It’s spell broken now, I look back on last night and think perhaps I watched simply in hopeful yearning for the Oscars, which aren’t much more than a month away, Lords of Kobol be praised.

The most annoying aspect of the GGs I think was Ricky Gervais. I like the guy fine, I think he’s a decent enough comedian and does make me laugh. Last night I wasn’t buying it at all though. He totally did the job like a guy who only wanted the paycheck and it showed. His one good move, in my opinion, was the absolutely stinging burn he put on Mel Gibson right before the Aussie actor came out to present an award. And even then, as much as I liked it, it was still a low blow.

Overall, looking over winners of all the categories I think the GGs pretty much got nothing truly right, especially in the film categories. I wasn’t very happy with the TV results, but I will freely admit I am not an avid television watcher, and am therefore not familiar with most shows. The one I am most familiar with that was actually up for multiple awards was “House,” which came away with nothing. And I have to say in retrospect that’s probably fair, this past season of “House” has been lacking in a lot of ways compared to former seasons.

Even though I’ve never watched a second of “Dexter,” I was fairly pleased to see John Lithgow win an award for his role on that show. I think John Lithgow is one of the more underrated actors alive today, so for me I was overjoyed to see him getting some well-deserved recognition.

With lots of awards, there were winners that I just shrugged about. I didn’t necessarily disagree with their wins, but there were other nominees I would have been happier with. Like the screenplay category in film. “Up in the Air” is a fine film indeed, full of wonderful dialogue, but I think they gave the best screenplay award to Jason Reitman & Sheldon Turner because of the story of that film alone. The story though is only a part of a truly great screenplay though. I wholly believe “District 9” should have won in this category for being the total package.

The one award that was given out that I have no complaints about whatsoever is the Best comedy film award to “The Hangover.” Absolutely correct on all fronts. Generally in award season, a film picks up an award for one of three reasons: 1) It made a ton of cash at the box office or 2) The studio campaigned really, really hard for the film to win that award or 3) the film just genuinely deserves that award on a simple think like merit (imagine that!). With “Hangover” winning best comedy, I think it was likely a case of all three, at least #1 and #3.

I’m sure a good cross-section of the country is livid that Quentin Tarrantino didn’t win the best director award, but I’m sorry. If you don’t bitch about Meryl Streep winning in the best actress category again, then you can’t bitch about Cameron winning. Everyone always touts her as an absolutely dominate force among actresses, like she’s the Michael Jordan or Tiger Woods of film actresses. And she is, for sure. But James Cameron is the Michael Jordan of directors in his own right, and he’s going to be treated as such. Do you have any idea how much money he has made for Hollywood?

All the films on his resume that people adore so much, “Aliens,” “Terminator 1 & 2,” “Titanic,” and now “Avatar,” besides being very popular with a wide, wide, wide demographic of people (a demographic I have affectionately titled ‘Americans’), they make boo-koos (sp?) of money. Metric hell-tons of money. And as I covered earlier, an enormous piece of what decides whether or not you’re going to win statues come awards season is the cash you raked in at the box office. In case you’re wondering, here’s the update on that: “Avatar” is the 3rd highest grossing film domestically of all time, and 2nd highest worldwide grossing of all time. So, translate that into awards season however you like. The last guy who made this much money worldwide, he won 11 Oscars. Oh, and who was that guy? James “I Make Damn Good Movies” Cameron.

I guess the one thing I took away from the GGs is that the awards community apparently isn’t going to shy away from “Avatar” just because it’s story is less than original. Which is fine in some regard I suppose; “Avatar” is an amazing technical achievement and I wholeheartedly respect and love it as such. But let’s not kid ourselves. If the Academy gives “Avatar” the Best Picture Oscar, I’m going to have to seriously call into question their whole new “Ten Best Picture Nominations” gimmick.

Late Night Losers and Winners (Screw NBC)

2010-01-15T21:35:00.002-06:00

Current Tunes: Isis – Carry

I don’t care much for late night TV talk shows. If there’s any one characteristic that turns me off across all forms of media it’s repetition, and repetition is the fuel of the late night talk show. Every single episode is the same. Crack jokes about what’s going on in the world, silly skits, interviewing celebrities with movies or books they want to sell, a mediocre live performance by a popular band (also selling their album), then you’re done.

I will admit to an affinity for CBS’ Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson. My appreciation for that show I’m certain stems from the fact that it is precisely devoid of many of the conventions most of the other late night shows rely on so heavily. Not to say the Late Late show doesn’t help celebrities sell movies either, because they do, and not to say they don’t have silly skits either, because they also have that. Thinking about it now, maybe I dislike the Late Late show too…

Anyway, that’s not what I’m here to discuss. There’s what’s been called a “war” going on between Jay Leno and Conan O’Brien over who gets to hold that coveted “The Tonight Show” spot on NBC, an apparently dwindling network that once held a firm grip on greatness. To call it a war is, frankly, an insult. People die in war, people get their legs severed. This is a tiff, a disagreement, a contest even. So don’t call it that anymore.

If I understand the situation right, NBC hasn’t been happy with O’Brien’s work on “The Tonight Show” and have been even less happy with the ratings of “The Jay Leno Show,” which is hosted by guess who. So their idea is to completely remove “The Tonight Show” from it’s traditional time slot and move Jay into it, pushing Conan’s show back, and by proxy pushing Jimmy Fallon’s “Late Late Show” back even further into the graveyard shift.

That, I’m sorry, seems like a relatively uncomplicated situation for me. I’m not even going to bother talking about how the situation got to this point, what happened happened and can’t change. From my vantage point, NBC simply has a surplus of talent, in essence. They have two heavyweight late night show hosts, but only one time slot to use them in. Neither is obviously in a position to retreat to hosting “The Late Late Show,” that’d be like carrying a team to the World Series then being forced to sit on the bench next season, no offense Fallon.

So, if we look at this like a baseball team, and you have one too many starting first basemen, what do you do with the excess? Well, most teams would probably trade him away. Of course there’s no “trading” per se in network broadcasting, but the principle boils down to simply choosing which all-star host you want to stick with and going from there.

Extrapolating from there, in the past few days it appears to me that NBC has made its choice and they’re sticking (I think smartly) with Jay Leno as their main man. Which leaves Conan the odd man out; sucks to be him, but that’s show business. So let him go, NBC. Let him go. Now before you start threatening to blow up my apartment for taking sides against Conan, take a deep breath. I'll freely admit I don't really like Conan O'Brien all that much. I think he's an ass. But all you folks who’ve thrown your hat in with Coco should be ecstatic. NBC is slowly dying inside.

Let’s look at the Nielsen ratings from a few weeks ago, for the week that constituted the last four days of 2009 into the first three days of 2010. In the Top 20 rated shows for that week, NBC only had three shows place. Notice anything those three shows have in common? All three of those ‘shows’ are all actually one event, the Bengals/Jets Sunday Night NFL game for that week. Besides the game itself, the other two NBC showings were the pregame show & recap show “Football Night in America.”

Basically, the way I see it is that Sunday night game would have gotten high ratings no matter what network it was broadcast on. NBC did good to move in on the NFL market a few years back when they did, but it’s not enough to hold up an entire network. And let me tell you too, most of you who know me I know you don’t really watch or care about NFL but take me at my word when I tell you NBC’s broadcasting actually is substandard to the material that CBS and Fox both do. For one, Al Michaels just bores me to death without John Madden, which I guess it's not really NBC’s fault he retired. Branching out from that though, these idiots actually have Keith Olbermann as a commentator during their pregame show. I know he used to work for ESPN and all that, but that guy is a buffoon, I’m sorry.

Moving on from NFL, tell me what good, worthwhile shows NBC has that aren’t being driven into the ground. I hear tell “Chuck” is really good; I haven’t watched it, so I’ll reserve judgment. I really enjoy my “Law & Order: SVU,” but I’m always watching reruns of it on USA, not on NBC. That show has gone on for what, like 30 seasons? It’s time to call it quits on that one. I guess NBC has “Saturday Night Live,” but that show, in my opinion, died when Adam Sandler, David Spade, and all that crew left the show. Will Farrell gave me hope, but clearly he was far too bright a star to waste on that show. I really don't see NBC as the powerhouse it used to be.

Hear me, Conan O’Brien fans, you want him to leave NBC. I don’t know if Fox will offer him anything, but I pray they do. Fox isn’t afraid to do the stuff that other people shy away from. The Fox Networks brought us “Family Guy” and “Nip/Tuck” “The Shield,” shows that I’m certain all the other major networks would have turned down in a heartbeat.

Pause it. As I’m writing this, look what I found. I’m certain that won’t happen. But by god it’s a great idea, and I love it. Conan as an Irish mobster/gun-runner on “Sons of Anarchy” would pretty much be the blockbuster “trade” of the year, to put things in baseball terms again.

Well even though I don't much like him, wherever he ends up from here I think he'll meet with a lot of success. He's obviously got a metric poop-ton of devoted, hardcore fans who'll follow him off a cliff if that's where he wants to go. And whatever happens at NBC happens. It's time to move on. And it's definitely not the end of the world that lots of people have made it out to be. Calm down.

"Parnassus" Comes to Town

2010-01-13T18:59:00.000-06:00

Current Tunes: Fox News coverage of the Haiti earthquake aftermath

As diametrically opposed as I am to anything popular, I’m at a loss for words to explain why exactly I’ve always wanted Terry Gilliam’s films to become popular. I suppose the best explanation is how fervently I believe in his storytelling prowess. He always grasps onto challenging, expansive stories and presents them to an audience with wild gestures and a boisterous voice, like a mad entertainer on the streets, bedazzling and beguiling the passersby with tales of the unreal.

That tradition continues for Gilliam in “The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus,” his newest feature, and the final work of Heath Ledger. Though I doubt it will be, I could see “Parnassus” being Gilliam’s last hurrah, a final practice of his art, the last message he had for a world that never quite got what he’s really on about. Not unlike his brighter, more magical features like “The Adventures of Baron Munchausen” or “Time Bandits,” this newest venture into the haunted life of the (literally) immortal Parnassus, who is (Christopher Plummer) constantly on the run from the dastardly, mischievous Mr. Nick (played by famed musician Tom Waits). The price of Parnassus’ immortality? His youthful, vibrant teenage daughter, Valentina (newcomer Lily Cole). But perhaps he can save her from the hands of the devil, with a little help from the stranger, Tony (played mostly by Heath Ledger, with the missing pieces of the role filled in by Jude law, Colin Farrell, and Johnny Depp).

With such an overwhelming stack of interesting, dynamic actors it was pretty surprising to see such underwhelming performances in this flick. I’m particularly talking about Christopher Plummer and, sorry folks, Heath Ledger. Both performances are decidedly flat and uninspired, though I would suspect that the script is mostly to blame. Tom Waits though definitely catches your attention. His devil-in-the-flesh smirk and swagger is near-legendary. I’m not familiar with Tom Waits’ musical career quite so much, but from what I had been told he was born to play this role, and it certainly looks that way. But what does that say that a musician with limited acting ability outshines award-winning professionals like Plummer and Ledger?

So since the actors/characters fall short, the real star of the show becomes the pure imagery of the film, as it almost always is with Gilliam’s work. The stage pieces are awe-inspiring, unlike most anything you’ve ever come across. The feel and presence of this film is what carries the load for this film. Cinematography director Nicola Pecorini, who has a long history of working with Gilliam, generates some of his best work yet in “Parnassus.” Dark and dirty scenes transition into colorful, bright worlds with ease and grace, but even more impressive is how Pecorini manages to keep all the madness and chaos of the film in frame.

One thing I especially admire about Gilliam as a filmmaker is in most cases he’s always very honest with the work he puts out. He’s never afraid to be forthright and insightful about his film, and doesn’t tease you with pretentious generalities and intellectual fluff, which seems so counter-intuitive given the nature of his work. In the lead-up to the release of “Parnassus,” I heard Gilliam say over and over how he felt this was one of the more complete films he’s ever done, and given his past record I had no reason to not believe him. When he’d made “Brothers Grimm,” he was fully aware of its inferiority, but accepted it.

I have to say he’s wrong about “Parnassus.” This isn’t a complete film, truly. It’s also not his best. Which in and of itself is not a serious fault; it’s extremely rare to find a director who’s works improve consistently from one to another. The real failure of “Parnassus” has got to be plain and simply that Gilliam didn’t do anything here that he hadn’t done before. The strength and innocence of childhood. The power of imagination. Even the eye-catching visuals I mentioned before. This was all just Gilliam going through the motions again. In plenty of other directors that wouldn’t even be noteworthy, but Gilliam I hold to a different standard not just because of his unique style, but because I think he holds himself to that higher standard too. He knows he can make an artful, complex film and he knows he’s a talented filmmaker. So why should he limit himself to making the same film over and over again?

It wasn’t a bad try though. A little slow to start, and a bit difficult to understand for us Americans (unintelligible British accents abound), and certainly rough around the edges, “Parnassus” held much promise but ultimately fell short I’m afraid to say. This hasn’t stymied my faith in Terry Gilliam at all though, I’m confident he can move forward to new material and hopefully get the chance to work on a project where his main actors stay health (and alive) all throughout production.

"Forget It Jake, It's Just Chinatown"

2010-01-08T16:58:00.002-06:00

Current Tunes: My grumbling stomach. When’s dinner?

So I’m not going to spend forever talking about the BCS game. All I have to say is the final score was 37-21. That’s a 16-point deficit. Check yesterday’s post if you don’t believe me when I said I called a 16-point victory for the Tide.

I’m not sure if everyone consciously keeps a list of films that they haven’t seen that they’re dying to finally view like I do. People should though. A few days ago, I finally knocked off the top film on this list of mine. It’s a film I’ve literally wanted to see for years but never got around to it. It might sound silly, but finally seeing this movie was just about equivalent to a major life goal, like buying your own house or something.

After watching it, then reading about so many of the things that went on surrounding the production, I have a special respect and appreciation for Roman Polanski’s “Chinatown.” I haven’t seen it as many times, and it doesn’t have quite the charm that “Casablanca” has, but I really think I have to rank “Chinatown” as good as that film is, and I almost always regard “Casablanca” as the greatest film ever made. I guess I might not ever give “Chinatown” the same label, and it’s for the worst reason: it’s just not as joyful and happy and feel-goody-goody as “Casablanca.” Anyway, enough comparison-talk.

Film is so much a product of the culture and nation from wherever it is made, like all art really. I think will film it gets a little more amplified because with film, the final result of your art is influenced so much by your perception of the world as a whole. That perception of the world is of course influenced by where you come from, how could it not be? The greatest strength of “Chinatown” is how unashamed it was to be dirty, gross, and uncomfortable. It doesn’t try to glorify the place it’s set in, it just shows it, and with a stunning amount of objectivity.

Another especially fascinating aspect of the film to me was Jack Nicholson. There’s already a mountain of commentary about Nicholson’s performance in this film, but I think my perspective is a bit unique, if I do say so myself. I’ve been a Nicholson fan for a long time. I cannot recall seeing a single movie of his that I didn’t enjoy, even if it was technically a bad film. I love his flashy, cocky, blitzkrieg approach to acting. How can you not? He’s absolutely electric.

But in “Chinatown,” I hardly noticed at all that it was Nicholson on screen. His performance is unlike anything else he’s done that I can recall because its so much quieter, so much more nuanced, so much more calculated. In films like “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” or “The Shining” or even “Batman” and “The Departed” he’s moves and talks with such an anarchic fervor. That’s what’s made him both endure the years and endeared him into the hearts of film fans all over the globe. Not in “Chinatown” though, not at all. He totally made me believe that J.J. Gittes was a real, flesh-and-blood P.I. in Los Angeles. I would have gladly hired this guy to spy on my cheating wife; he’s so clever and composed, brave too.

I’m still soaking it all in. I’ve rarely encountered movies like this that take so much time to really understand my true feelings about what the film presented as a whole. I know that it’s good though; I know that it’s really, really good. I’m so confident of its brilliance because it easily falls into that most wondrous category of films: the ones where I wish with every fiber of my being that I could watch it over and over again as if it were the first time.

The Tradition Continues...

2010-01-07T15:05:00.001-06:00

Current Tunes: Soundgarden – My Wave

Today’s the big day. Alabama vs. Texas for the whole can of beans. The BCS Championship. Today the big UA gets to write a whole new chapter and take home their 13th National Championship. It seems not so far a way a few years ago when we were having mediocre seasons and losing to Auburn 6 years in a row. That time is long behind us though, and tonight’s going to be the end of a long road.

Looking back further than that, I can remember very clearly being at my grandparents’ house in Tyler, Texas, on January 1st, 1993 when we last won the National Championship. I remember watching the game with my dad, in the dimly lit backroom of the house. I remember running around the house yelling and shouting multiple times throughout the night whenever Alabama made a big play.

I especially remember watching George Teague strip that ball straight out of Lamar Thomas’ hands to negate a touchdown. That’s probably one of my most fond football memories of any game, at any place, in any time. I suppose that’s not really saying a lot. After all, “The Strip” is one of the more amazing and famous moments in all of Alabama football history, and has a tremendous amount of emotional weight for Alabama fans everywhere.

That play I think was special to me because it was the first time I remember watching a play from a sports event and really going “Wow!” I’d watched lots and lots of players hit game-winning homeruns in baseball games, or last minute buzzer-beaters to win a big basketball game, but not a play like that where one guy just willed something not to happen on the field of play. I’ll remember it forever.

I hope tonight is another night like that, a night that’ll emblazon itself as another eye-popping, shout-worthy moment in the history of Alabama football.

I’m especially happy for coach Nick Saban. The whole university had plenty of reason to be excited about bringing him into lead this team to the top of the nation. However I seriously doubt anyone expected he would have led us to the National Championship after just 3 years as coach. That’s the phenomenal part about it all to me. Saban came right in here and completely turned us around and put us back on the path to success. Everyone pitched a fit about the incredibly high amount of money the university offered him to coach, but from here it looks like that money is paying off well.

Tide’ll take it home by 16 tonight. Roll Tide Roll!

Gilbert's Got a Gun...

2010-01-06T20:35:00.001-06:00

Current Tunes: Isis - Hym

Today NBA commissioner David Stern indefinitely suspended Gilbert Arenas, the bright young star of the Washington Wizards, for bringing a handgun into the Washington locker room and purportedly pulling it on a teammate. Let me just say, way to go Mr. Stern.

I actually like Mr. Arenas, so this whole situation was pretty puzzling, and at the same time, aggravating for me. The idea of bringing a gun into the locker room of a professional basketball team just utterly stuns me. I spent the past couple of days trying to break down exactly what could possibly motivate this action, what kind of logic could have driven Mr. Arenas to behave like this and I’m short on concrete answers, but there are possibilities to explore.

Arenas has gone on the record saying he was taking the gun to the locker room to get it out of his house and away from his children. Hopefully anyone reading this can clearly see what a nonsense excuse that is. I would certainly postulate that Arenas perhaps wanted the guns nowhere near his children. That’s a noble motivation for sure. But let’s turn this scenario around a bit. Let’s imagine instead of making his money as a pro basketball player, instead he worked as a accountant at a major firm of some kind. Do you think that employer would take kindly to you bring a gun to the office, then threatening a coworker with it? I think not.

If you boil it down, there are only three purposes for a gun. The first is for sport shooting. I don’t think that’s what he hand in mind for the weapon when he brought it to the Verizon Center in Washington. The second purpose guns are usually associated with is hunting. Certainly that’s not what he took it to the locker room for either. The third and final purpose would be for protection or for offensive (read: murderous) intent. As in a combat situation. We’ve pretty clearly eliminated the other two purposes as not being likely reason for bringing the gun to the arena. And I can’t help but seriously doubt his motivation was protection, as major sports arenas these days are more secure than airports.

That’s as far as I’ll carry the speculation though; no point in going any further. I’m just so disgusted by what this guy did. Lots of commentators are pointing back to the Plaxico Burress incident and wondering why Arenas didn’t learn from that guy’s mistakes. I’m here to tell you he didn’t learn because he’s another bigheaded celebrity who thinks somehow having fame and fortune grants you membership into some imaginary club where the law does not apply to you.

I’ve heard there are accusations that he transported the gun across state lines in his car. That’s a major no-no. Even if that’s not the case, Arenas should still go to jail I think. What happens when some random janitor/maintenance worker/nutcase breaks into another NBA player’s locker, takes the gun, and then shoots up the place? That’s pretty far fetched, I’ll grant you. But far-fetched can still happen. You can’t shoot up a public sporting event if there aren’t any guns in the building. Which is why they’re not allowed in there. The stupidity of Arenas’ actions absolutely can’t go unpunished. If I had a kid, and I took him to an NBA game and I’d found out there had been anyone who’d brought a gun into that arena, from pro player to cameraman to everyday fan to corporate executive, I would be infuriated. The people of Washington D.C. should be.

'BSG' Has Taken Hold of Me / Winter Quarter '10 Begins

2010-01-05T16:50:00.002-06:00

Current Tunes: The hum of desktop Macs in the computer lab

Sorry about missing the past two days folks. Just seemed like I couldn’t fit in time for a post. Sunday I spent all day in Birmingham with some good friends and didn’t get back home until very late, and Monday I got wrapped up in chores around the house and “Battlestar Galactica.”

That’s turning out to be quite a compelling show. I just started the first season. Like most things, I feel a significant amount of my enjoyment of “BSG” has come from the fact that I knew absolutely zilch about the show going into it. Well, I knew there were these things called Cylons. And I knew they could look like people, but they could also look like overgrown trashcans with sunglasses right out of the 80s. Other than that, I had no idea about this show. I’m enjoying it immensely. I would dare say its some of the best, most hardcore sci-fi TV I’ve seen in quite sometime.
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“BSG” reminds me of “Lost in Space.” And by “Lost in Space” I don’t mean the campy old 60s show, but I mean the show “Lost,” but in space. A less cheesy way of putting it would be to say “BSG” is a serious examination of moral complexities and dilemmas that emerge when real, true, in-your-face survival is the only game left to play.

I’ll freely admit though, what’s really gripping me about the show is just the premise, not really the characters. There are one or two characters I’m becoming attached to, but I don’t think they’re the ones you’re supposed to be sympathetic to. I’m talking about Number Six and Gaius. Gaius I like because TV shows have plenty of sane people and plenty of insane people too, but rare is the show that can have a character who rests somewhere in the in-between. Number Six is awesome because I’m terrified of her, and that just means the actress playing that part is doing an wonderful job.

On different note, class started back this week and I’m again granted unlimited access to the school building. December was really tough, not having the school to escape to. It’s so wonderful here. If I still live in Atlanta for the next few years, and I have no reason to think I won’t, I fully intend to come here to the school weekly just to do whatever. To work, to talk to people, enjoy this incredible environment. Even now sitting here it’s so quiet. That’s just the absolute best. I don’t particularly have to, but I think I’ll come back again tomorrow. Visiting the school daily to get work done is a habit I could truly grow to enjoy.

But for now, this is my last quarter here at SCAD as a student. What a journey this has been. I want to be done (oh, how I want to be done!), but I don't want to leave either. These two years have been so valuable to me.

Bah! I'm already getting too sentimental and this quarter just started yesterday. There's a time and a place for that sort of nonsense, and this isn't it.

Saying Goodbye to Windows (Official Mac Cult Member Now)

2010-01-02T19:03:00.002-06:00

Current Tunes: Corrosion of Conformity - Kiss of Death

Favorite activity I participated in today? I deleted the hard drive partition on my Macbook. What this means is I no longer have a Windows operating system on this laptop and it is now 100% Mac OS X. Ever since I updated to Snow Leopard on my Mac, the need to have Windows boiled down to one single service: gaming. But on further elaboration, I determined that wasn’t much of a reason to keep Windows around, so I banished that evil Microsoft product from my system forever. I don’t intend on looking back.

I’ve been playing video games for pretty much all of my conscious life. I remember getting an original Nintendo Entertainment System when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade, and that insidious little device dominated a good portion of my young life. That was the start of this behavior that’s persisted for all these years. Slowly though, as month on month has gone by, I’ve grown more resistant to the charm of video games, enough to safely say that I think their hold on me is gone. I no longer own even one console system, I’ve quit all of those foolish (and addictive) Facebook games, and now Windows is gone.

This isn’t to say that I’ll never spend another second playing video games again. I’m sure I’ll pick one up from time to time, and that’s ok. I just don’t feel myself as attracted to them as I used to be. In social situations, I think it’ll be acceptable to indulge in a little gaming time. Or even on my own, as something fun and relaxing to do to bring a little variety to the daily routine. I’m happy about this though. I’m glad I’m giving them up.

When I go to an electronics store, let’s say Best Buy, I often have this experience that I keep repeating. I’ll walk by the video game section, and I’ll see a game that appeals to me on some level, and I’ll pick it up and look at it and think to myself how I want to play it. But very quickly that feeling subsides when I think about both the financial costs of the game, and the unseen cost: the time I would spend on that game that could be spent reading, writing, learning, growing, being. I don’t know if it’s possible to completely eliminate that urge to pick up a game, drool over it, and become enraptured by the desire to play it and escape from the world inside the game. But if I could indeed eliminate those desires, that’d be nice I believe. It would simplify my life a little more.

After deleting the partition, it dawned on me I’ve completely unconsciously been devoting significant money to improving my computer experience in different ways. There was the new operating system software, which really wasn’t much money at all. I also purchased a Bluetooth mouse the other day, which should arrive in the mail next week, in order to free up one of the only two USB ports I have on the laptop. Now, after deleting Windows and going back to only one operating system, I have significantly more hard drive space. That’s almost a greater boon than the whole “no more video games” thing.

I had been meaning to delete the partition about a month ago, but I kept putting off. I kept living under this silly delusion that I still needed to hold on to Windows in case of whatever unforeseen circumstances might arrive. That was just worrying over something that won’t happen. This was just another case of me overthinking things, and letting that process bog me down and inhibit me from getting important thing done. But again, I triumph.

Free Speech Under Attack in Ireland

2010-01-01T19:53:00.002-06:00

Current Tunes: Rose Bowl on TV

Well according to this article in The Guardian, as of today in Ireland it is a punishable offense under the law to commit blasphemy. I’m absolutely baffled. How do people in civilized nations allows laws like this to be passed? If I were a citizen of Ireland, I would be ashamed for my country, whether I was religious or not.

Well the law, which was passed all the way back in July, states that blasphemy is “publishing or uttering matter that is grossly abusive or insulting in relation to matters sacred by any religion, thereby intentionally causing outrage among a substantial number of adherents of that religion." If you look at a textbook definition of blasphemy though, you get a significantly different view of this word. The definition I found on Merriam Webster says it is “the act of showing contempt or reverence for God,” but my favorite is the 2nd definition given which simply says blasphemy is “irreverence toward something considered sacred.”

Working with that 2nd definition, you can see some disturbing psychological implications going on here. The major one for me being that the law is essentially forcing all citizens to pay reverence to major religious institutions or else pay a substantial fee. So you’re essentially making it law that all people must hold a specific opinion about religion (or at least pretend to). What’s especially frustrating too is I’m sure this law pretty much only applies to Christianity, given how Ireland is just about 100% Catholic, or comes from a Catholic upbringing anyway. I’m sure if you ran around making ‘blasphemous’ comments about Buddha or Vishnu or something no one would raise a stink, which to mean reeks of hypocrisy and shows just how invalid and prejudiced this law is.

Forget event talking about what constitutes 'offensive', you really have to ask yourself what constitutes something as sacred? The answers are near limitless. Hell, in Ireland I'm sure you could find a significant portion of the population who considers the national soccer team "sacred." Does that mean its a religious institution that you therefore can't speak offensively about?

This is a limitation on free speech though, pure and simple. But luckily, from the looks of the article, not everyone in the country is taking this lying down. My hat’s off to Michael Nugent & the Irish Atheists for combating this ridiculous law. I especially like this quote in the article from Nugent: “You would think that after all the scandals the Catholic Church endured in 2009 the introduction of a blasphemy law would be the last thing that the Irish state would be considering in terms of defending religion and its place in society.” Good call Nugent, good call.

Come to think of it, under this law it might be blasphemous to bring up the church’s past if you talk about it in any negative light whatsoever. Such an act might ‘offend’ someone, and we just can’t have that, can we? Absolutely disgusting.

Goodbye 2009

2009-12-31T15:59:00.002-06:00

Current Tunes: Converge - Last Light

Nothing major to see here today folks. Just saying a friendly goodbye to the year 2009 and preparing myself for a new set of 365 days to better my life with.

This past year has been a major growing period. About two years ago when I first started grad school, I knew I would do a lot of growing, and it's so encouraging that I have. Not that things were easy at all, and not that I'm a great person now, but improvement is something to be sincerely grateful for. I still have lots of work to do.

This was pretty much my last year spent outside "the real world," that place where your career really comes into focus and becomes such a pivotal part of defining your life. The time for carefree partying and slacking is drawing down to an end. True responsibility is just around the corner. While in the past the thought may have been frightening, I have learned to master that fear and instead embrace it openly and happily.

See you all in 2010, may it be a prosperous year for all of you.

StagNATION: A Decade of Backward Steps in U.S. Politics

2009-12-30T12:45:00.003-06:00

Current Tunes: Doomriders – Crooked Path

Looking around the web for the past few days, lots of news outlets are putting up cute little features about the past decade in politics, and it seems like most of them have a quite negative view of the past ten years. Rightly so, I’d say.

Ever since 2000 we’ve been given barely any reason at all to believe in our leaders. Don’t make the mistake of thinking I’m only talking about Dubya here either. It’s everyone. There’s been what seems like a literal avalanche of contemptible behavior in the American political landscape. There was the Valarie Plame incident, the failure of John Kerry, the impotency of the Democratic Congress (under Bush AND Obama), the heinousness of Jack Abramoff, the torture of Abu Ghraib & Guantanamo, illegal wiretapping. It’s been a played-out joke for a while now, but to say that it all makes me wish for the days of Bill Clinton isn’t so much of a joke anymore. And I don’t like Clinton at all.

Perhaps the most disheartening thing about all of this is it’s not like this is just me being Sad Sally about our system. Everyone is pissed off. The whole country knows its getting screwed over left and right and this feeling didn’t just start yesterday or anything. It’s been building since midway through the decade. A lot of people thought the answer for all the negativity and corruption of Washington was Barack Obama, and I hate to break it to you, but he’s not the answer at all.

In my view, there are a few very specific causes of the majority of problems with the operation of our government. The foremost of them being the Democratic and Republican political parties. These two parties are meant to serve as opposing sides of a system that hinges on a very tight balance. Instead of acting as a liaison between their candidates and the people who they will represent, they are in actuality and facilitator between candidates and pure power. That’s what the political parties truly care about. They don’t care about classes, or demographics, or regions. They care about running the show, those other things are just keys to their end goal.

Another main key for the parties to keeping control is the second major cause of our government’s ineptitude: corporate sponsorship and lobbying. Every politician, every single one (except maybe independent/socialist senator Bernie Sanders from Vermont) has taken money from large corporations and they depend on them to fund their campaigns. They listen to those companies more than they listen to actual people.

Electing Obama didn’t address either of these issues at all. Obama took money from major corporations and he’s indebted to the Democratic Party, obviously. So the system marches on, free to continue exploiting their unbelievable power and influence to benefit only themselves. Significant progress will happen when the parties reform (fat chance, I say) or a new 3rd party establishes itself as meaningful and influential enough to back an alternative campaign and set of policies. A noteworthy 3rd party I think could happen, if people would wake up and stop blindly following the Republicans and Democrat parties all the way off the cliff.

It’s been a very uncomfortable ten years of politics for me. As the years went on and things became more and more corrupt, the more disgusted and apathetic I became about it. A decade ago, I had a fierce, decisive viewpoint on any topic but was still willing to listen to opposing sides. Now I just don’t care; or I do care but I find it hard to do anything about it.

Protest in Iran

2009-12-29T21:15:00.001-06:00

Current Tunes: Cave In – Stained Silver

While the recent attempted plane bombing has most people’s attentions right now, I can’t help but keep my eyes focused on Iran instead. It feels so strange for all this to be happening all in the last week of the year. Maybe my memory is bad, but I don’t particularly recall having many terrorist attacks on our soil in the past year, at least none that we were told about. It’s like we went so long without any of this business and it has to come along at the tail-end of the year and ruin everything.

In contrast to that, this madness in Iran has been bubbling for quite a while, and these recent protests and killings is only further testament, in my mind, that the situation in Iran has to change and soon. I can’t really act like I have my finger right on the pulse of the average American’s thoughts and perceptions, but it seems to me most of us here in the USA don’t really get what’s going on over there. If I’m right, we might have the press and media to thank for that.

From a purely political perspective, what does that say about U.S. involvement overseas if the average citizens of Iran actually do force out these theocrats and establish a free nation? On one hand you’d have Iran, who fixed its own problems (probably not without internal bloodshed) and stood its ground on its own. On the other hand, you’d have Iraq, which had to have its dictator forcibly removed and years later is still in total disarray (though things are steadily improving from what we hear). I suppose I’m extrapolating much too far into the future. I don’t know how we in the U.S can help, given how stretched we are already between our two wars and the struggling economy, but I’d like to know how we could.

I sincerely hope we can see dramatic, sweeping change in Iran in the near future, if not in the next year. Again, I’m not exactly a foreign policy expert or anything, but from my vantage point it looks to me like a non-theocratic, possibly democratic, Iran would have more impact for the U.S. in the Middle East than an end to the Iraq or Afghanistan wars. Back in June, I was excited to see the protests going on, it gave me hope that the country might be seeing change. But when the protests died down after all the violence, I feel discouraged. Clearly the people of Iran aren’t so easily dissuaded. It’s inspiring to see people who are so sick and fed up with their country being driven into the ground and they finally decide to do something about it. I sincerely wish the people of Iran the best of luck. They’re overdue for a miracle over there, and perhaps in 2010 they’ll finally get it.

My Film of 2009 Rundown

2009-12-28T16:30:00.002-06:00

Current Tunes: Disfear – Get it Off

Another year in movies has come and gone. I wish I could say it was an exciting year, but in actuality I was left completely listless and bored by this year’s fare. I could barely put together a list of 10 films I saw this year that I actually considered worthy. I don’t know if it’s just me getting old and crotchety, but if I didn’t like it, I didn’t like it.

I’ll grant part of the problem was that I didn’t exactly have tons of cash sitting around to spend on tickets. Being thrifty meant it was especially important to choose my films wisely, and I don’t believe I did that at all. I kept making poor decisions. Well, enough moaning and groaning. What films did I enjoy this year? Here you go…

1. “District 9”
2. “Zombieland”
3. “Up”
4. “Avatar”
5. “The Hangover”
6. “Where the Wild Things Are”
7. “Up in the Air”
8. “The Princess & The Frog”
9. “Watchmen”
10. “Inglorious Basterds”

Well I covered my opinion of “District 9” a week ago, so I’ll forego explaining that one. The presence of not one or two, but three whole family/children’s films on the list surprised me. Well, whether or not “Wild Things” constitutes a family film is another debate entirely. To give you a more precise idea of how little of thought of this year’s crop of films, I can look at every film (save #1 & #2) on this list and point out very specific problems these films had that held them back from being truly great.

Speaking of that, here’s a brief list of films from 2009 that really let me down. I could have made a much longer list, but I’m keeping it short in the name of not appearing like a total killjoy…

“G.I. Joe”
“Terminator Salvation”
“Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen”
“Harry Potter & the Half Blood Prince”
“Inglorious Basterds”

Now, you’re probably saying “Matt, wait, wasn’t ‘Inglorious Basterds’ in your list of best films for the year?” Yes, it is. “Basterds” was a strange case for me this year. I enjoyed it; I laughed hard, it had cheerful, triumphant moments. However, it’s a seriously flawed film. As the months have gone by, I’ve even come to question the necessity of this film, but that’s a discussion for another time. I expected “Basterds” to be Quentin Tarrantino’s best film yet, and it wasn’t. Far from it actually, I still stand by my statement that it’s the least-good film he’s made yet. That’s why it’s a disappointment. I hope my standards weren’t too high; I really don’t think they were.

“G.I. Joe” and “Transformers: ROTF” I enjoyed as well, but you’ll never ever catch me saying those were well-made movies either. Put together, they may have made an OK movie. This year’s “Harry Potter” disappointed me because everyone told me this was the film where the baddies in the story would finally have a chance to shine, when in the film all the baddies just depressed me with their flat acting.

Despite my underwhelming attitude toward the cinematic output of 2009, I am quite excited about 2010. It’s always nice to be able to look towards the future, isn’t it? Here’s a list what’s got me buzzing for 2010, with short explanations of what to expect or what has me so interested in these films:

“Tron: Legacy” (been waiting about 20 years for this, I want it 3x more than anything else)
“Cop Out” (Kevin Smith directing Bruce Willis? Yes, please!)
“Inception (Christopher Nolan’s new drama. Possible it could exceed “Dark Knight”)
“The Expendables” (Stallone, Lundgren, Statham, Li, Schwarzenegger, Willis, & Randy Couture?!)
“The Rum Diary” (Hunter S. Thompson adaptation finally happens!)
“Jonah Hex (For the Mastodon-written soundtrack alone)
“Clash of the Titans” (original will always be better, but this looks fun enough)
“Machete” (Danny Trejo gets his chance to truly shine in the spotlight)
“Daybreakers” (interesting twist on vampire lore)
“Predators” (Robert Rodriguez’s look at my favorite extra terrestrials)
“Legion” (Crazy possessed grandma climbing the ceiling. I’m there.)
“Salt” (Spy flick meant for Tom Cruise, Angelina Jolie instead)
“How to Train Your Dragon” (Vikings!)

I certainly anticipate having a much better time in theaters next year. If anything, 2010 will be interesting to see if the success of “Avatar” pushes 3D filmmaking into the next realm. There are already rumors flying around about 3D re-releases of “Star Wars” and a host of other popular favorites. Well whatever happens, I’ll see you in the theater (in the back row) in 2010!

My Music of 2009 Rundown

2009-12-27T13:24:00.003-06:00

Current Tunes: Corrosion of Conformity – Wiseblood

Such a good year for metal! I could have easily done a top 20 list this year, but that’s a bit drawn out don’t you think? I enjoyed this year musically; there were many strong releases and plenty of awesome concerts to go to. So, for 2009 here were my top albums:

1. Isis – “Wavering Radiant”
2. Mastodon – “Crack the Skye”
3. Warbringer – “Waking Into Nightmares”
4. Kylesa – “Static Tensions”
5. The Black Dahlia Murder – “Deflorate”
6. Revocation – “Existence is Futile”
7. Pelican – “What We All Come to Need”
8. Narrows – “New Distances”
9. Baroness – “Blue Record”
10. Slayer – “World Painted Blood”

Honorable mentions: Megadeth – “Endgame” / Immortal – “All Shall Fall”

Also, here are some links to my choices for best songs of the year. A few of these are seriously NSFW, so be careful and all.

"20 Minutes/40 Years" – Isis
"The Last Baron" – Mastodon
"Pussy" – Rammstein (NSFW)
"Into the Grey" – Darkest Hour
"Oil Upon the Sores of Lepers" – Anaal Nathrakh
"Ov Fire and the Void" – Behemoth (NSFW)
"Ocean Metal" – Dagon
"Battle Slut Drinking Song" – Destroy Destroy Destroy
"Gypsy Kids" - Narrows (NSFW)

Such a good chunk of material this year. I fully acknowledge my top albums are a little heavy on the sludge/stoner genre, but those are really the bands that I think produced the most interesting stuff this year. My top album, “Wavering Radiant,” I can conclusively say over the course of the year I’ve listened straight through 40+ times. I wasn’t exactly the world’s biggest Isis fan, but that album put me over the top on them. Now for my top live shows:

1. Neurosis
2. Trap Them / Narrows
3. Baroness
4. Dethklok
5. Mastodon
6. Warbringer
7. Kylesa
8. Torche
9. Skeletonwitch

After getting to see Radiohead twice l and seeing the reunited Rage Against the Machine, I think it’ll hard for any year to stack up to the level of awesome I got in the live show department last year. But this year did me real well, a lot of it on the strength of Scion Fest, which was a real blessing for Atlanta. Out of the ten total bands listed above, I saw seven of them at Scion Fest. I had an especially Mastodon-influenced year; I saw them four times in 2009. Once they fix their live vocals problems, they’ll be legendary.

Now while this year saw lots of fantastic releases, there were also a slew of albums that just fell flat on their faces, and left me utterly disappointed:

Pearl Jam – “Backspacer”
Street Sweeper Social Club – s/t
Municipal Waste – “Massive Aggressive”
Alice in Chains – “Black Gives Way to Blue”
Priestess – “Prior to the Fire”
Rammstein – “Liebe Ist Fur Alle Da”
Skeletonwitch – “Breathing the Fire”

Now everyone knows there are varying levels of disappointment, and this selection of albums definitely embodies that. Pearl Jam disappointed me because I know they’re capable of so much more than putting out mediocre fluff like this. Priestess disappointed me for pretty much the same reason, but they’re worse off because they’re in a position where they need to prove themselves and this year was a step back. On the other hand, Skeletonwitch and Street Sweeper (aka Rage Against the Machine Jr.) albums were enjoyable enough, but they still fell short of my expectations. I would say the same thing about Rammstein’s effort this year, but I can’t exactly say what my expectations were for that band. Rammstein, as corny as they are, usually manage to keep doing something new, but it didn’t feel like that this time.

Now as good as this year was for music, there’s still oh so much to look forward to in 2010 for me. Here’s a list of known (and some speculative) albums that could or will surface next year that I’m excited for:

Dillinger Escape Plan – "Option Paralysis"
Overkill – "Ironbound"
High on Fire – "Snakes for the Divine"
Ihsahn - "After"
Living Sacrifice – "The Infinite Order"
Deftones - ?
Finntroll – "Nifelvin"
Decapitated - ?
Anthrax - ?
Nachtmystium - ?
Radiohead - ?!?!?!
Rage Against the Machine - ?!?!?!

There are still some rumors here and there swirling about Rage doing a new album, but I don’t know what to make of that. Radiohead I do know for certain are going to the studio in early 2010, so that’s promising. Deftones have been through a lot this past year, what with their bassist being in that horrible car wreck that left him in a coma. The whole experience has led to perhaps the strangest thing I’ve seen in a band’s career. They have an entire album done, mixed, recorded, everything (titled “Eros”). But they’re sitting on it, and they’re going to record an entirely new album instead to release in 2010. I’m all for whatever they decide to do, but I think they should reconsider what to do with “Eros.” I want to hear it.

So that’s my music rundown for 2009. Be sure to come back tomorrow for my best of film for 2009!

My Television of 2009 Rundown

2009-12-26T14:19:00.005-06:00

Current Tunes: Radiohead - The Tourist

Not many days left in this year, so it’s high time I got down to the business of letting you folks know what forms of entertainment got me excited this past year and what let me down seriously. Instead of throwing up one huge post covering everything, I decided to split it into three separate posts, for your reading pleasure. Today I’ll be covering my year in television, while tomorrow’s topic will be music and Monday will bring us the anticipated list of Matt’s favorite (and not-so-favorite) films of the year. Enough with the explanations, on to the task at hand!

In regards to my television habits, I’m not exactly what you’d call a researched or learned consumer of television shows. I have always had a hard time dedicating myself seriously to serial television shows over the years, but this past year it all started to add up for me. I’ve found a few shows that really grabbed my attention, and I’m happy that they did. Most television shows are so contemptible for me, always following the same outlines and rehashing the same kinds of characters and stories. The few shows that I did get attached to in the past year I think caught my eye because they try to do something different, which is really what I look for in any kind of entertainment media. Anyway, I can’t really put together some sort of top 10 for TV because I’m so apathetic about it usually, so instead I just offered up a few words on the shows that did delight me:

“Sons of Anarchy” – This show definitely picked up steam in its 2nd season, to the surprise of many I do believe. When I first heard about “SOA” I figured it would get canned right away for delving too deep into a sub culture that most people know nothing about or are completely frightened of. I guess though I was foolish to underestimate the power of those kinds of emotions; people can so often be drawn to what they don’t understand. This show is a powerhouse for FX right now, and it seems like the sky’s the limit for SAMCRO.

This was my favorite show of this year because out of everything I watched this felt the most real. I believe this characters in the show are real. Especially Jax (Charile Hunnan) and his mother, Gemma. (Katey Segal, still deserves a Golden Globe nomination) This mother and son team is so complex and rich it’s unbelievable. This 2nd season also showed me that the writers and creators of this show aren’t afraid to do what they have to do; i.e. kill of characters that have something coming to them even when I personally want them to stay alive so badly.

“House” – This season isn’t over yet (we’re only half way through) but it’s had a fairly good start. It’s been bumpy, and has had stop-start moments that have felt awkward but there is one single element that’s really keeping me hyped on this show and it came out of left field for me. The story arc involving Chase and the Great Sin he perpetrated early in the season is absolutely phenomenal. I have no idea how it will turn out, but I’m certain it’s only getting started.

Even putting that aside, Hugh Laurie is still bringing down the house night after night. Get it? Bringing down the house??? So far this season we’ve been getting an interesting dose of Gregory House 2.0 after his embroiled, painful stint in rehab created an entirely new breed of monster. He’s still House, he’s still a prickly thorn in everyone’s side, but he’s… different. And I don’t think you can deny that it’s different in a positive way. This show probably only has two or three seasons left, so this is the stretch where the creators will have to determine if this goes down in history as a truly great show, or a show that had promise and floundered out in the end.

“Lost” – Oh, “Lost.” You are an elusive, mysterious mistress indeed. Whatever people might say or think about this past season, there’s only one thing that truly matters when talking about season 5: time travel. I was very skeptical. I didn’t think it would work. “Lost” was already the most complicated TV show in history and time travel only makes things more difficult. But they did it, they pulled it off. Not only did they pull it off, it looks like they’re using time travel as a great device to not really “bookend” the show, but to seal it off, preserving it in a sense. As if they’re wrapping it in plastic to keep out contaminates.

The actors on the show continue to step it up episodes after episode on this show. How valuable are the performances of Terry O’Quinn (Locke), Michael Emerson (Ben), Matthew Fox (Jack), and Evangeline Lilly (Kate), indeed the whole cast? Here’s how I see it: “Lost” would make a fantastic series of novels; the story and the mystery is what makes this show so popular. The actors however are making this a real-world story; a lesser group of actors would merely make this show an overly elaborate fairy tale. The final season has so much to live up to, and the writers could possibly end up failing fans. But I seriously doubt the actors will.

“The Daily Show” & “The Colbert Report” – Not necessarily what I would call the best shows on television, but I don’t think it’s a stretch at all to call them the most important hour of creative television being made today.

“Real Time with Bill Maher” – This show keeps me sane. This is the show that “Crossfire” could have been if it hadn’t been run by ideologues and puppets.

Even with these fine shows, there were a few shows on TV this past year that seriously disappointed me:

“Dollhouse” – Given that I wrote about the failures of this show about a week ago, I don’t feel any especial need to elaborate any further. Despite it’s faults, I very much wish the show wasn’t being canned.

“Kings” - This show actually should be included in the section of what I enjoyed, as “Kings” was completely absorbing. It’s not the show that disappointed me, but NBC for not continuing the series, and the rest of the cable universe for not seeing their mistake and picking up and continuing the series. This show was gorgeous. Even if the story wasn’t near Shakespearean in its depth (and it was), it has to be the most beautifully filmed show I have ever seen on television. I’m so sad to see this show go. Ian McShane is a gargantuan actor capable of any task you set before him.

“The Glenn Beck Show” – Now, I know what you’re thinking. Haha, what a funny little joke. But I’m including this here because it was a true, legitimate disappointment for me. On his radio show, I had come to somewhat respect Beck as a pundit for the Republican party. I didn’t agree with hardly anything he said at all, but at least he wasn’t the pompous windbag that Rush Limbaugh is. Turns out if you put him in front of a camera he’s actually worse than Limbaugh. I was fine to disagree with him politically, and his random conspiracy theory rants don’t bother me so much. It’s his tactics that absolutely blow my mind. This guy is an inexcusable weasel.

Christmas Workout Cheer

2009-12-25T11:55:00.000-06:00

Current Tunes: Anthrax – A.I.R.

Man I feel exhausted., but in a good way. Working out this morning wasn’t a torture session this morning, it actually felt good.

Right as soon as I got done running, I looked up at the TV in the gym & on ESPN they were doing a short feature on Alabama football and they’re upcoming BCS championship game against Texas. A lot of the conversation centered around Alabama being such a favorite in this game, and whether or not all the pundits saying they were so favored would go to their heads. I was encouraged to hear not only Saban saying they’re not listening to that talk, but that the key leaders on both side of the ball weren’t buying eht hype either. That’s the best Christmas present I could get this year: seeing the Tide beat the pants off of Texas and take back the crown for the best football program in college football!

Watching the segment had greater benefit for me though. Seeing all the clips they showed of Alabama’s victories was pretty inspiring for me at that moment. Thinking about how for the decade or so before Saban got there we had to wallow in mediocrity. Controversial, backstabbing coaches and heavy-handed sanctions kept us down to some degree, but whatever adversity held the program back, UA is back on top again.

I thought about all the hard work those kids have gone through this season to get to where they are, and it made me think that I too could work that hard and win my own championship. I could finally loose the weight I needed to loose and could not just feel healthy but be healthy again.

That’s one especially important key to a long, drawn out process like this. You have to constantly find things or ideas to keep motivating you, to keep pushing you along when things feel monotonous or like they’re in a standstill. I realized today too a difference between this attempt at weight loss and times before. Times before I would tell myself how easy it was going to be, and that’s not true at all. Weight loss is hard to do, but nothing truly worthwhile is easy, right?

Happy Holidays to everyone, and bonus points to you for reading my humble blog on Christmas.

Health Care Bill Passed After 11 Months of Effort! Now What?

2009-12-24T16:32:00.002-06:00

Current Tunes: Megadeth – Washington is Next!

How monumental is this health care debate to our world? Well apparently it was the 2nd longest Senate debate in history, short only of the discussion over whether or not to join the fight in World War I. But it’s passed now. After a little fine-tuning here and there, it looks like Obama will sign it into law soon.

I wish I knew whether or not I was legally obliged to acquire health insurance under this plan. I’m still in this gray area of student/worker/adult whatever. If I am indeed going to be forced by the government to purchase a health care plan, that might be a silver lining. It would certainly light a fire under me to pick myself up and get a real, 40-hour/week job.

That’s not really what had my attention when I look at the passing of this bill. When I read about this being such a long debate that stacked up to the WWI Senate debates, it immediately called to my mind Woodrow Wilson for me. Suddenly my thoughts turned to a smirking irony, as I added it up in my head and saw Obama become Wilson Jr., in a sense. Wilson was a guy who was laughably idealistic, and had such grandiose plans for America and wanted them to happen, no matter the cost. But he still had these idealistic tendencies, and in politics those are always one of the first costs.

Obama marketed himself as a guy who wouldn’t make those compromises, but it looks to me like he’s already getting a taste of what that’s going to be like. No bipartisan support on anything. Guantanamo's Torture Hotel still not closed for another year. No financial/banking reform. Not saying I want it to turn out this way, but I can totally look to the future and see Obama wheeling around town, broken, beaten, and never smiling just like Wilson did at the end of his time in office, shaking out the hollow shell of a farce they called the League of Nations.

It’s taken him a whole year to build this health care business to this point. I’ll grant him he had some extraordinary barriers in his way, but certainly he wasn’t naïve enough to think the Republicans would just roll over for him, did he? Things will only get tougher from here on out, especially if Republicans win back some seats in the next election. As we say in the south, he better get while the gettin’s good.

I may not have voted for him last year, but I was willing to give him a shot. I thought he’d hit the ground running hard, but it looks like he may have hit just a little too hard and gradually lost all the momentum. If the election were tomorrow I don’t know who I’d vote for, but it certainly wouldn’t be Obama at this point.

A Sudden Removal / 'Time Magazine' Annoys Me

2009-12-23T16:32:00.004-06:00

Current Tunes: The Sword - Mother, Maiden, & Crone

Welcome to my 50th post! Confetti!!!

Well, it’s gone. That’s the end of that. It’s time to move on from here.

I went and got my hair cut this afternoon. By cut I mean completely stricken from my person. I removed two years worth of hair growth and now it sits in a bundle on my desk, detached from me forever.

It took me a long time to gather up the strength to go to the salon, sit down in the chair and actually go through with it. I’m talking at least two months of dancing around it, thinking about it, but never finding the time or motivation or whatever it took to actually go through it. Until today, when I just woke up, decided I would just do it, no more thinking about it, just purely and simply deciding to go and do it. It’s funny how it’s not a complicated thing, really, to just up and decide that yes this thing will happen. You let the (imagined) weight of it fester in your mind, and you start to second-guess yourself.

Anyway, I’m so happy I did it. It’s cliché, but I feel like a completely new man. I think I look like a real person now, a respectable person, not some caricature or anything like that. My viking-self is of course sad that my hair’s gone, but he’ll get over it soon enough. This was meant to happen. It feels like the realest thing I’ve done in a while.

So I don’t know where “Time Magazine” gets the idea that they are a major authority on cinema, but they somehow decided that publishing their own list of the “Best 100 Movies of All Time” was warranted. I really don’t have a lot of bad things to say. I’m overjoyed to see them put “Blade Runner,” “Brazil,” and “City of God” on the list. Lumping all three “Lord of the Rings” films into one is kind of cheating; those films are overrated anyway.

There are plenty of the usual choices, and that’s perhaps the biggest gripe I could have about this list; it’s just too safe. There’s no ‘omg’ choices to get people talking. It’s all the same choices you always see on lists like this, in fact this list looks eerily similar to AFI’s.

OK, I take it back. There is one choice on this list that definitely puzzles me, and it’s the “The Fly” from 1986. I’ve never seen that film, and probably never will given how much I dislike bugs and horror films in general. So perhaps I shouldn’t judge, but really? “The Fly?” Let’s even operate on the presumption that this specific slot is reserved for a film that falls in the sci-fi/horror genre. Are you trying to tell me that you chose “The Fly” for that slot over Ridley Scott’s “Alien?” That’s just silly. Stick to politics, please.

Bringing the Pain & "Karate Kid" Remake Looks Meh

2009-12-22T16:42:00.002-06:00

Current Tunes: Strapping Young Lad – Love?

Throwing my jeans into the dryer earlier today, I wondered why exactly I hear so many people say they don’t like doing laundry. I don’t get it. Doing laundry is a cinch. Maybe my view of laundry stems from my undying love for clean, hot clothes fresh from the dryer. It’s the best feeling ever. Beyond that, aren’t there other more irritating house chores? Sweeping/mopping the floor? Washing dishes? Laundry’s just picking up some clothes, dumping them in the washer with a little soap, then bang! Twenty minutes later they’re clean. Done deal.

Sorry to disappoint you, but this isn’t a post dedicated to the virtues of laundry-doing. So now that that’s covered…

I woke up and worked out today. Holy crap did that hurt. Daily workouts, along with a balanced and healthy diet, is a serious goal that I’m incorporating. I’ve done it before too; I’ve had significant two or three month periods where I did work out regularly and saw results. I eventually fell off the track though; I don’t particularly remember why and I don’t particularly care either. I’m not going to let past failures at this inhibit me. Looking toward the future, that’s what happens from here on out.

Though it’s moderately frustrating at the starting phase, and for a very strange reason. I only worked out at about 75% intensity as I was at during my peak exercising stints. My mind wants me to be back at the level I was at during my peak, but because it’s been so long since I worked out I have to start slowly, of course. Lest I kill myself. However, this is just another facet of teaching myself to reject the idea that failing once before means I will always fail. That is a fallacy and it is one that I am done with.

My dieting plan is a two-fold attack. The first part is learning to cook things. I barely know how to cook a grilled cheese sandwich or pasta. I think a major problem in my normal diet is I eat too many things that are processed, easy-to-fix foods that are loaded with calories. If I would just learn to cook well, I could eat healthier food I’m certain. And loose weight, which is of course the final desired result.

The second prong of this battle strategy is eliminating certain foods all together. Yes, all together. From here on out, no more soft drinks, no potato chips, no frozen chicken tenders, no more cookies, and most sadly, no more beer. Soft drinks I have eliminated before; I remember a good three or four year stretch where I never drank one. The difficult part is finding something to substitute for soft drinks. All the other things I can find easy substitutes for that are healthy, but tasty beverages that aren’t water are not easy to come by. Tea is definitely a candidate to replace coke. I’ll manage though. Success is the only option.

On the movie front… A new trailer for the remake of “The Karate Kid hit the Internet today. I heard about this a while back, and what made me not immediately vomit at the news was the fact that Jackie Chan was to be involved in the Mr. Miyagi role.

But, of course, instead of being a Japanese-American war veteran, Chan looks like he plays a homeless, drunken, street-dweller. Maybe that’s not the case, but that’s how it looks. Well regardless, looking at the trailer the one problem that’s grating on me now is actually the title. They should have changed the title to “The Kung Fu Kid.” It’s kind of an insult to both Chinese and Japanese cultures by mislabeling this film; Kung Fu is a Chinese martial art and Karate is uniquely Japanese, for those of you who do not know. There might be some who say I’m nitpicking, but people in this country would pitch a fit if a movie suggested some cultural facet based here in America were confused with, or drawn parallel to, Canadian culture.

I’m just saying is all. The real truth of the matter is they probably kept the title for its clout and prestige, to help sell a product to the masses. Everyone knows the original film, and that’s a selling point for this film. Even if the context and culture have been completely changed, for many people it will still appear to be the same film all over again. Bah, Hollywood can be oh so frustrating sometimes.

Cameron Answers the Call; "Avatar" is Stellar

2009-12-21T16:25:00.002-06:00

Current Tunes: Nachtmystium – Ghosts of Grace

So the next step in the filmmaking evolutionary ladder has finally stumbled onto the scene; “Avatar” is out and running in theaters all over the world raking in metric tons of cash. I still remember years ago when news was leaking out about Cameron finally coming back to popular filmmaking, with some sci-fi themed project he’d been working on for years upon years. It sounded pretty preposterous to me, I admit. But I had to hold faith in the project, because this was James Cameron we were talking about. The guy who’s simultaneously responsible for the highest grossing, 2nd-most-Oscar-winning film in history (“Titanic”) as well as inarguably the greatest pure action flick ever made (“Terminator 2: Judgment Day”). Not to mention projects like “Aliens,” and “The Abyss.”

Even when the project first got rolling, plenty of hype-spewers were saying the most puzzling things; it was going to be a 3D masterpiece, it would change the cinema dynamic, maybe even it was his greatest project yet? I was baffled by all of this talk. Cameron didn’t have anything to prove to the world; he’s the Hank Aaron, the Michael Jordan of popular American cinema. If there were a motion picture “Hall of Fame,” he’s wouldn’t be inducted yet but they’d already be preparing an entire wing of the museum just for him.

Then the previews hit the street a year or so ago and I wondered where all this cut footage of “Star Wars: The Phantom Menace” had suddenly appeared from. It definitely looked like something stuck in-between a live action film and a Saturday morning cartoon. This significantly lowered my expectations. I almost wondered if I would even see it. But last month, as the early reviews started to come in and it became clear that “Avatar” might have some legs, my heart lifted a bit. Perhaps the Hero of Hollywood, Cameron, would return triumphantly.

“Avatar” is a good film; undeniably I would say. Film history isn’t something we always have a firm grasp on, so saying someone’s work is “revolutionary” or “game-changing” is a bit premature, especially for a film only in its first week of release. However I’d say it certainly looks like it will be. But let’s not even talk about the future, when the present for this film is so much more interesting….

For starters, it did $77 million in business in America over the weekend alone, with more than $242.5 million cashed-in worldwide for the same time period. So it’s pretty much already made its money back. Which, normally, that’s not such an astounding feat on its own; plenty of films have done that. What’s important to recognize is this is a film that by most accounts cost $300 million to make. Compare that to the $140 million it took to make “Iron Man,” the $185 budget of “The Dark Knight,” or even the $200 million price tag on this year’s monstrous “2012.”

We’ve seen some serious watershed moments for box office tallies, between last year’s unbelievable fun for “The Dark Knight” and this year’s box office beating brought to us by “Transformers 2: ROTF,” which grossed $800 million worldwide. Don’t be surprised when “Avatar” outshines both of these films at the ticket counter. We would be wise to point out that perhaps some of the reason why its box office totals will be due to increased ticket prices from the inclusion of 3D glasses, but don’t be fooled. People are going to go see this movie because it rocks.

Now, also, to you sci-fi fans out there who might think it looks a little too much like a kids movie, I want you to consider a very important little factoid. After his weekend’s debut, “Avatar” now boasts the largest debut weekend ever for an original film. By original we mean not based on previous material, not based on a comic book or a sequel or what have you. This one fact is what has me harping on “Avatar” so much. Like “District 9,” it represents an original, creative science fiction vision whose power and appeal isn’t already prepackaged with a previously published book series or a lifetime of nostalgia to help it sell. This is something new that wants to (and confidently does) stand on its own.

Smart, original, and entertaining science fiction film is dying out, and it hurts me so much to say that. The reason it’s dying is because the genre is becoming flooded with these mediocre comic book adaptations and series sequels and other bombastic nonsense that’s geared more towards selling popcorn than getting people to talk about good ideas. I won’t launch into a prejudiced tirade against “Star Trek,” but even that film falls into the same lump of super-blockbusters that feel like all whiz! bang! and pow! and come up significantly short on true substance. That’s a series that used to really belt out some of the best thought-provoking American science fiction, but it looks to me like that’s a thing of the past.

All this text so far and I’ve talked so little about the film, haven’t I? Well, I’d like to believe that the less I tell you, the more you’ll enjoy it once you go see it. That was part of caused me to be so stunned by what I saw: I didn’t know what to expect. So let me just go with generalities.

It’s a roller coaster ride like any other modern blockbuster, but it’s smart. It’s clever, and it’s technically masterful, as all Cameron’s work is. The story you’ve probably heard before, but there’s enough new twists to it to keep you engrossed and entertained. The effects and computer animation are probably the best committed to film yet. That’s one of it’s most appealing qualities sure, but how I would describe the film’s use of effects is that Cameron was less concerned with using them to wow you and instead concentrated on just showing you. That strategy worked wonderfully, as you very gradually and gently become lured into the world he creates; you can literally feel the planet encompassing you as you try to brush away the limbs and bugs that flitter past your face as you voyage from scene to scene.

I enjoyed “Avatar” because I could just feel in my bones that this wasn’t a film that was solely concerned with taking money from your wallet, then presenting you with a few mindless distractions as compensation. “Avatar” has a place to take you, and makes sure you’re incredibly comfortable for the ride and makes sure to take the scenic route. Simply joyous. Phenomenal. This is a film to end this decade on. Don’t wait for DVD, this is a theater experience unlike anything we have seen before.

Keep On Raging in the UK

2009-12-20T16:30:00.001-06:00

Current Tunes: Killing in the Name - Rage Against the Machine

So how powerful is Facebook? It's ability to move people and breach barriers was definitely proven today in the UK, where a few average citizens got so tired of being force-fed the same old pop music crap and pulled off a miracle. It seems that for the four years before this one, the winner of the UK Christmas #1 Single happened to always be a song by the winner of the show “X-Factor,” which is essentially the UK's version of “American Idol” if you didn't know.

Two brave and creative folks from Essex, Tracy & Jon Morter, decided they would put together a protest to fight against manufactured, soulless music and started a group on Facebook dedicated to putting a different musician at the top of the Christmas charts this year. Their musician and song of choice? “Killing in the Name” by Rage Against the Machine. After organizing hundreds of thousands on their Facebook group, they launched a massive campaign encouraging people all over the UK to buy online downloads of the 15-year-old RATM song from their self-titled album. Just a few hours ago, the charts made their finally tallies and Rage came out on top over recent “X-Factor” winner Joe McElderry.

Now they could have chosen just about any song by any real, legitimate musician and I would have totally been behind this. But choosing Rage, and “Killing in the Name” in particular, really warms my heart. Over 500,000 people in the UK ended up buying a digital download of the song to make this awesome protest happen. That's a whole hell of a lot of people who are fed up with fake, plastic, artificial music that gets made just to make profit for major record companies. That fact alone gives me a little more hope for the future of the music industry, a business that is already struggling so hard to find new footing in the digital age. Hopefully it won't be lost on these companies that this event also proves that online distribution of music is indeed the future.

I don't want to over exaggerate and call this the biggest story of the year or anything, but I think this event is far more significant than it might look with a brief glance. Here we have just about finished up the first decade of this century, of this millennium actually, and we have this interesting little event come along that nudgingly reminds us that this world we live in is indeed getting smaller. And technology is the reason why.

Lock It Up in "The Attic": The Demise of Whedon's "Dollhouse"

2009-12-19T14:59:00.006-06:00

Current Tunes – George Thorogood & The Destroyers – Bad to the Bone

I’m finally coming around to accept something that’s both difficult and frustrating. I’ve almost been in denial about it, as much as one can be about these sorts of things. I think I mostly listened too much to what others tried to say, instead of just listening to my heart. It’s disappointing to have to come to grips with it, but it’s better to face the truth of the matter than to continue to live in a deluded world built on falsehood. It’s for the better for me to face up to it. This is so hard to say, but I’m afraid that I’ve come to realize that “Dollhouse” is not a very good television show.

While it’s been quite enthralling to get two shows worth of material for the last couple of weeks, the format has had an unfortunate side effect for the show. The primary problem is these episodes were clearly meant to be shown with a week’s break in-between each, so some of the usual tension and excitement that comes from standing around the proverbial water cooler each week to talk about the show’s development has been diminished. A good, dramatic television show, like a good stew, has to simmer for a little while, and clumping the episodes into two-piece nights isn’t letting the audience get the full flavor of the show. This all in all isn’t really the fault of the show’s creators, this is just the strategy taken by Fox to hurry and rush the show out of it’s schedule so both they, and Whedon, can get on with their lives. The tumultuous relationship is over.

However, getting to see two episodes in such chronological proximity allows for a much more precise and immediate comparison, and the resulting examinations aren’t very promising. Last night’s (Friday) block particularly highlighted this paradigm, featuring one show that was severely lacking in flow and craftsmanship (among other traits) while the second seriously turned up the heat with intrigue, mystery, and good ol’ fashioned fun. That’s how this show has been from the outset; it’s simply a hit or miss show that shows some wonderfully bright flashes of inspiration and ideas, but in the process burns itself out.

What had always frustrated me about the show (and I believe many, many other fans of the show) is how the “Dollhouse” could not, no matter what it did, get me emotionally invested in Echo, the main character for gosh sakes! Such a flaw of storytelling would normally be enough to completely kill my attachment to any sort of show, but such was the perplexing nature of this show: despite my scorn for Echo, most of the other supporting characters overwhelmingly well-done, provocative, interesting, not to mention finely acted. Victor, Sierra, Boyd, Topher, Adele all gripped me with their personalities and their individual conflicts that kept me turning the page, so to speak, each week with this show.

Apparently that trait held only a fragile amount of sway with me, as it all came crashing down with the first of the two episodes from last night, “Stop-Loss.” More appropriately called “The Victor Episode,” we get a focused look in on Victor’s real life after his contract with the Dollhouse expires. Turns out Victor is a former soldier, suffering from PTSD; or at least, he was suffering from PTSD until Topher cured him of it, which I thought was another very cool extrapolation of the technology being explored in this show. While I’m sure this was meant to be a companion episode to “Belonging” (the fantastic Sierra-oriented episode, directed by “Star Trek: The Next Generation” star Jonathan Frakes), “Stop-Loss” unfortunately featured none of the tension, excitement, or heart that its counterpart had. Which is all the more a disservice to Enver Gjokaj, who has been nothing short of stellar playing the role of Victor.

The episode following “Stop-Loss” was a step back in the right direction though. Ever since this show started, one concept had literally frightened me to my core, and in “The Attic,” we got to finally see what that mysterious place was really all about. It was everything I expected, and nothing like what I expected at the same time. That mostly stems from some specific secrets about the purpose and operation of the Attic, which of course I won’t spoil here. This episode stunningly moved along the main plot line quite efficiently and managed to explain plenty while not making things more complicated (something “Lost” does every single week, ha). This episode was an absolute treat, but as I said before it unfortunately highlighted the show’s frustrating inconsistency, and that took a little of the fun out of it.

All that jabbering to just flat out tell you I’m so happy “Dollhouse” is coming to an end soon. Only three episodes left, and unfortunately I have to wait until January 8th for the next one. You gave it a good try Whedon, but I think you made a few key mistakes that those ended up too overwhelming to carry a show like this whose premise was already a bit shaky and pushy, especially for studio executives. To be fair, it hasn’t all been you’re fault. They stuck you with a really lame time slot. I would have watched this show on cable every single night if it had been scheduled on a Tuesday or a Wednesday; Friday night is meant for socializing, not for sitting on the couch, sorry.

But it’s all OK! I have a feeling you’ve got something extra special up your sleeve for your next couple of projects. It’s that promise that helps me feel fine with “Dollhouse” ending. Consider this: can you really look me in the eye and pick any one individual episode of “Dollhouse” and tell me it’s better than “Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog?” No, you can’t. Because “Dr. Horrible” is a supremely intelligent little animal, and I for one think that’s what Joss should concentrate on for the near future. It should be pretty obvious to most that that’s what he’ll be concentrating on in the near future, and I’m perfectly fine with that. I can’t imagine how much different things would have been if Joss had invested all the money & energy he used on “Dollhouse” and put it towards “Dr. Horrible” instead, but there’s no point in silly what-ifs. It’s best to just keep looking forward.

"District 9" Rules 2009

2009-12-18T18:57:00.001-06:00

Current Tunes: Baroness – Steel That Sleeps the Eye

I watched “Moon” last night, an interesting little sci-fi feature by newcomer Duncan Jones. I found out after a brief bit of digging that Mr. Jones is actually the son of David Bowie. Crazy no? What a legacy to have to live up to…

Anyway, I wanted to talk about moon to more specifically talk about another movie. “Moon” was good enough for what it was. An interesting little character study, of sorts. I had high hopes for this film; the hype was at just the right level for me to be excited, but not to a brimming-over point, like I might get with mindless fan-fare like your everyday comic book movie. I gotta say though, I’m quite let down by “Moon.” I guess why I’m let down by it is because it wasn’t the new age masterpiece that plenty of people were calling it.

I had been so excited by all the buzz surrounding it “2001” influence, but what I saw looked less like influence and more like unadulterated plagiarism. Which happens, in film these days anyway. I had a hard time identifying with the main characters, and I would explain why, but it’d require spoiling a major, major plot point that’s best kept secret. It just got flat out dull at moments too, and that’s never a good sign.

But getting to the point, the positive outcome of seeing “Moon” was it gave me a newer appreciation of not just how overwhelmingly good “District 9” is, but how powerfully vital it will be in the coming decades. I’m going to go ahead and proclaim “District 9” the best sci-fi film made since “2001.” Shock and amazement, I know… It’s true though. I challenge you to find me a movie made in the genre since 1968 that is 1) technically masterful 2) wholly original 3) pertinent to world affairs and 4) all and out purely entertaining as “District 9” is. Plenty of sci-fi films have had a few of these elements, but I can’t think of many that contain all four. Even my beloved “The Matrix” can at best lay claim to three of these criteria, in my opinion.

Looking back through the years, I confidently feel “District 9” stacks up to any film made in the genre (and to plenty outside of it). That’s why (as a little preview to my end-of-the-year lists) I’m going to go ahead spoil you folks on my best film of 2009 and tell you that its undoubtedly “District 9.” And this is without even seeing the work of my hero and idol, Terry Gilliam. That should let you know how heavy I am on this film. If you haven’t seen it, go out and get it next week when it hits DVD.

Approaching the End of the Decade & It Turns Out Tiger Woods is the Gene Simmons of the PGA

2009-12-17T17:23:00.002-06:00

Current Tunes: Pardon the Interruption on ESPN

Between all the insanity surrounding Tiger Woods and the death of Bengals’ wide receiver Chris Henry this morning, I’m moderately thankful I’m not a celebrity. The debacle Woods is going through makes me oh so grateful for my privacy, what little of it I still have. Admittedly I myself am actually most responsible for any lack of privacy I’ve suffered. Using Facebook, Twitter, this blog are all conscious decisions that degrade my level of privacy, at varying levels. The Internet is shrinking the privacy bubble; we’ve all known that for a while, but how much smaller is it going to get? Could we possibly complete burst it?

RFID chips in national ID cards? ISPs logging all your purchases and shopping accounts to better know how to market to you? Patriot Act wiretapping, warrant-burning, Miranda rights stomping nonsense. There’s lots of ways our privacy is being curtailed. I’m not out to sound like a conspiracy theorist. One person I know would probably respond, “Who cares? The government doesn’t have any interest in you, you’re a speck of dust on the shelf.” It’s probably true, but shouldn’t privacy still be a principle to stand up for? A right to be protected? And like I said before, that right is almost completely gone for major celebrities who have to live with people trying to hack their cell phones for pictures or text messages, whether incriminating or not. Average standing citizens might not be far behind, and that bothers me.

Now, about Joseph Lieberman. I never liked this half-wit from the start. Sorry to be tooting my own horn, but I wanted this guy gone from the Senate years ago. This is the same knucklehead who thinks that Congress should get to decide what music you listen to, what movies you watch, & what video games you’re allowed to play. Apparently American government is knowledgeable enough about art to dictate what’s tolerable, but they can’t run a health care insurance racket? I know they’re completely different subjects, but that logic just does not add up to me.

In reality, I haven’t been following the health care debate/issue/hodgepodge/catastrophe in great detail. I’m not very invested in the discussion, to be truthful. But I can’t miss out on a chance to bash on my Most Hated Senator, Mr. Lieberman. Nevertheless, if you want to know what I think about health care (and you obviously do if you read this freakin’ blog!), I think the public option should happen. My general logic for this is, if people get sick, they die. Or, they miss work, or they under perform at work. Or they can’t take care of their children. Then the economy suffers as a whole. That’s disgustingly simplistic, I’ll admit.

So let me look at it a completely new way. I understand the exchange of commerce is vital to our society’s stability, but what are some things we don’t charge for, or charge very minimal for? The examples that come to mind, for me, are breathable air & water. Another thing we provide that we don’t pay much for (compared to what it costs) is military protection. Why is it we don’t pay a fee to the military, but we have to pay for a little round white dot that cures headaches or infections or whatever? Yeah, I know what you’re going to say: taxes. Well taxes pay for lots of other things than military.

Health care is expensive, but so are Hollywood film productions. James Cameron just spent $300+ million on a movie. But when it comes out tomorrow, people are going to be paying an average of about $9 a ticket to see it. You can make significant investments, as a company, and still keep prices at the consumer level low and affordable and still make it profitable. Looking at the same industry, Sony Pictures & Terry Gilliam aren’t going to charge $30 a ticket for “The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus” to make up for the fact that only a third (or less) of the people who saw “Avatar” will see their film. And they even spent less money making “Parnassus.” But yet health care companies, hospitals, insurance companies, whoever are going to charge more for a certain procedure or prescription just because this treatment gets used less often than a dose of Tylenol or a swift slap on the back?

If anything, allow me to use a purely Pathos-based argument: America touts itself as the greatest, most prolific, most well-to-do country in the world, but we let our citizens die every day of treatable, curable disease just because they don’t have the financial means necessary to line the pockets of hoggish health insurance companies. That idea just sickens me to think about it.

The Return

2009-12-16T20:17:00.002-06:00

Current Tunes: Ole’ Nessie – Mastodon

So I took one whopper of a hiatus it seems. That’s not unfamiliar ground for me with my blogs. I’ve got a track record of just disappearing for sections of time and such was the case for the major part of this fall. Two and a half months I’ve been gone, and I can’t make any good excuse. No, I won’t make any excuses. That’s something that has to be gotten rid of.

This past quarter of school was quite challenging for me, and I feel like I barely survived. I learned some new things, discovered that I can dig inside and find a way to push myself when I really need to. I still don’t think I’m some vanquisher of adversity, but I’m possibly apprenticing for the title. I wanted to give up so very much, but I didn’t. I should feel very good about that; I should feel better about it than I do. Persevering through class was a triumph. Like always, I guess, I highlight my failures and forget my successes.

The time for that is done and over with though. I’m putting together a toolbox. It’s sturdy, and it’s going to someday be filled with all the things I need to complete the tasks I have ahead of me. I’m tired of falling victim to the same foolish mental fallacies and faults that pave a path to disappointment and despair. I haven’t written anything in a long time, not really written anything. I’ve put words on a page; I’ve organized them into documents. But I haven’t churned out anything that feels like a creation. Just products. That’s coming to a stop though. I’m rediscovering my love for the overwhelming power of creativity.

I’ve had to sort through all the distant memories to find what I needed to get back to a place where writing is a love and not a chore. I remember being locked away in my apartment in Tuscaloosa so many years ago, where I ended up writing some of the best things I’ve ever written in my life. I remember nights just sitting at my desk with lit candles and Bryant-Denny stadium lit up across the street. I remember a time when I didn’t have to force the writing, when it just happened. Subconsciously, I knew I needed to get back to that place, and so I tried all sorts of stupid, foolish methods to get back there, none of which worked. I think I’ve come to realize I don’t have to go back to that place; I have to go back to me.

As for the future of Quantifiable Darkness, one major problem I had was a complete lack of schedule in regards to when posts would happen. That is a thing of the past. Starting today, posts happen daily. That's right, daily. Expect the same fun-time hodgepodge of media commentary, political rambling, personal accounts and other general mayhem. Sometime after Christmas Day you can all tune in for my end-of-the-year "Best Ofs," which has mostly been compiled but is on hold until a few certain films have been viewed, including "Antichrist," "Avatar," "The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus," and "Up in the Air," among a few others. I'm especially excited about my "Biggest Disappointment" sections, now not just in music, but for the TV & film components as well. Joy of joys!

I’ve returned, and it feels good to be back. You should know this isn’t the only thing I’m going to write tonight either. As soon as this gets posted, I’m getting to work on something else, one of a few different small projects I want to try out. Hopefully writing up a small essay or a few poems will jump-start me into finishing my thesis in the coming two weeks.

United States of Zombieland

2009-10-04T11:16:00.001-05:00

Current Tunes: Radiohead - Lucky

I haven’t seen as many movies this year as I have in past ones, so I can’t help but have some reservation about what I’m about to say, but “Zombieland” is probably going to end up being my favorite film of this year. It was an absolute treat; it was like a nice, high-cost but high in flavor and pleasure dessert from a upscale restaurant. Like a rich, decadent red-velvet cake that you sink your teeth into with ravenous delight, doing your own unconscious zombie impression as you chomp mindlessly at your brains-dessert with unbelievable fervor.

I loved the genre-mixing, stroke-of-genius idea of mixing zombie apocalypse with reluctant, awkward misfit road trip. The beauty of that idea comes in how you get a sense of progression and movement along with the characters as they traverse the burned and damaged countryside, scavenging for food and for some sense of solace. Placing the story inside of that narrative, you feel like you’re actually getting somewhere instead of waiting for everyone to die whilst huddled together in the local mall, like in “Dawn of the Dead” for example.

That movie’s genius too, but this is a new breed of zombie film that I think perfectly fits in with the precedent and canon first set out in “Shaun of the Dead.” I could see both that film and “Zombieland” taking place in the same world, at the same time. I’m pretty sure the characters from each movie would have trouble getting along with each other, but with most survival-oriented narratives, of course they would find a way to reconcile. I’d like to see that movie.

“Zombieland” has it’s own uniquely American attitude however. It has a tendency to dwell on a moment or two for too long, but makes up for it by diving back into the major narrative head first without recourse. Cavalier is a good word to describe this movie; it knows what the rules and conventions are, and it follows them as far as its devil-may-care attitude will take it, but winks at you through the whole process.

And how attractive is Emma Stone in this movie? Very. I’d give her hotness a rating of supernova for this performance. Hot, rebellious chick wearing lots of black leather toting a shotgun and kicking just as much ass as Woody Harrelson’s character… it’s perfect. Woody Harrelson is spectacular as well; easily my favorite character in the whole bunch. I was warmed and entranced by how supremely bad ass ‘Tallahassee’ is, while still maintaining (and sometimes emphasizing) serious flaws in the character. The end result isn’t just an arrogant jerk you can learn to like, but you empathize with his plight. But even then, there was one other performance that was even hotter than both Harrelson and Stone combined.

I’m talking about Mr. Bill “I Can Create Life” Murray. I don’t think I’m going out on a limb to say it might be the greatest cameo role of all time. Let me repeat: all time. I can’t really explain why, because it’d give away the surprise of the whole event. What I’ll say is it gets this illustrious title of greatest all time because it’s so sublime and so perfect, and so incredibly creative, it’s almost like an entirely postmodern deconstruction of the cameo role as a facet of art. It is a cameo, but it isn’t. I know I’m prejudiced, considering he’s been my single most favorite actor since I was even a young child, but he should get some special recognition for his appearance in this movie. I suppose an Oscar is out of the question, which I find annoying because even an honor like that isn’t good enough for how awesome this cameo was.

All in all, a very worthwhile and very surprising movie. I promise you, what you see in the previews is only a small taste of what the movie offers, and even then they are somewhat misleading. I was totally surprised by this movie; I didn’t expect to laugh that much, but I did. I appreciated the risks that the writers and director took, even more when I realize they probably didn’t see them as risks when they started work on this fantastic film. They must have just seen they had a good idea on their hand that only required a subtle, small, quiet cast to connect the audience with the narrative, and they pulled that part off perfectly. A+ filmmaking, a sheer piece of joy.

Fight to Get it Back Again

2009-09-30T09:03:00.001-05:00

Current Tunes: Pearl Jam - The Fixer

So one dropped-out-of-class and one visit to the bursar later, and I feel significantly more myself than I did the last time I talked with you all. Less stress and more economic freedom makes for a fantastic combination, I must say. Now I can concentrate on more pressing matters like thesis work and job hunting.

Easiest way to explain how different today is compared to Monday would be to talk about what’s coming up for me this afternoon. I’m headed up to the school this afternoon to finish up some class work for today, and I’m actually moderately looking forward to it. Which is no small happening, considering how difficult this class will be for me, I think. I’m actually having to go to extra tutoring sessions on Fridays, to get help with learning InDesign so I can design this little book project of mine. It’s exciting, getting to learn something I know almost nothing about and have no skill regarding the primary process of it all.

Who says fighting is something negative? I’ve finally put something together about myself. I’m adversarial, wouldn’t you agree? Think about how contrary and argumentative I am most times. I think I finally figured out why I’m that way; because it’s a struggle, and there’s nothing like a good struggle to let you know you’re still alive. Conflict is what makes the world go ‘round, not love. Hell, you could make a pretty concrete argument that love is a conflict. Who was it that said love is a battlefield? Oh yeah, Pat Benatar. Well, not as compelling as Descartes or Pope, but it still gets the point across. No offense to you, Mrs. Benatar.

If I try to articulate why it is that I love the feel and the emotion of the struggle and the fight, it’s hard not to get caught in the undertow of it all. Fighting isn’t always violence and destruction; that’s a distinction I think people don’t always realize, and even I fall into that faulty logic from time to time. I’m going to do my best to stay out of it though. We struggle because we must. We fight because it is the path to greatness, achievement, progress and even hopefulness, sometimes.

Haven’t really meant for posts to focus so exclusively on personal observations and problems, but there hasn’t been much room for going to movies lately. New shows have started; both “Sons of Anarchy” and “House” are off to rolling starts, but I’m still evaluating them on a larger scale that will take another week or so. Hopefully this weekend, though, I’ll get out to the theater to see “Zombieland” and report back with a riveting review. Promise.

Failure and Success

2009-09-28T19:54:00.002-05:00

Current Tunes: Cowboys & Panthers (Panteras!) on Monday Night Football

So here’s my synopsis for the day. Here is how today was different.

1.) I said something that needed to be said today. I made the conscious decision to make a calculated, reasoned risk that yielded not the exact result I had envisioned, but indeed a better one. Overall, I felt good about it.

2.) I did laundry. Without specifically needing to. I could have likely gone another week or more without actually doing laundry, but I did.

3.) Not only did I continue my “mini-habits” routine this morning, I worked out for half an hour today. What a horrible half hour. It completely beat me, but I went the whole half hour even though I wanted to quit. A key lesson to remember.

4.) I woke up before the alarm that I set. Before. By an hour and a half. I’m tired now, have been all day (I’m sure working out only added to this). I could have gone back to sleep, but I made myself get up out of bed and the confidence I gained from that can’t be explained in words.

One last thing that made today different was interesting, insightful. I took a few t-shirts of mine (I have many) and set aside a few and cut the sleeves off a few of them, making a few sleeveless t-shirts to wear around the apartment. Sleeveless t’s are one of my greatest loves, something I didn’t discover until a year or so ago. So comfy...

Anyway, I only did this to four shirts. Only four. I could have done it to about ten more; I really only need ten or so real t-shirts for wearing out in public. The thought occurred to me that I mostly don’t want to do it because of my horribly unstoppable conservative streak. I want to conserve and preserve my shirts as they are, I can’t let them change. And for the silliest reasons. “Oh, I can’t cut up that shirt, I had such a good time at that fest,” or “I remember how I got that shirt, changing it would be like changing a memory.” Silly little rationales that fall short of the ideal definitions of fact and law. Maybe after I’m done with this, I’ll do one more.

All this today, and I still have an assignment due tomorrow and no idea what I’m going to turn in. On the surface, it’s not a difficult or complicated assignment at all. It just requires a good amount of creativity and of late I haven’t felt creative at all.

But the problem is bigger than that. I’m ashamed to turn in something for an assignment that I’m not proud of, something that I think is garbage. I think though, that may be something I need to teach myself to do. What ends up happening, I get so nervous and worried (worried is an important word here) about what’s required of me for the class and that I won’t meet the expectations of the teacher. So instead of just simply doing and/or trying, I just say to myself that to not do it at all would be the better choice. Which of course obviously it’s not. I had it really ingrained in me that everything always had to be your best, always. Not “as often as you can,” but always, every single time. I have to accept that there are some things I will not be the best at, that I will fail at. I will have to accept humility and go about life and not let it get the best of me.

My foolish self, I should remember how last quarter I stressed and stressed and worried and worried about my final paper in a class. I churned out a ridiculous, half-ass paper (by my standards anyway) and made I think an 88 on it. Maybe even higher than that. The point is, and J was there listening to me bitch constantly, I defeated myself before I had even started. I might be doing that with this assignment, unfortunately. I can foresee myself justifying the idea of just waking up early in the morning and starting to work on it immediately, AKA procrastination of the most unnecessary kind.

Perhaps all I need to do is accomplish even a small amount of work before I hit the hay tonight. Anything that can be a sign of progress.

2009-09-24T09:42:00.002-05:00

Current Tunes: Live feed of UN Security Council summit on nuclear disarmament

Two days in, I have incorporated two new habits into my mornings. Very simple ones; lying on the floor to relax/meditate for ten minutes as well as doing as many push ups as I can (this idea of course at the suggestion of Charles). I’m encouraged so far, and I believe these small practices will have good and positive results. Push ups are peculiar to me. I don’t believe I’d done real push ups since middle school, or maybe earlier. Yesterday, I think I only did three actual push ups, but today I did more like 13. I suppose the first day I was probably doing them wrong. I don’t think I had my arms spaced out far enough. So, already we have met with small progress! Great success!

A second weekend in a row in Florence will be had. It appears highly possible I’ll be attending the Tide & Arkansas game on Saturday, and that is immeasurably exciting to me. Going to the three Alabama games I went to last year was incredible; I’d go so far as to call it uplifting, invigorating, maybe even life-changing. We really need a huge showing against Arkansas. We need to beat them by three touchdowns or more and show the country just how serious this team is. Well, I suppose we don’t need to, but we’re just one victory like that away from replacing Texas in the #2 spot in the polls.

Game aside, I suppose I’ll spend half of my time helping pack up items in the house, and the other half working on class work or hanging out with the usual crew. Wish I didn’t have to wait to leave so late on Friday, but those are the breaks.

It occurred to me that Halloween’s only a month away, and as a consequence I’m going to do my best to make some solid, exciting plans now, not later. My last few Halloweens have been squandered at home, sitting around doing nothing in conjunction with what’s essentially the most fun holiday. I’m sure most of you might want to jump on me and say, “Hello?!?! CHRISTMAS???” but I would remind you, after the early morning presents and all that, you’re still left stuck in the house with nowhere to go except the movies (because everywhere else is closed) and you spend all your energy for the day in that first hour of the morning. With Halloween, you can wake up in the morning, slip on your Batman costume and wear it all day. And if you work hard enough at it, you can end up with ten times as much candy as you would get in your stocking on Christmas. Christmas is a sprint; Halloween is a marathon. That’s today’s lesson.

I had tuned into this little UN meeting (see Current Tunes) thinking it would be filled with insightful comments and possibly even a new idea or strategy for rethinking world disarmament. I should have known better, all I heard and saw was world leaders glad-handing each other, barking out pure and pointless rhetoric on how nuclear bombs are bad and we have to get rid of them, and keep certain other nut bags from getting them. That's real progress, woo boy. Stop saying what everyone already knows and get something done for once, please? Maybe I would actually like you, United Nations, if you did something meaningful.

Want to know the truth though? I'm really only ranting about this meeting because I can't find anything else that particularly catches my attention in regards to politics right now. Which actually, now that I think about it, this is a prime climate for me to be super-charged when it comes to politics and government, but I'm not. Everyone's running around at town hall meetings crying about the sky falling, or how global warming is going to turn the world upside down, or how North Korea's on the verge of sticking a nuke up our tailpipe, and none of this has me worried in the slightest. I'm not really sure why. I worry more about my own personal crises instead, and those I worry about too much.

That's what I've come to conclude: I worry too much when it comes to my own problems, but when it comes to the problems and concerns of the world itself I'm probably far too apathetic. I didn't always used to be that way, but things change and you have to learn to accept change, right? It happens. What can I do to change the problem of nuclear disarmament anyway? I'm not a nuclear physicist, and I'm definitely not a politician. That's a discussion for another time, really. I don't feel like going all 'it only takes one voice to change the world' right now, but maybe next time.

Non-Habit Forming

2009-09-21T21:12:00.002-05:00

Current Tunes: Insomnium - Down with the Sun

Man, what a way to start out a new season. If "House" isn't the penultimate of what television can accomplish, then they should just give up on the medium as a whole. Television almost without exception is terribly pointless and bad for you, but not "House." That's one of my favorite things about it.

Continuing with media related topics, my compliments to the Emmy Awards for being the first snobby, mindless, glad-handing award show in history to actually give an award to an entity that wholly deserved special accolades. I’m talking of course about the award that Joss Whedon and Co. won at the Creative Arts Emmy ceremony for “Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog.” I especially love what Mr. Whedon says at the end of the acceptance speech he gave that night. It’s good that the mainstream television industry is acknowledging not only good storytelling and creativity, but also a changing of the guard that’s happening. The Internet is not a deterrent to good television and storytelling; it’s a new and more efficient delivery system. I could very well seeing this as being a moment when media historians look back and say “When ‘Dr. Horrible’ won an Emmy, that’s what opened the floodgates.” My congratulations to Whedon, and I enthusiastically await the next part of the series. Especially when I consider how I think they have so many different angles to grow the show into.

I stumbled across an interesting little link today, via the Twitter account of one Mr. William Gibson. I don’t know if this report will get the needed circulation that I feel is really necessary, as the media can be quite unreliable when it comes to reporting stories that don’t involve the sex lives of pop singers. The real reason though I believe I’m pointing this article out is that it reminds and saddens me that I wasn’t more staunchly outraged by all the reports and facts surrounding how our government sanctioned torture for multiple years in multiple cases.

A younger me, a 17-year-old me, would have been so angered by such a revelation he would have demanded excused absence from school in order to more faithfully protest the extreme insanity and ignorance of our government representatives. But it was just another footnote for the current me. Perhaps though this not-so-stunning-to-me information will help awaken people to how we should proceed with not just complicated socio-political issues, but will serve as a reminder to treat our fellow man with a little more dignity and respect.

I feel I’m finally coming around to appreciate the real value in integrating positive habits into my life and routine, so now I must begin that process. I'm approaching this concept like a class; I have to assign myself practice exercises in order to teach myself the concepts and actions that represent comprehension of the material. With any process where you try to learn, where you’re starting fresh, I feel it’s probably a good idea to try first with something small. So I need a couple of good ideas for a small, almost-but-not-quite menial habit to ingrain in myself. One idea has been to just simply lie on the floor for half an hour a day, listening to my iPod and not getting up from the floor until the half hour has passed.

My other ‘simple’ idea had been to stop being so negative about everything in life, but after a moment I realized that’s a terribly complicated and difficult. Even then, it's not really creating a new and positive habit, it's eliminating a negative, preexisting one. The iPod idea isn’t great either, I feel. I don’t think it generates anything positive in my life; it’s merely ‘neutral.’ I suppose a habit is truly doing something and laying on the floor listening to music isn’t really doing. Working out daily is a highly desirable habit for me, but I’ve tried that before and couldn’t make it last. Maybe I should try again.

The Fall Approaches

2009-09-09T22:31:00.003-05:00

Current Tunes: Bruce Springsteen – The Rising

Such a worthless slacker I am! The lazy-break between quarters of class has devolved me into a creature with uncanny resemblance to sloths and sun-bathing cats of any species, save lions I might say...

How utterly indescribable Dragon*Con was. Another weekend’s worth of unbelievable memories logged and registered. I would say that I wished Dragon*Con happened every month, or every week, because its so much fun. But that would take away from what they’ve all meant up to this point. It wouldn’t be a special is what I’m trying to say.

First day was absolutely amazing. Getting to the Con at 7 AM was totally worth watching Leonard Nimoy & William Shatner banter back and forth like old friends at a bar enjoying a drink and reminiscing about old times. Though, between the two, the more enjoyable and more intelligent was definitely Leonard Nimoy, who impressed me greatly. Had a chance to see him at a 2nd panel, and I think I made a mistake in passing on that. Patrick Stewart’s panel was well-worth the +1 hour wait as well. Another incredibly well-spoken and intelligent overflowing with grace and good stories; what more could a fan-boy like me ask for? I’m curious to see what this new Shakespearean production he’s involved with will be; I’m anticipating “King Lear,” but I could be wrong.

The first day as well, I went to a panel featuring the man himself, Terry Gilliam, and he was gracious enough to show us a wealth of footage from “The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus” and I was utterly enthralled with what we saw. What I liked best about the panel was when he talked about Heath Ledger, who he talked about not as if some sort of Herculean demi-god had left the earth, but mentioned his passing as what it most realistically was: a horrible passing that can’t be dwelled upon, but can be remembered through tribute and reverence. My devotion to the master (Gilliam) paid off too; on Saturday, at his panel with Neil Innes discussing “Monty Python’s Flying Circus,” I was rewarded for my diligence and time spent waiting in lines. The two men were privy to presenting two lucky individuals from the audience with a signed box set of “Monty Python” DVDs, and Mr. Gilliam’s criteria for deciding his recipient was bent on who could first tell him how many syllables were in the title of his new film (the answer was 13, sound it out…). Anyway, standing from the 3rd row from the front, Mr. Gilliam spotted my mildly-insane ass standing up from my chair waiving my hands in the air screaming “13!!!!’ as loud as I could, eventually motioning with my hands a distinguishable “one” then “three” in finger form until he appreciatively nodded his head yes and motioned for me to approach…

I excitedly made my way through the seats to the front of the stage and received my prize, trying to shout to him how I had my skills as an English major allowed me to so quickly count up the number of syllables in the title, but alas, he misunderstood or misheard me and made some mention about me “being English” to the crowd. Oh well, I had won my prize, and now I gaze upon it lovingly and happily.

Sunday was a memorable day as well. The Felicia Day/Dollhouse panel was compelling, and the associated “experts” on the show related some interesting and thoughtful commentary and theory about the show, and only further enhanced my desire for the premiere to approach even more quickly. Sunday evening was spent largely in the basement of the Hilton, gaming in many different aspects and arenas. I was given my first introduction to “Are You a Werewolf?” and I’d be amiss to tell you the experience left me dazed and scarred in the most profound ways. Over the weekend I was deeply exposed to the intense and marvelous experience that is “Dominion” and I have to say I’m completely hooked on the game.

Other highlights included an educational panel for ‘newbs’ like myself on “World of Warcraft” and the always entertaining “Lost” panel, which featured some exclusively interesting theories that included a second… YES, I said SECOND, smoke monster?!?! I missed the parade again, I didn’t see many musical performances. Those were important goals that were skimmed over, in the name of being in line early for important panels. So sacrifices had to be made. The good news is I think I have that out of my system now; next year, I don’t believe I’ll be so completely focused on panels that feature major celebrities/actors like I have been in past years. For example, Trek Trak can really only seduce me with Armin Shimerman and/or Rene Auberjonois from here on out. I mean really, how do you top William Shatner after this?!?! I've seen everyone from "Next Generation" pretty much now, after having seen Mr. Stewart. Admittedly though, my deep affection for "Star Trek" may draw me back to those huge panels if they bring in someone big and important next year, no matter what I say now.

Next year, I’m going to spend much more of my time on gaming and smaller panels that concentrate on giving out actual information and discussion instead major hero-worship. The major plus to this will be far less time spent waiting in lines. I think I’ll also avoid the dealers/exhibitors halls next year as much as possible; I don’t need to worry myself with buying pointless trinkets and junk, right?

Well on another completely different angle, school starts back next week which means the switch back to responsibility and work will have to be immediate. I’m going to have a lot on my plate between school, job searching, thesis-writing, and just general living. This break has gone by way too fast, but that’s mostly my fault. I’ve let it slip away from me; I could have been semi-productive, but I haven’t been, unfortunately. I can change that next week, once class becomes that kick-start that punches be back into responsibility mode. Even more helpful will be the change in weather; I need a nice cold day. I need that damned hoodie-wearing-weather.

Chill Out... Seriously.

2009-08-31T13:51:00.003-05:00

Current Tunes: Opeth – Heir Apparent

Well, haven’t I been a bad, bad boy? Gone too long without a post/update of any kind. But finals week is tumultuous. And dangerous. And stressful. But whatever, it’s done.

I probably wouldn’t have even posted today, but circumstances beyond my control have forced my hand. Today’s events have sent the Internet, indeed it appears the entire world, into a massive paranoid frenzy. So as a staunch supporter of reasoned, rational thinking and calm collectedness, I am here to put all your fears to bed. Everything will be all right, no one will be harmed, no one’s life is in as much danger as it might seem.

It’s O.K. that Disney’s buying Marvel.

So stop freaking out about it. It wasn’t but three or four years ago, Disney Company bought the Jim Henson franchise, and even I freaked out moderately about that. I remember all of us speculating that they would rape and pillage the canon of beloved classics like “Sesame Street” and “Fraggle Rock,” but no such travesty occurred. They’re making money off the Jim Henson name, sure, that’s what corporations do. Let’s not act like it’s some abomination against the gods of Imaginationland.

This makes lots of sense for Marvel, it looks like to me. And fans of the so-far-successful series of Marvel Comics turned into films should be especially happy about this. Disney will provide a great deal of financial backing to future projects, and Disney can market a film with the best of them. A $4 billion price tag should excite fans to know that that’s what Marvel is worth. Maybe would have been more in a better economy? I'm not an expert, but that seems more than plausible to me.

It’s important to put that in context. Go back in time nearly 50 years ago, walk into a local comic store selling its first copies of “Fantastic Four #1” and tell the owner, and whatever young and impressionable patrons are there, that a few decades from now Marvel will be bought by the Walt Disney Company. They’d throw you out of the store, straight into the back of the next ambulance making a stop at the crazy-house. This is a monumental day for comic books, to see that that’s how far the medium has come. From a low-brow, adolescent indulgence to a pinnacle, top-tier American entertainment franchise.

If you really want to make a fuss about something, you should actually be angry about what Disney already controls a stake in… Establishments like ESPN, ABC, Miramax, Touchstone, Dreamworks (YES, THAT’S RIGHT, DISNEY OWNS STAKE IN DREAMWORKS!), Hyperion Books, Hulu, plus several video game developers. This is just a piece of the list and doesn’t include the ridiculous amounts of revenue generated from their direct brands and their bloody theme parks. Their ownership in cable extends far past their silly family-oriented pop-nonsense like Disney Channel and the ABC Family Channel. They own Lifetime, A&E, The History Channel, & The Biography Channel as well as a host of local broadcasting stations across the country.

Disney is a media empire of frightening reach and scope, mostly because of how far they reach into the minds and lives of American children. That’s what you should be the most angry about really, if you’re going to pitch a fit about something.

Don’t get me wrong though, I’m still not here to rag on Disney. I, for one, am excited that Disney made a smart move and picked up Marvel. I know Marvel’s shareholders are all happy people too, and good for them. Shareholders sure often get labeled as greedy people, and maybe plenty of them are. Also, I don’t happen to know any of Marvel’s shareholders personally, but I have to salute them for investing their money in a property that the whole country hasn’t always viewed as a vibrant, meaningful aspect of American pop culture. Guess who’s left laughing now? This isn’t a step backwards for comic books, and it certainly isn’t their death; this is a validation.

Death to Stress

2009-08-19T15:12:00.001-05:00

Current Tunes: Pantera – 25 Years

Just a little more than two weeks until DragonCon, and it’s all I can think about in my private little crazy mind. I’m ready to dive in head first, immerse myself in the biggest weekend of escapism imaginable.

That point hit me pretty hard that DragonCon is exactly that: a weekend of complete removal from concrete reality. Walking around three different hotels over the course of a weekend being surrounded by people dressed up as superheroes and “Star Wars” stormtroopers is not even remotely close to reality. Over the weekend, too, my physiological needs transform quite dramatically. I go from needing minimum three meals a day to eating maybe one sandwich for a whole day. Seven hours of sleep? Psshhhh… four hours is twice as much as I need to function!

My memory-creation brain cells go into overdrive as well. My mind switches to some kind of ultra-photographic-memory-mode where my eyes are like lenses, soaking in light second for second and retaining the images in some massive storage unit somewhere in my skull. My ability to retain and process information somehow increases as well, between all the fascinating panels featuring stars of stage and screen, to the insightful writers panels, to the eye-catching trinkets offered by the merchants from all over the nation. Yes, it’s nothing like true reality at all. Thinking about it so intently, it reminds me of Baudrillard’s “hyper-reality.” That concept perfectly explains DragonCon: a simulation of incredible scope and influence.

The past few days, what lone thoughts I have that don’t center around DragonCon have been related to a close-knit group of topics: stress, efficiency, wellness, self-management. Like always, really. But the conclusions have been stunningly different of late. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve let myself fall into a circle of behavior that makes things far more difficult than they should be. The two major components are procrastination and stress. Stop me if this sounds familiar…

Basically I get overly stressed out about a particular task that has to be done. The stress grows so great, I put it off until later. Then, the process of procrastinating only allows for more time to stress about the obstacle, which then leads to more and more procrastinating. I’ve managed to wrest myself from this cycle, for the moment, and I did it by starting with stress. I calmed myself down, calculated a path to completion, and let it go at that. So far, it’s working.

There’s been a tangible, physical component to the cycle too that must be combated as well, and I don’t think I fully grasped its power until this morning. My far-too-high stress level I believe has been affecting my sleep, as it often does for all sorts of people. For instance, before I fell asleep I remember my last thoughts being stressing about a particular school assignment, and I believe the stress carried over into my sleep. I woke up multiple times (at least four that I recall) over the course of the night, which resulted in me not being fully rested for this morning. After only a few moments awake, I was sure that the stress was the major culprit.

In the past I would have chalked it up to an uncomfortable mattress or the temperature being too high in my room or laying down the wrong way on my pillow, something of that sort. I’ve had more than frequent difficulty sleeping over the past several months, and I think I have to credit stress as the reason why.

So, new goal: sleep comfortably and calmly, free of stressful thoughts. Which will hopefully lead to a smoother, more comfortable, more progressive day-to-day existence. Cheers to that, am I right? I love simple solutions for complicated problems.

A Rant Unworthy of a Title

2009-08-16T20:24:00.003-05:00

Current Tunes: “Goodfellas” on AMC

Well, after the past four or five days (maybe more, I don’t pay attention) of both sides of the political spectrum bantering back and forth I decided today I had enough and needed to clear something up.

Let’s talk about Nazis.

I am sick and dog-tired of people on either side of the political aisle yelling and screaming and pointing fingers at their opponents while they scream the other ‘n’ word at the top of their lungs in angry accusation. This nonsense has got to stop. To be fair, it's not everyone on either side, it's really the extremists yelling at other extremists, people who should be marginalized or just flat out ignored. But I was too annoyed by this to just let this go.

Since all this name-calling’s been going on, let me present you with an image-based definition of a nazi-affiliated individual: This is a Nazi. This guy is also a Nazi.

Now, for the sake of comparison, let’s run down a list of people who are NOT nazi and or Hitler-affiliated:

- Former President George W. Bush
- Current President Barack Obama
- Rush Limbaugh
- Barney Frank
- Karl Rove
- Bill O’Reilly
- Rahm Emmanuel

Also, for the sake of even deeper and further clarification (and to give you an especially deep perspective), not even Cobra Commander is a nazi.

There’s a whole host of reasons why this nazi-name-calling on both sides is bad for the country, but let me cover some of my favorites. It’s just flat-out immature and childish and plain ignorant for one thing. Like I said, it’s an equivalent to name-calling. And when you do that, when you resort to that level, you’re actually degrading and undermining the context of that word. The more people you attempt to label a nazi, the less meaningful it becomes. I’m not saying the meaning has to be a positive meaning; I’m saying its negative connotation decreases each time you use it so carelessly.

For another, labeling someone with such a horrendous term in such a careless fashion only aids the cause of real, legitimate racists and supremacists. For one, it helps blur then line between level-minded citizens and extremists and radicals. Even more, it’s labeling, and that’s what racists do; they want people labeled, categorized and compartmentalized.

This nonsense needs to stop. The right says the left is nazi because it supposedly wants socialism, and the left calls the right nazi for supposedly being warmongers and racists. Neither side is correct, plain and simple. The only thing that’s a nazi is a nazi, pure and simple as that.

Why am I so frustrated about this though? It’s just another chink in the long, heavy, rusted and useless chain of American partisan politics. Point the finger and call the other guy the worst thing you can think of. People will keep on doing it, so thoroughly convinced of their stance in the right, when they so completely fail to realize that ignorance far too often leads to the strongest of convictions.

History

2009-08-13T13:27:00.000-05:00

Current Tunes: Bruce Springsteen – Born to Run

Les Paul died today at 92 and I feel horrible as a result.

Not put a few years ago when Ray Charles died, then Johnny Cash not long after him, it was terribly depressing to me to think that all those first major figures of Rock & Roll were passing on. It occurred to me at the time that a very small few were left, and now we have one less. And today we arguably lost the most important person from those beginnings. I’ve been of the mindset for several years now that Rock & Roll is the most important cultural phenomenon of modern times. By that I mean the most important development in culture in any country, in any society, in any culture.

Paul gave us the electric guitar, an invention I’m convinced people take for granted as much as they take for granted the personal computer or the radio or the telephone. In this modern age where millions on millions of people carry around iPods or memory cards on their smart phones stuffed with mp3s of all their favorite songs, I doubt anyone realizes (like I do) that without the electric guitar digital music might not even exist now.

Definitely I can say that American popular music would look completely different without it. Everything uses it, is influenced by it. Pop & Top 40s, Arena Rock and Alternative, Blues and Jazz, Country and Bluegrass, Metal and Punk, even R&B owes some small debts to Les Paul for his invention.

So passes another giant of American music, leaving really only half a handful left to represent the legacy in the flesh. Jerry Lee Lewis won’t be with us much longer, I don’t think. Though God bless him for still playing music, still hanging on like he has. Little Richard’s with us still, still as vital and respected as ever. Fats Domino is still alive too; if Katrina couldn’t kill New Orleans, then perhaps Fats still has plenty of years left in him. Of course there’s B.B. King too, who I don’t know how we’ll all get along without him, whenever he chooses to go.

Paul came to do what he was meant to do though. Our world is brighter, better for his being in it. I’m sure you could never count the number of people whose lives have been saved by Rock & Roll, so how do you measure the meaning and the value in Les Paul’s life and his contribution? You can’t, of course. But I won’t forget his contribution and I also won’t forget what it means to me.

In Revelations

2009-08-11T12:19:00.001-05:00

Current Tunes: Decapitated – Day 69

Who doesn’t admire Aldous Huxley? The guy was a certified genius, an epic mind and a thoughtful writer. I can think of few men in history who are well-known to have done significant amounts of illegal drugs yet is so overwhelmingly revered. Anyway, a quote from the “Brave New World” author:

“At least two-thirds of our miseries spring from human stupidity, human malice, and those great motivators and justifiers of malice and stupidity, idealism, dogmatism, and proselytizing zeal on behalf of religious or political ideals.”

Believe it or not, for once I’m not presenting this to quote to you not under the guise of wailing on religion or politics. Nay, its really the beginning part that fascinates me so; the idea that simple stupidity can cause suffering and pain. A tremendous amount of it, it would seem.

For the past ten months I would say, I have been overwhelmingly stressed, frustrated, tense, nervous, an all out bundle of nerves and anxiety over my thesis. All that frustration and pain, it came from stupidity. See, I was so stressed over it because I was quite unaware of what was expected of me in my thesis. I had no idea what standards were in place, what length was expected, how I would present the final product, nothing like that.

All these months I’ve gone without knowing, and was deathly afraid to ask any of my professors for fear of looking stupid or immature or unprepared. Turns out, all those words actually describe me but not for wanting to ask about such things. Five minutes spent online digging through Web sites and I stumble upon a document which answers every question I had about my thesis.

So now all my fears have been put to rest. I was literally so afraid of the thesis process, I was contemplating putting of the thesis process another quarter. Putting off graduating, putting off moving on with my adult life, all because I was frightened of this project. And from where did my fear, my stress, my anxiety come? Pure, unchecked ignorance and unbridled stupidity.

If I had just taken a little initiative to look up this information months ago instead of stressing and aggravating myself over it, maybe the past ten months would have been a little calmer, a little easier, a little less depressing. I brought it all on myself though.

As negative as this post is so far, there is good news. I’m going to graduate; I’m going to get my M.F.A. It’s going to happen; I’m confident I can make it happen. All that it takes now is the patience and the will. The life I wanted is just around the corner, it’s there waiting for me, waiting for me to take the final steps. Which I will. I will.

Measured, Tempered, Flattered

2009-08-06T09:19:00.002-05:00

Current Tunes: Pantera – Slaughtered

Raise your hand if you’re looking forward to the next season of “Dollhouse!” ::raises both hands::

Found quick, but worthwhile clip, from Wired that confirms a trip to the dreaded, most-feared ‘Attic’ in the next season. I’m genuinely, no-joke, afraid of what’s going on in that part of the Dollhouse; I’m not ashamed to admit I’m prepared to close my eyes and peek between my fingers when those parts come up.

By the way, if you’re not watching that show, you should be. Wonderfully smart television program. And let’s be real; “smart” television is a rare creature.

Busy, busy weekend coming up. More magic tournaments, parties, homework assignments. The grind just keeps grinding. I’m adjusted to it however. I can accomplish anything! I’m especially pumped up because my time at the Box Office internship is coming close to bearing some good fruit. I’m working on a very interesting, very potential-filled feature on a couple of upcoming adaptations of children’s books to the screen, as well as a few smaller things, DVD reviews and what not. All of these will involve a good amount of work but will benefit me as fantastic clips for my portfolio, I’m hoping.

I’d been planning on graduating in November/December but I might be delaying plans by a semester, depending on how my talk with one of my professors goes next week. There are plenty of reasons to postpone it, none of which really have anything to do with procrastination. Mainly, I feel like it would give me a better cushion on my transition from school into a job. It would also give me the opportunity to perhaps just take classes in the winter, then work solely on my thesis in Winter, which is usually my season of writing anyway. I can get good writing done in Fall, when it first gets cold but as it gets colder I feel like I churn out even better material. That’s good news for those of you who enjoy this blog so much already; as the temperature drops, hopefully the quality of Quantifiable Darkness will increase!

Not that what I've done so far isn't already of a very high quality... Right guys? Right?!?

Dragon*Con Approaches

2009-08-03T14:38:00.001-05:00

Current Tunes: Behemoth – Of Fire and the Void (KILLER RIFF!)

It’s kind of like a new apartment now. Appearance-wise anyway. Entirely new carpet in the commons area, they ripped it up and replaced it in a matter of maybe three hours. It’s not as soft as the old carpet, but it’s not something to complain about, is it? Most everything has been cleaned up, put away, shined and glossed over.

New roommate as well; that’s one sure-fire way to mix things up and ring in a new day. I don’t know much about him so far, but he doesn’t seem like a serial killer. That’s kind of disappointing; never a dull moment with those serial killers… and their crazy antics….

My favorite bit of news for the day was that Mastodon and Dethklok are going to tour together starting this October. If I were smart, I’d get my ticket right now. I bet you anything that it’ll sell out. A quick prediction on that as well: at the Atlanta show, which I’ll obviously attend, I would imagine not only will some footage of the show end up as a bump on Adult Swim, but certainly a few “special guests” will stop by, maybe some of the guys from Aqua Teen Hunger Force or something along those lines.

Getting super drunk was far too much fun the other night. I see a similar event happening in my near future. Hope something can come together Friday or Saturday night. Hint-hint for you Atlanta people.

Wow, Dragon*Con is only one month away. It’s poised to be the best one I’ve attended yet. Last year was especially wonderful, lots of great sights and panels. They haven’t released a schedule yet, but for the fun of it I’m going to run down some of my more anticipated activities for the Con of Dragons this year:

- Meeting and getting the autograph of, Terry Gilliam, my favorite film director.
- Meeting Patrick Stewart and Leonard Nimoy; going to all the main “Star Trek” panels for the great honor and even greater stories.
- Enjoying a “Firefly” panel as a first time fan of the series
- Enjoying any possible “Dollhouse” panels as well, presuming those Whedontrack people get on it. I certainly hope they do.
- The always enjoyable “Lost” panel that’ll crop up on the X track. I’m sure this year will be especially meaningful, given that the final season approaches. So much to discuss this year; there could be a war between opposing factions. I’m siding with Locke, of course.
- Contemplating pre-registering for a D&D event, likely a 4th edition game. This will require one important component however: a character. Not a piece of paper with ability scores and equipment on it; an actual, three-dimensional character.
- I’m going to make an effort as well to sit in on at least one comics panel, preferably one about “Batman” or “Watchmen.” The “Watchmen” panel I saw last year, wow. I had almost forgotten about it. Besides the panels with Avery Brooks & Michael Dorn from “Star Trek: DS9,” that was the best panel I saw last year.
- The parade. Three times I have gone to Dragon*Con and I have yet to actually watch the parade. I will rectify this. Maybe I won’t watch the whole thing, but I’ll at least see some of it.
- Watch a full set of a musical act of the medieval/folk genre. Absolutely NOTHING though with the word ‘gothic’ in the descriptor, however.
- Try to spend as much time as possible viewing films that’re part of the film festival. A smart person would try to parlay this into some sort of writing/publishing opportunity.
- Attend at least one panel on zombie survival/literature.
- Wear a costume. Maybe. This all depends. No promises.

And now, for part two. Things I’ve done before that I will avoid this year:

- ANY Cruxshadows concerts. Good lord, that garbage… Just, never mind.
- Wasting hours playing way too much hackysack in the lobby.
- Carrying my laptop with me. Maybe a backpack with a pen and some paper in it, but no laptop this time. Hardly got used, not worth risks involved.
- Go into the showrooms/dealers hall more than twice over the course of the whole weekend.

I’m hoping for another fantastic year, but I’m certain I won’t have to hope very hard.

Howlin' On the Radio

2009-08-01T20:42:00.002-05:00

Current Tunes; The annoying, unceasing blare of DJ-ing outside at the pool; did you ever consider maybe some of us want some peace and quiet around here? Hmmm? Trying to drown it out with: Counting Crows - Walkaways

I’m going to drink all the Jack Daniels in this glass, period. Homework be damned. It’s too noisy outside anyway to accomplish anything, I might as well get wasted. By myself, because that’s what I am now. Everyone’s moved out of the apartments now, and I’m just left here, caught in the vortex that is every bad decision I’ve made in the past year. Short, lazy months have turned into another year gone by. I’m not sad everyone’s gone, indeed I’m relieved in a way. To be sad at this juncture would be healthy though. No, I’m just pissed because there are no distractions anymore, and I’m left here to face the harsh reality that then next three months are the difference makers. The playoffs are coming and we haven’t been practicing at all. So screw it, time to get numb. We can start on the 2nd. The 2nd of August.

Plenty of artists made their best works completely blitzed on some drug of one kind or another. I think it’s time to start employing that strategy. Alcohol has always been the drug of choice for tortured writers, just ask Hemingway, or James Frey (HA!).

I have a strange memory that will always stick in my head about writing. I remember one of my creative writing professors, Dr. Brown, talking about his personal writing process, and how he’d just sit in the room and do it, with the only environmental requirements being jazz and a bottle of whiskey. Not quite in the mood for jazz, but the whiskey is definitely here. He’d say he wouldn’t stop writing until like, half the bottle was gone, at least that’s what I think he said.

I miss Dr. Brown. He always told it to me like it was, never babied me around. I feel like I’ve let him down. He always knew I was crazy, and I think he liked that about me. It’s the weirdest thing; sitting in his office, I felt like an artist there, at least a growing, developing one. Then I went to SCAD; now instead I feel like a product. Dr. Brown knew I wasn’t a product then, he gave me hope. God, he gave me hope. There are a lot of emotions, thoughts I haven’t had or felt in the past couple of years, hope I think is the one I miss the most.

No, I don' t exactly know exactly why I feel like let him down.

I guess I’m really so emotional right now because this is it. This is a place to be marked, for significance. This is your last chance...

An album I’ve never stopped loving is "August and Everything After,” what I’m listening to now, and I always thought that was the best title for anything, ever. I love that title because it makes a distinction between the simple “from this moment onward” and the reality of the situation; the reality of life. You don’t really just opt to one day never wear red t-shirts anymore, or give up chocolate, or whatever. The first phase is the big part, that first month; the part where you declare your dominance over the inconceivable weight that holds you back and you can’t goddamn take it anymore and nothing, not even that, is going to fucking stop you. So that’s why it’s “August and Everything After,” that first part is the start of something different; it’s the start of something new.

On a side note, I think I discovered a more concrete explanation/interpretation of that album's title. Apparently Adam Duritz, the lead singer of Counting Crows, was born on August 1st (today). I never knew that, and I've been following/loving/celebrating this band for years. Happy birthday, Adam. You're an inspiration to me.

It’s funny how much different you behave when you know no one’s around. This is the only night I’ll have like that for a long time, I’m sure. The best part about this is being able to sing out song after song without worrying if anyone will hear me. Some people dance in their underwear in their homes when no one’s there, and the night is still young I suppose. Anything can happen, I guess. It's not really the assurance that I'm avoiding embarrassment; it's because in those single moments, you are what I want to be always, at every moment: free.

Oh god, it makes me want to cry forever when I think about how terribly badly I want something new. I'd give anything for that. I'd give anything for a chance to do it right this time.

I miss going for walks in my neighborhood in the night. I would do it all the time. I would just walk in the dark, up and down streets, looking at the trees. There’s nothing that stops me from doing that here in Atlanta, I suppose.

Except that I’m too scared to just do it. Maybe not forever though; maybe one day the courage will come. The best thing about those walks wasn’t the exercise or the uniqueness of it, or even the night. The night is always my favorite thing. No, those times the great comfort was the silence of only my person, my thoughts, and the music I listened to when I walked. These days, the one activity I engage in most often day to day is running away from reality. But those nights, blanketed by stars and smiled down on by gods and fates, in the dark nights of the town I'd been condemned to, I could just turn around without any measurable pressure, and just walk away.

Gravity Is There

2009-07-29T21:09:00.002-05:00

Current Tunes: Opeth - In the Mist She Was Standing

These are the challenging posts, when film and music isn’t the foremost subject on my mind. Perhaps if I wanted a more exciting experience to share with you, my audience, I should have gone and actually done something today. Hindsight is 20/20 though, so no point looking back in regret. Tomorrow’s a new chance to do it right.

It’s always been a complete mystery to me how drama seems to spontaneously spring from wherever human beings happen to be. My life, I feel, has been decidedly absent of drama. When I say drama, I mean the stuff that soap operas and Oscar-winning movies are made out of. Or, at least the material that rests in the slower moments of a story, in between the explosions and the love-making and the heartless murders. There’s precious few of those moments I can recall.

This is a common perception for budding writers like myself; when I communicate this perception of my life, most often people say “everyone thinks that” or “your life is special,” some cliché like that. And that’s fine, I can understand why people say things like that, it’s human nature to console, but I have to say I have a much more concrete understanding of my history than anyone else. Because I’ve lived it and not anyone else. So you don’t know. The fact is, it doesn’t bother me as a general rule, that my life might be significantly short on meaning. And by that I mean hardships overcome.

I look around at other people and I see plenty of things that go on in their lives that are difficult, soul-crushing by no small consensus. I brush these moments off though; I see how individuals and their closest loved-ones react when moments of tragedy and drama strike and I almost always think in my head how they’re overreacting. But how can I know? I can’t. So, I’m being insensitive and judgmental, at least by common standards. I don’t have much use for those, to be honest. All these pretty words to just boil it down and say it simply: I can’t empathize with anyone because I have no idea what tragedy does to me. I’ve never met the guy.

It’s like dealing with disease, in a way. Spend your whole youth never being exposed to one kind of virus or another. Never knowing its touch until that one day, you catch it. Your body’s 40 years old by then, set in its biology with no idea how to create antibodies to fight this thing (say, call it smallpox). A simple, curable thing ends up killing you because you were completely unprepared and unaware of its potential. When all you had to do was summon a little courage, suck it up, and put yourself in harm’s way.

San Diego: From the German, Referring to the Vagina of a Whale

2009-07-27T15:40:00.003-05:00

Current Tunes: The Dillinger Escape Plan – Dead as History

As promised, a San Diego Comic Con (SDCC) extravaganza!!!

But! To get started, I actually want to give a quick bump to the NBC show “Kings,” which actually had no promotion that I know of at SDCC. The finale was fantastic, sheer joy. This show is very peculiar to me because they do a few things wrong and it feels sometimes like it lacks that 'magic touch' that makes a TV show really stand out. However, that is really, truly outweighed by how incredibly brave this show is. I could go on more, but I think I’ll save it for a “Kings-only” post later on.

Personal favorite thing that came out of SDCC: “Tron: Legacy” trailer. This actually came out last year, but it wasn’t technically a trailer then, it was nothing but ‘test footage,’ barely official work done for a movie that hadn’t even been confirmed by Disney. Several casting announcements later, plus a release date and script, means this project is finally happening, close to 30 years after the original “Tron” completely reformatted (couldn’t help myself) American filmmaking.

Most of you know I have an incredible talent for exaggeration and general outlandish claims and statements, but understand I mean this from the bottom of my heart when I say this: A “Tron” sequel is my Holy Grail of filmmaking. I’ve wanted nothing more, all these years. I still vividly remember the impact that film had on me as a child; the world-building was simple and direct, yet obviously allowed for a near infinite amount of elaboration and development. And the advent of the Internet has only increased “Tron’s” significance and scope. For it to finally happen stirs a feeling inside me that goes beyond fandom or nostalgia; the best word for it might be what people usually refer to as hope. What’s so much more encouraging is not only did they manage to preserve the design and mood of the original, they’ve improved upon it dramatically, all while churning out an incredibly gorgeous product that puts most other effects-heavy films of recent years to shame. Flynn, indeed, lives.

The “Lost” panel looks like it was an incredible amount of fun. The clip (starts at about 5:50) of Michael Emerson reading a passage from "Heroes" (I’m guessing that’s what it was?) was pretty amusing. Apparently the big message that Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse wanted to get across was something about "bookending" the show and returning to the attitude of Season One. While stylistically and thematically I can understand that move, for me I’m a bit concerned. While Season One definitely had an incredible amount of memorable, classic, vital moments and stories, let’s not kid ourselves… Proceeding seasons were better. Maybe not all of them, but I still think Season Two is just about the pinnacle of television history; perhaps I’m biased. Whatever’s going to go on though, this fact I know: I challenge you to present me a final season of any show in history that had as much pressure on it as “Lost” Season Six has. Here’s hoping the end of this amazing show isn’t crushed under the weight of it.

I hadn’t heard of “Legion” before the con, but this might have sleeper hit written all over it, depending. This is basically all I know about it: Angels in heaven decide humanity needs a reboot, a la the flood of Noah, and take matters into their own hands, along with a couple of semi-automatic guns. This concept… I’m just speechless about it. It’ll either be a better, more intelligent version of “Underworld” or it’ll completely bomb.

The first trailer for “Boondock Saints 2: All Saints Day” premiered and I eagerly await its arrival on the Web. If you’re not excited about this sequel, you’ve either never seen the first one, or you have no pulse. Or both.

Summer Glau is possibly coming to Season Two of “Dollhouse.” And probably not as a doll?!?! Wow, good call. However, on second thought, that’s just a ploy. After all, everyone knows that everyone on the show is a doll, except Ballard. Sucks to be him. On a disgustingly chauvinistic note, a Summer Glau & Dichen Lachman (Sierra) lesbian-tinged scene would be a life-highlight for me, I do believe.

Blah, blah, blah, “Ironman 2,” blah, blah, blah.

Best move for me during the SDCC weekend: avoiding any talk of James Cameron’s newest opus “Avatar.” The less I know about this project the better, considering most people are saying its going to change movie making, not unlike how “Tron” did. That’s a heavy legacy to live up to, but there’s only a handful of people on this planet capable of such a feat and make no mistake, Cameron is in that handful.

Most annoying tease statements made by a director: Robert Zemeckis, promoting his very intriguing-looking retelling of “A Christmas Carol,” didn’t do the smart thing and flat-out dismiss rumors about a sequel to “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?” Bob, my good friend, don’t give the people false hope. Twenty-plus years later, Warner Bros. & Disney haven’t been duking it out for the ticket sales of America’s children just to get bogged down in a rights-war over this project. Bugs Bunny and Mickey Mouse are going nowhere near each other, especially given the amount of money a project like this could rake in; no one will be willing to give way. And even if I’m wrong, don’t you DARE try and replace Bob Hoskins or the wrath of God himself will see to it you experience unpleasantness of biblical magnitude.

To end, I guess I’ll comment on Tim Burton’s “Alice in Wonderland,” which I’ve got to say doesn’t grab my interests at all. I’m not really sure why, but so far the images/trailers/teases only inspire apathy and brief, but obvious, creepiness. People are going to get excited about this, of course, but my lack-of-care for this project stems mostly from Burton’s past history where he works from previous material. Examples: “Planet of the Apes,” “Big Fish,” “Sweeney Todd,” “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.” What those all have in common is the big hype that preceded them, then the eventual national division in attitude towards them, which only lead to box office blahs. I predict the same for “Alice.” Burton's always been at his best with original material, i.e. "Beetlejuice" and "Edward Scissorhands."

Now that I’ve thought of it, how did it get to where one of the biggest days for filmmaking and television is a COMIC convention? What the hell? Only in America...

Politics As Unusual

2009-07-26T09:48:00.004-05:00

Current Tunes: Children of Bodom – She is Beautiful (Andrew W.K. cover)

I haven’t done a post in a while where I rundown/react to Friday’s “Real Time With Bill Maher” but this past one had a couple of special gems I wanted to point out. A really a good episode this past week, really solid and completely devoid of comments or suggestions I was diametrically opposed to, which does happen sometimes for me on that show.

The most positive thing to stem from this week was becoming familiar with two of the panelists Bill brought on the show, one of whom is “New Yorker” magazine columnist John Heilemann. Hopefully plenty of this guy’s material will be on the Webernets, but for now a quote from the show: “The Democrats run the House, the Democrats run the Senate, the Democrats hold the White House and yet they are having huge trouble passing a health care bill. The Republicans are a side-show here, compared to the failure of the Democratic party to get its shit together [my emphasis] and govern the country.”

I had touched on this very vaguely and briefly last post, but I want to thank my fellow writer Heilemann for putting the frustration into such succinctness. Let’s make a distinction here. Let us imagine instead the political structure was such that Democrats had no super majority in the Senate, and say only a 2 or 3-person majority in the House. In that scenario, it would as well be inexcusable for them to have such authority and leverage in government and completely fail to achieve any semblance of progress. The reality being that they indeed have an iron-grip control over the legislative and executive bodies should dictate that something at least get voted on. But no, the Donkey Party has screwed the pooch yet again and demonstrated their long-standing lack of ability to remove their invertebrate selves from the floor and stand up for something.

Perhaps I’m not giving credit where credit is due. Maybe the Republicans are just that savvy and that powerful. They’ve been shuffling the pieces from behind the curtain, undermining and thwarting the Donkeys at every turn. Those clever fellows!

Wait, this is the Republican party of 2009 we’re talking about, I forgot. The same nitwits who believe that running a country is sitting around sipping lemonade and watching baseball games while bankers and CEOs make the real decisions about the direction of the country.

Beyond dismantling the F-22 program, the cash-for-clunkers program (still not signed into law, as I understand it) and getting lucky enough to have avoided any terrorist attacks on native soil, this Congress and this President have failed to achieve anything of reasonable value in my eyes. It’s only the six-month-mark, so I can be lenient for now, but I’m not sure how much longer. Especially on the back of a President who made some very grand promises (well, what President doesn’t?).

The other panelist on the show that highly impressed me was Susan Eisenhower, the granddaughter of (you guessed it!) the great Dwight D. Eisenhower. Apparently she deferred from the Republican party about a year ago, which sounds mighty brave to me. Perhaps I don’t know what I’m talking about when I say that; I could be dead wrong to think that whole family is entrenched in Republican loyalty.

Anyway, with her appearance, Bill of course wanted to draw attention to her grandfather’s farewell speech warning about the peril of the industrial-military complex, but Mrs. Eisenhower, thankfully, brought to light an important point about that speech. She mentioned how ol’ Ike had also wanted to make mention of how that complex gets its lifeblood from Congress. You know, the people we elect to represent our cities and states in Washington. Our esteemed representatives who think that jobs created from building useless fighter jets (hint: the F-22) are a value to the country.

Ike apparently omitted mention of Congress’s role in this perpetual nightmare because he had always been in good standing with the Senators and House representatives who served while he had been Commander-in-Chief and didn’t want to leave on a bashing-fellow-politicians note. A noble-hearted decision, sure, but oh how I wish he hadn’t made that choice.

I can understand wanting to be civil; I know how American politics involves a high degree of niceties and smiles and handshakes with people in the name of appearances, but most times that's precisely what I had about our political climate. It's not about serving the people, doing what's best for it's citizens and speaking out against injustice no matter whose 'feelings get hurt.' Oh no, we have to play nice and not step on people's toes. Ike, you really shouldn't have worried about such frivolous details; I don't think there's any debate that history remembers you well and kindly, but I guess hindsight is 20/20, as they say.

Oh, and my only comments about the Gates / Obama / Police incident: If they all really do sit down and have a beer together, I really wanna know what brand of beer they're going to drink. UFC Heavyweight Champion Brock Lesnar recommends Coors Light...

Post coming tomorrow hopefully recapping San Diego Comic Con. Lots of stuff for me to talk about. 'Til then!

Is This Even Worth Giving a Title?

2009-07-24T18:12:00.001-05:00

Current Tunes: Down – Bury Me in Smoke

I’m so indescribably happy that August is here. That only means that fall & winter are both just right around the corner, and I can get back to feeling more at home in the climate. Get to pull the hoodie out of the closet and go back to that. Mmmmm, can’t wait.

Did anyone else’s mind immediately go to “The Matrix” when Obama compared the current health care system and his plan to a red and blue pill? I know “The Colbert Report” noticed and made a good gag about it, but I obviously thought of it first. Obviously. Didn’t make the deadline, again. Way to go Congress.

Had a revelation this week into myself and my education. When I was younger, most days where for whatever reason I wasn’t at school (summer, mostly I think) like several kids of my generation I sat around watching way too much television. Odd thing for me, at least I imagine it was odd, was I sat around watching lots of game shows. I’m talking probably four or five individual shows each day, usually accompanied by Mom or Dad yelling at me to go outside and play, or read or something (I did those things occasionally).

Well fast-forward to now and in the mornings/afternoons when I’m working on internship material, I’ll usually employ the television as a form of audio/visual distraction. Problem is, morning/afternoon programming on any non-ESPN channel pretty much sucks. And even then, ESPN only has one show during that time, Sportscenter, so after seeing that earlier in the morning it becomes kinda pointless. The most entertaining thing I can usually find to view on television ends up being game shows, and more often than not I surprise myself with most of the useless trivia I know. Wish there was a way to make your living off of trivia game shows, I think I could do it.

This wasn’t meant as a horn-tooting extravaganza where I talk up my incredible knowledge and intelligence, was really just a fun observation.

Looking For the Road

2009-07-20T22:55:00.002-05:00

Current Tunes: The Daily Show & The Colbert Report

It's been far too many days since I posted. I’m a slacker, I know. I’m a total pariah. Shun me.

I woke up today terribly positive.

That should strike you as weird. If it does not, you clearly haven't been paying attention. I woke up and didn’t feel anxious or stressed or depressed or anything. I felt like everything would be OK, somehow. I didn’t particularly capitalize on that mood. Today was a fairly non-constructive day. I suppose I was overwhelmed, intimidated, possibly even concerned about such a sudden shift in attitude. Caught off guard, paralyzed by the strangeness of it all.

What’s more, I don’t particularly feel bad that I didn’t achieve much today. I probably should, shouldn’t I? I procrastinate far too much, especially too much to let an opportunity like today pass by without being exploited. That generates an idea: every single day is an opportunity to do it right. There will be time enough for doing it the best, or the brightest, or the flashiest. For now, in my situation, on the cusp of creating real, genuine life for myself, I should focus on just simply doing what’s right.

Lately I’ve thought a lot about my surroundings, and how that influences me, I might even say takes hold of me. I look around my room, my apartment, and it’s all the same, all the time. It’s comfortable enough, but not comfortable enough for me to simply be. I feel crushed and imprisoned here. And I don’t understand why.

When I first moved into this apartment, I was so excited. I was thrilled to death with this place. I’ve respected and cared for this living space more than any other I’ve resided in since I moved out of my parents’. I actually clean my room, dishes, vacuum, do laundry on a very regular basis. But I don’t feel comfortable here. I don’t feel at home. I sleep well enough at night. This isn’t a place I feel myself though. For the love of me, I can’t figure out what it is. I have all sorts of idiotic ideas about how to attempt to fix the problem. Rearrange the furniture, take down most of my posters, get a new computer chair, collect all my useless trinkets and ship them off to Salvation Army, maybe even ask to be moved to a different room in my pod, even if it did mean an increase in rent.

I don’t feel like this is a place where I can get the peace of mind and clarity needed to write. So, as consequence, I’m not creating. The only thing that makes me feel alive like roller coasters and heavy metal do is writing, and I’m not doing that for any other reason than school right now. It didn’t use to be that way. I want to create; but it feels like there’s a wall between me and the place where creating happens and there’s no way around it for now. It’s tearing me apart.

I want to write a novel. Now.

I’m nevertheless skeptical about making changes, because this isn’t the first time I’ve had this problem. I had this exact same problem in the house with the guys, I had the problem in the apartment on Chisholm, I was starting to have the problem at the SCAD dorm until I moved here. If this is a perpetual problem, how do you fix something like that?

I don’t know what it is. I can’t sit still in one place. I can’t be settled. God, I feel like Kerouac now, a whinier version of him maybe. A road trip across America feels like an appropriate prescription for what ails me. What is wrong with me? This is some aspect of my staunch, stubborn spirit of individuality; I just know it. Do I need to move to another place? How do I fix this? I’m so clueless; I have no idea what to do about it. I just know it feels like it’s slowly killing me, cutting out my muscles one at a time and throwing them in the fire, never to return.

GARGANTUAN OMFGS!!!

2009-07-17T10:09:00.002-05:00

I JUST FOUND OUT THAT TERRY GILLIAM, DIRECTOR OF "BRAZIL," "12 MONKEYS" AND "FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS" WILL BE ATTENDING DRAGONCON THIS YEAR.

AS A RESULT OF THIS NEW INFORMATION, I WILL OFFICIALLY BE COMMUNICATING IN FULL MEGA-FULL-CAPS-LOCK-MODE UNTIL HIS ARRIVAL. THAT IS ALL.

/END COMMUNIQUE.

I Want My $10 Back, J.K Rowling.

2009-07-15T09:16:00.002-05:00

Current Tunes: High on Fire – Return to Nod

How frustrating is it when you keep making that same, mindless mistake time after time? You think to yourself ‘maybe it’ll be different this time’ but really you know better, you just keep persisting, because that’s what wishes and hope do to you.

That keeps happening to me with the “Harry Potter” film series. I got to hand it to the clever people who put together the trailer for this newest phase of the series, they really tricked me into thinking things had changed, but they hadn’t.

My biggest complaint against these films: six films so far and each one has had the exact same plot. Here, let me run down the formula for you:

Harry encounters some difficulty in the real (read: non-wizard) world that outlines the plot conflict and highlights his destiny/future. Train ride to Hogwarts. Throw in some nonsense about how awesome Ron & Hermoine are as friends. Swoony-eyes between them, then between Harry & some broad. Announce new dark arts teacher. Cower in fear at mention of Voldemort’s name. Pointless scene featuring magical toys or foods or something or other. Investigate mystery surrounding new professor. Pick up some super-magical artifact. Bad guys show up. Crazy drama. Crazy drama falls by the wayside in favor of pretty sunrise shots and not-funny jokes.

Seriously, I’ve paid for six movies and I’ve still only seen one. That’s not only a rip-off, its unethical. This is the one that’s made me the maddest not just because I’m sick of being duped, but this one held such promise and was instead a total failure.

If I’d been able to title the film, I would have called it “Harry Potter and the Saga of Watching Draco Malfoy Skulk Around for Six Months Not Saying a Damn Word.” Seriously, how many times do you think you can use the same scene over and over again before I’m going to get bored to tears? What exactly were they thinking having a character somehow being centrally involved in such a huge plot twist, yet only give that character one scene containing lines before the big finale? Completely underused; you can almost cut Malfoy out of the film altogether and it have the same plot.

“[Alan] Rickman is sublime” one critic said about this movie. Really?!?! Sublime’s an odd word to describe an actor who’s barely on screen and just sits around in the background, waiting for his chance to finally jump out from behind the curtains and just shout ‘AH HA!’ really loudly in the final moments of an already-dying film in a final, vain attempt to give the narrative excitement and drama.

Speaking of the dark, evil, gothy-blacky-moody camp in this movie, anyone want to explain to me why exactly it was so important for Draco to get that magical teleporting wardrobe (a la The Lion, The Witch, & The Wardrobe) in working order, just for the intruding bad guys to run around Hogwarts breaking a few windows and setting fire to a small, dilapidated shack? Snape did all the work, he's the one that took care of the job, and he was already bloody there.

Those spineless 'death-eating' morons should've seen the opportunity that was clearly laid in front of them and slaughtered all those pesky brats and their geriatric professors. Voldemort - 3,000; Potter - 0. Even if they had to leave Potter alive for their supposedly-brilliant-and-fearless-leader to deal with later, what's he going to do once he looks around and sees all his friends dead? He'll either crumple into a shriveled ball of sobs and depression, or he'd just give into the inevitable (and obviously smarter plan) and just join Voldemort as his right hand man. Now that is compelling story!

All this time devoted to the mega-project that is this series and you would think these kids would have learned how to act. Radcliff, Watson, and Grint each have only the minimal emotions in their repertoire, and each is becoming drowsingly dull. Harry’s one emotion seems to be look around in awe and bewilderment whilst confusing crap happens all about you (funny, that perfectly describes my expression as I watched this sack of trash). Ron’s mode of operation is pretty much determined by whether or not he’s ogling Hermoine or has to revert to side-kick mode and spew out the usual “Gee-whilikers Harry!” Hermoine doing the same, taking the occasional break to be the self-important overachiever when she’s not dreaming of flicking Ron’s pants-wand. It’s insane to me how one-dimensional and stereotypical the characters of this narrative really are. It’s even more astonishing that it’s taken this long for me to realize it.

Perhaps the greatest sin of all is not recognizing the simplest mistake that each of the previous five films had made and failing to at least attempt to correct it. They have yet to make one of these films understandable to a person who has not read the book. It may be impossible to truly succeed on this front at the level needed to label any of these films as actually 'good,' but at least humor me and make an effort. If I see that you're trying, I'll glance over plot inconsistencies and at-best-sloppy editing.

It’s become undoubtedly clear what the true purpose of the “Harry Potter” film franchise is: to steal away both the public’s hard-earned money and their already-dwindling imagination by selling them a heap of recycled, redundant hash with no substance or character.

I want to emphasize this particular point about the imagination of the world, children especially. I appreciate what the "Harry Potter" franchise has done for reading and education in the Western world. It's single-handedly stemmed the tide of seemingly-unstoppable illiteracy that seems to be creeping its way slowly into our culture and for that I'm grateful. But the films are doing a disservice to its audience by presenting them a lifeless, mediocre interpretation of what I have no doubt is a stunning, compelling story, even if it is a bit derivative. I feel it would be better for folks to let their own imaginations serve as the movie; it would certainly be more satisfying and enriching. This is just what Hollywood does, though. Steal away stories and take away the mystique and meaning and sanitize it for consumption. I guess that's who I should truly be pointing the finger at.

Nevertheless, I cannot let the cycle continue; I must avoid the final two films, no matter the temptation. The end result will only be discontent and displeasure. I only pray I can remind myself of past failures and withstand the bright, pretty, flashing lights that will attempt to lure me back into the theater to show me a trick I've already seen multiple times before.

Transformation

2009-07-09T08:21:00.001-05:00

Current Tunes: Isis - 20 Minutes / 40 Years

Ever wonder how other things get in the way? How does that happen? Sometimes you can’t help it, they’re forces outside of your influence. That’s horribly frustrating, isn’t it? What’s not as frustrating is when you get in the way of your own plans. You have a lapse in memory, you change your mind or you procrastinate, or someone comes along with new, not as productive, plans and you jump right out of your schedule and start walking that new road.

Maybe they’re right; maybe I am too worried about control. It’s all I’ve got though; it’s the only way to keep what little I have left standing. Where does a person keep that unique courage that’s necessary to let all the blocks tumble down, pick them up, and try and build a better castle this time? I’d say I’m a little hesitant because I’ve done that more that once before, at least I feel like I did, and having to do it again just makes me wonder, down in the deepest parts of me, if I’m using the right materials.

With so many perceived annoyances and problems, it’s terribly hard to pinpoint the primary source of my discontent and unhappiness. My best guess? I don’t know what I want. It weighs on everything else. I say I want a simple, no-nonsense or frills kind of life, but then I sit around and wonder why I have and do nothing. I say I want to change people and the ills of the world but I can’t even change myself. My mind makes up a list of things that need to be done every morning, but something wipes away the chalkboard and I’m left standing in the classroom waiting for a new set of directions that doesn’t come until the next day, and disappears again anyway. The cycle continues.

What does it take to break that threshold where you look back and say “OK, this can happen now?” It feels like it’s made of steel and all I have is rocks and stones.

Return Voyage

2009-07-06T13:03:00.005-05:00

Current Tunes: Audioslave – Out of Exile

Sorry for the long absence, but I have at last returned from the shores of Northern Florida and am again home in Atlanta. Lots of thoughts and ideas and things I want to talk about in this post, so it’ll likely be long. We’ll see if I can’t reserve some comments for another time, but here goes…

First quick thing was I want to give a quick thank you to J&M for reminding me a couple weeks ago (before my trip to FL) how great Audioslave could be. I’m kind of undergoing a renaissance with this band (see current tunes), and I’m enjoying every minute of it. I would also partially give credit to the new Street Sweeper Social Club, which has all come together to remind me how truly god-like Tom Morello is.

So, Florida! What a beautiful condo we stayed in. Had a fantastic view of both the bay and the ocean, due to the enormous balcony/porch that accompanied our fine resting quarters. I didn’t get sunburned in any truly meaningful or painful sense, so three cheers for that. Enjoyed lots of hot tub and pool time, only got in the ocean once. It was far, far too yucky for me at the shore. Give me deeper waters any day, where its cleaner and there’s far prettier wildlife around.

But most of my time in the sun was really spent in a beach chair, reading. I read two astonishing, affecting books in just one week, and I had a lot of thoughts I wanted to share.

I) Cormac McCarthy’s “The Road” – I hate to say it, but I think this book is terribly overrated. It won a Pulitzer Prize?! Really?!?! Terribly repetitive, slow-paced structure. No divisive, structured chapters drove me slightly bonkers. I would look up from the page for a second, say to look at the rolling waves or some chick in a bikini, then look back down at the page and have no idea where I was just at because all the sections looked the same. “We slept in the woods, we looked for food, we slept some more. Crazy people tried to kill us.” That’s the entire story of “The Road,” really. Well, of course not really, but you could break it down to just that.

That’s not to say I didn’t like the story, I loved it, I just thought it could have been told in a better way. Nevertheless, overrated. I don’t care what anyone says. “No Country for Old Men” was far, far better. The movie version looks even worse really; I was looking forward to the movie but I think it looks over-dramatized and its got Hollywood’s dirty finger prints all over it.

II) Richard Yates’s “Revolutionary Road” – Now this is a novel. Odd coincidence both of these books had road in the title; wasn’t planned I swear. I didn’t know anything about this book when I read it; definitely had no idea it was published in 1960. That’s quite crazy considering how insanely modern and 21st century it is.

Best part about the book was how it only had one ending, only one possible final outcome, but I still was on the edge of my seat and wholly believed and hoped that perhaps something different could or would happen. That’s the kind of power that book had over me, it blatantly told me how it would end (figuratively) but I still held out hope for something else.

This book didn't have characters, it had people. You know the difference; I don't have to explain.

I’ve been long convinced that the desire for marriage should be considered a mental disorder, and this book only further convinced me I’m right. If you think you’re in love, if you think marriage and monogamy is such a fantastic idea, I double dare you to read this book and come to me, stare me in the eye, and tell me that it still works. Best non-scifi book I’ve read in years.

So now I’m wanting to move onto something else, but I’m unsure what to read next. “Revolutionary Road” is still shaking me, and making me lean into staying with something more ‘literary,’ but I can’t deny my craving for a wholly engrossing piece of science fiction, maybe some more Arthur C. Clarke or someone I’ve got no familiarity with. That might be a better plan, something I can fall head-first into without over-thinking. Of course, the happy balance is to find something that’s both literary and science fiction, and I totally know what book that is: “Atlas Shrugged.”

Might post pictures from trip in a later post, stay tuned for that.

Portofino Breeze

2009-06-26T16:17:00.001-05:00

Current Tunes: Around the Horn on TV

I’m at the beach for a week and a half. We arrived without incident last night to our condo, which is very much like heaven, but with a refrigerator and three bedrooms. It’s insanely beautiful here. I can’t wait to go find a dirty, rundown dive to drink away my sorrows at in the next couple of days. Of course, just carrying down a bottle of rum to the beach and sitting in a chair drinking there, watching waves roll in is just as appealing.

I’m especially encouraged by our porch/balcony thing. There’s a comfy little desk outside with respectable chairs, and I intend on spending more than one day sitting at the desk, just relaxing and writing.

Most important goal while I’m here, however: Go the entire duration without receiving sunburn. ESPECIALLY on my shoulders or legs.

I’m undecided though as to whether or not I will post for the remainder of this week. The logic is to spend time writing things of a non-blog nature, and diverting creative power and time into the blog might be counterproductive. So, if this stays quiet for a while you’ll know why.

And I Want to Make a Career Being One of These People??

2009-06-24T09:51:00.002-05:00

Current Tunes: There’s no music for my current mood but The Acacia Strain

“Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” took a chance on something, and at least for my money I think it was the right call. They blew the doors of the place, without any regard for who might be on the other side of them. Bay delivered, I’ll give him that. After seeing this movie, I completely understand why he wants a break from the “Transformers” franchise. From the looks of it, he probably very nearly killed himself in the process of making this movie.

It was a flawed picture, I will make no claims that say otherwise. But what the picture did right far outweighs its mistakes, and I think critics can’t or won’t concede to that fact. Yes, it is a fact. For that matter, find me a truly flawless film and I’ll give you 50 bucks.

Plenty of reviews have made mention of the hollow, uninspired acting and they’re right, the acting from the human characters wasn’t exactly up to par. But that’s perfectly ok, because something I imagine most critics don’t get about “Transformers” is that the story was never, ever, ever about human beings and isn’t supposed to be. Hell, if anything having human characters with any sort of character development at all is actually a negative quality, when you look at it in this light. One critic, Nell Minow, actually made the claim that “when the robots give a better performance than the humans, we have a problem.” I think she’s thinking a little backwards. Not only do I prefer this paradigm for “Transformers,” I think I would remind Mrs. Minow that a future where computers can out-act human beings may not be far off at all, When that world finally comes to fruition, and it will, this film might possibly be considered revolutionary.

But never mind that, I can understand why critics would be dismayed by that idea. What absolutely boggles my mind is how so many critics are referring to “RotF” as “boring” or “dull.” Are you serious? I was on the edge of my seat the whole time. Hell, even knowing how long it was, I would have taken another half hour! This movie was pure, unashamed fun. What kind of bleak, humorless world do you live in where this movie is boring? Maybe most of you critics just need to grow a larger attention span. Not everyone wants to make movies about the mentally handicapped and World War II, for fuck’s sake. And perhaps more important economically, not everyone wants to see those kind of movies either. Crude humor abounded, no doubt, but a few bad apples don’t spoil the overall very funny script, anchored by the welcome return of Sam’s parents from the first film. I also don't accept the idea that the film had no plot. The film had enough of a plot to hold the action together, and that's absolutely all that was required. Even acknowledging the frivolity of the plot, it kept my attention rather well. I especially loved the early concept of the Autobots & Special Forces working together to hunt down Decepticons, kinda like "Ghostbusters" but with robots instead. I know, that is awesome!

But here’s the crown jewel for me… One of the most ridiculous insults that’s stemmed from the critics has been a slew of regressive, cliché statements about the film being nothing more than a mindless summer blockbuster popcorn-chewing explosion extravaganza. Which it was. Was it ever trying to be something else? NO!

But know what movie I’d also easily file under this inane description? “Star Trek.” I guarantee you, none of these half-wits could look me in the eye and give me a single good reason why “Star Trek” was a meaningful picture while “RotF” was filth and garbage, as most of them have referred to it as. What a ridiculous crock of nonsense. It’s a disgusting double-standard. What’s even more frustrating for me personally, I’m a huge fan of the “Star Trek” franchise, much more so than “Transformers.” But between the two, the film I was falling asleep during wasn’t “RotF,” it was the one that raped and pillaged a franchise that used to be all about showcasing and discussing important issues for the development and progress of mankind and instead boiled it down into a sanitized, cookie-cutter doppelganger interpretation of its former self.

“Transformers,” as much as I love it, didn’t have that kind of gravity behind it, I’m sorry. It was from the beginning nothing but a vehicle to rake in a little extra cash for Hasbro and help market an already popular, and dare I say, innovative, franchise. But that’s fine, Bay isn’t out to do some kind of high art. Film can be beauty, and it can be distraction. If “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” wasn’t a fun, adventure/action piece for you, well now I realize I’m not really mad at you critics, I just plain feel sorry for you that you’re so entrenched in your own sheep-like bleating mindset that you can’t appreciate a little home-grown American blow-em-up fest.

Filler Time

2009-06-23T11:38:00.002-05:00

Current Tunes: Narrows – Newly Restored

I got off to such a great start this June and I’ve let it go pretty easily. I can’t find the energy to go work out, not the positive energy anyway. I’ll end up working out, but it won’t be with the enthusiasm I had weeks ago. Instead what’s driving me to do it is more like a desire to punish myself for being so weak-willed and thoughtless. But I’ve got to keep trying.

Classes started yesterday, and as a consequence later this evening I will go in search of textbooks. That’s a real bloody annoying chore, but obtaining the books from libraries instead of actually purchasing them is incredibly cost-effective. That’s a free tip for those of you still out there in college-land.

Then even later, “Transformers: RotF” tonight! Been anticipating this for a while, and it will be oh so nice to see a real summer blockbuster.

I want a job. I want a job right now. I’m willing to accept the idea that perhaps I can work and do school at the same time. So where do I find one? Keep in mind, I’m looking for a job as a writer, not a salesman or grocery-bagger or what have you. I don’t think economies like the one we’re in now are particularly hungry for new writing jobs, but I knew what I was getting into when I chose this profession. I will take my licks.

How much alcohol should I purchase to take with me to Florida? I'm thoroughly in love with the idea of sitting on a porch overlooking the beach and drinking whiskey with my laptop in hand, writing poetry.

Period of Rest

2009-06-21T00:10:00.001-05:00

Current Tunes: Darkest Hour - Convalescence

So this will be one of my more ironic posts that I can imagine, but nonetheless I’ll be grateful for it. I’m posting from the LAN party at a friend’s house out in Lawrenceville, and I hadn’t particularly planned on posting but the opportunity and inspiration arrived and I was more than willing to open the door.

I just watched this interesting, if flawed, episode of ”Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.” The main plot revolved around one of the characters (Jake Sisko) being seduced/tempted by a mysterious woman who promised to help him stimulate his creative self and in turn allow him to generate brilliant writing material, all at the cost of his physical health (she was some sort of psionic succubus).

Anyway, the plot wasn’t the point, not precisely. It just dawned on me that I used to be inspired every day, even for the shortest moments that lead to writing something. That doesn’t seem to happen much these days. I can pinpoint several of the causes I think; stress, depression, discontentment, anxiety, restlessness. Unbelievable, otherworldly restlessness.

On another level, it has to do with the title, or concept of the episode, which was called “The Muse.” My usual pattern would be me saying something along these lines: “That’s what I need, a muse.” I won’t be that affirmative about it; but I do think it would be fascinating. I’d like to see what kind of writing I would churn out if I had this magnificent, strange woman to inspire my writing. I’d like to give it a shot, trouble is I don’t have any money or anything else of value to offer in exchange. It’s probably nothing but foolishness either way.

There are physical ways to overcome these things though. In the episode, there’s a quick exchange of dialogue where the succubus/muse woman creates a metaphor where she equates to writing ink on paper for a writer is exactly the same as a fine artist taking paint to canvas. That’s where the irony of this post I referred to earlier comes into play. I should be writing this on paper right now instead of typing it up, in spirit with this idea that I should get back to writing on paper again.

Those days when I wrote all the time, I was writing on paper then. I want to get back to that. Notebooks scribbled in and pages torn out here and there. I want a drawer full of them. They don’t even have to be meaningful writings. Just ink poured out on paper, released from its plastic case pen prison. This is a habit that I can fairly effortlessly adapt. The question will be if I have the memory and patience to make it persist.

What Can Be Done?

2009-06-19T09:01:00.001-05:00

Current Tunes: Immortal – At the Heart of Winter

Man, it’s like, pretty much five days until “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.” How crazy is that? I’m ready, I’m completely ready.

Finally something in politics that’s piqued my interest enough to make it into a blog post: Iran’s elections. The supreme leader of Iran, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, had this fantastic quote, referring to the election as a “political earthquake.” That might be accurate, but I think that’s a bit over exaggerating. I’ve got this gut feeling that this whole situation is being blown out of proportion. I know, mighty “Bushy” of me to go with my gut, but sometimes you can’t help it. I’m only so annoyed by this situation because when it’s all done and over with, Ahmadinejad will still be president, and people will calm down eventually and business will carry on as usual. Yeah I know people are getting shot and hurt right now, but this is all just posturing on both sides, eventually everyone there will chill out and they’ll fall back into the usual regiment.

Now if the election was rigged, then yes that’s a tragedy. It’s certainly a plausibility, after all this Ayatollah is pretty much bosom buddies with Ahmadinejad. But what can the U.S. do about it? Invade? Yeah, right. What can anyone else do about it? Absolutely squat. I’m not trying to be apathetic about it, I was genuinely hopeful that this reformer guy would perhaps take home all the marbles, but alas. Evil triumphs again. Such is the way of the world.

On another political (and extremely selfish note), I’m totally ready for government-run health care. Let me tell you why: because I have no health care right now. None. I’d like some. I don’t care if it’s health care at a diminished quality, or if it costs someone else a bit more taxes. I want to be healthy and right now I have no way to pay for it, so I’m more than willing to let someone else foot the bill for a while.

@LANta starts in a few hours, I’m very excited. I desperately need a weekend locked in a house with good friends, playing video games nonstop and drinking myself into oblivion. Cheers.

Movie Time

2009-06-16T10:49:00.002-05:00

Current Tunes: Bloc Party – Like Eating Glass

So with my time in Florence I saw not one, not two, but three total films at the theater. Up until this weekend, I had seen only two films all year, so I increased my count by 150%. I figured I’d use today’s post to run down the films I saw…

First up, “Angels & Demons.” Why it was better than a history class in college: more comfortable seats and no comprehensive final exam once it was over. More seriously, if even half the stuff that movie posits about the Catholic church is true, all I’ve got is: “Holy Crap.” The plot was pretty horrendous, in terms of believability and plausibility, but I don’t suppose that was really the point. Tom Hanks/Robert Langdon was pretty wooden and mindless, just like he was in “Da Vinci.” You can do better Tom, you really can. The concept of the movie was cool though, much more interesting that “Da Vinci’s” concept. I enjoyed myself, I was in suspense, but I felt kinda dirty and icky after it was all over.

Next, “The Hangover.” Todd Phillips is a credit to America. I absolutely love how there is no joke and no situation Phillips is afraid to tackle. There’s a scene where a baby is strapped to a guy’s chest, and another idiot opens the car door and slams it into the baby, who obviously starts crying. The baby’s fine, but more importantly this is just a movie, just fiction. More than one person in the theater I know felt awkward because of the scene; I couldn’t stop laughing. That’s how Todd Phillips operates, he pushes buttons. Zach Galafanakis. That’s the name they should be calling out for the Best Actor Oscar next year. So amazing; he sold every line down to the last word, the last syllable. This movie made me desperately want to sell everything I own and hitchhike to Vegas.

Third and finally… Yes, the rumors are true, I saw “Star Trek.” Or, as I will forever refer to it: “The Tale of Two Films.” The start is phenomenal. The opening scene was absolutely perfect, I had cold chills as the screen faded to black and the sun rose on the spinning “Star Trek” logo. The story set up, watching Kirk waste away his life was absolutely brilliant. I wish they would have just stuck with that; it wouldn’t make sense of course, but I couldn’t help but wonder how much different the world of “Star Trek” would be if Kirk didn’t get on that transport ship to the Academy. Seeing the world of the young and growing Academy was interesting too. I got pulled in really well, and I had started to believe that I had been wrong in judging this movie.

But then the plot truly revealed itself. Once I realized all the villain wanted was revenge and to watch shit blow up, I got really tired and depressed. Villains like that always end up getting defeated; not because the plot dictates it (well, ok, yes because of that) but also because they’re too brain-dead and sightless to pose any sort of challenge. To better illustrate my point, the guy is a Romulan miner for fuck’s sake. How intimidating is that? Not very. Khan was a literal machine of super intelligence and death-making. That’s why he could go the revenge route and make it work, because he wasn’t just some other schmuck (like Nero is). I was literally falling asleep through the second half of the film.

I could go on about this for a long while, I’ll try to stop eventually. Karl Urban was great. He had Bones’ mannerisms and accent down to a T. That’s a lot of praise from me, considering Bones has just about always been my least favorite original series character (for no good reason at all, I will concede). Whoever played Chekov, thumbs up to you as well. You will not go unsung.

Dear Simon Pegg, I’m so sorry that Abrams and the screenwriters screwed you as hard as they did. But remember, you get the last laugh because “Shaun of the Dead” will be remembered long after the other 4 or 5 films in this new reboot series have all but killed the “Star Trek” franchise.

Apparently Romulan mining ships are some of the most poorly designed ships ever. The bloomin’ thing looked like a reject for some “Mad Max” vehicle. It’s pretty insulting to think the Romulans can’t design a better ship.

/end rant

Steps Forward to the Dawn

2009-06-14T18:17:00.001-05:00

Current Tunes: TV and the birds chirping in the sunny backyard

Recent developments have been moderately… surprising. I came to Florence this weekend looking for a quick escape, and I suppose I’ve received that, but I’ve also gotten something else I didn’t even intend to find. I’ve had a great time just spending time with my parents. It’s been enjoyable to the point that I’m actually going to stay another day just to get a little more of that. I haven’t had a weekend with them this stress-less, this quiet, calm. So for now, for once, I consider myself grateful for my parents.

I wonder how I’ll make out through summer school. Going with online classes, there’s no formula and regularity of class sessions to keep me grounded. I’ll have to do it all under my own power. What’s more difficult is I have little to no interest in these classes I’m taking. But I can succeed. Scratch that, will succeed.

There’s plenty of other things to be concerned about as well, goals and objectives to achieve. I have to narrow it down though. I absolutely cannot do all these things at once. My willpower, though I’m learning to summon it from the invisibles nether regions, still has a finite reserve and to try too much will only end in more disappointment and discouragement. A big piece of the puzzle has got to be figuring out a couple of things, not the least of which is learning to believe in myself and be confident. But at the same time not straining myself beyond my capabilities and limits.

At least I have a few things to keep the stress level down. LAN party in less than a week, then after that a trip to the beach for about a week. Balancing hard work and perseverance with recreation and relaxation will be the lesson of the month.

Full Swing

2009-06-11T12:25:00.001-05:00

Current Tunes: Street Sweeper Social Club – Promenade

I’m very much digging this album (see above). I’m pretty excited about picking it up Tuesday. I dare say I’m excited enough about this band that I believe in them enough for them to replace Rage. I’ve been consistently replaying videos of them on YouTube from their stint on the NIN tour, and “Promenade” had really impressed me live, but the recording is nothing short of phenomenal.

I’m just killing time before I pack up in the car, run a few errands, then head on the road to Alabama. Read another way: I’m delaying doing some driving I don’t want to do. Yuck. Hopefully this will be a prosperous, fun weekend however. Just got to get there first, that’s the hard part.

I’m so bloody ready to get a real job. There’s so many monetary expenditures that I want to happen, but can’t because I’m on an extremely limited budget. I just might be getting ahead of myself. Maybe I should just calm down, take a deep breath, and just flat out be patient.

Man, a week and a half ago I was at peace in such a measurable degree, but yesterday and today it seems like the world’s spinning twice as fast and I can barely keep up. My head’s spinning over it. At least a couple of things are keeping me sane: music & blogging.

New Order

2009-06-09T13:36:00.000-05:00

Current Tunes: “House” on TV

Can’t figure out why I’ve lost negligible weight over the past week. I’ve eaten less than 2000 calories/day, worked out five days in the week, plus some extra exercise via basketball on Saturday. This is very frustrating. After finally summoning the willpower and dedication to finally loose weight and be healthier, seems there’s been little response from my body.

Past week or so I’ve pretty much only eaten meat for 1 meal/day. Today I’ll likely be completely vegetarian for all my meals. I’m gradually progressing towards being 100% vegetarian. That probably comes as a shock to some of you but no one’s more shocked than me. I think I’ll need to enlist the help of some already practicing veggie friends of mine, for advice and what not. If sacrificing meat (on top of soft drinks and candies) is what it takes to loose weight and be in better shape, I will make that sacrifice.

Right now that’s what I want most out of my life. I want to be in shape, healthy, attractive. I will do whatever it takes to achieve this, within reason anyway. To think, I used to be thinner, in better shape. When I look at pictures of myself from those days, I’m overcome with feelings of incredible anger and guilt. I want to be that person again.

Yeah, it’ll be a long road, and it will be hard and will take mountains of dedication, concentration, willpower. I cannot get discouraged. I must push myself each day, each week, and take what success comes and never dwell on my stumbles and failures, small or big. The key is to push on. If you know me, if you see me in person, feel free from time to time to encourage me, remind me that it’s a process and not a miracle.

In a New Court

2009-06-07T20:48:00.001-05:00

Current Tunes: Testament – Deadline

Weekend is over. Nice and relaxing.

In addition to my normal exercise time, me and two friends went down and ‘toured’ a local YMCA on Saturday, and by toured I mean they let us in for free to try out their basketball courts. I didn’t perform too hotly, but that’s to be expected having not shot a basketball in six months. At least I could run, and I didn’t slip and break/twist/sprain anything. It was great fun, wish we would go do that more often.

While we’re on the subject of basketball, an open letter to a pro basketball team:

Dear Orlando Magic,

Please win the NBA Finals this year.

I was mighty angry with you when you beat my Celtics in the 2nd round of the conference semis. But all will be forgiven if you step between Kobe Bryant and that golden trophy. Step up and put the ball on the damned basket please. Kthxbi.

Yours,
M

First Week of the Rest of My Summer Life

2009-06-05T13:30:00.002-05:00

Current Tunes: Book of Black Earth – Death of the Sun

This morning’s play list was mega-fulfilling:

Bolt Thrower (need to listen to this more)
Gorod
Intronaut
Kalmah
new Narrows (OMG)
new Anaal Nathrakh (even greater OMG!!)

While I’m doing my internship, since I’m working from home, I’m making it a new habit to listen to new stuff or stuff I haven’t listened to in ages, like I did today. It’s a mind expanding little trend, and so far it’s terribly enjoyable.

Going home in about a week. Lots of fun things to do while I’m there, at least I hope. There should be a good dose of peace and quiet there, something I find myself in search of far too often.

I made it a goal for the summer to read two books in June, July, & August but I haven’t started anything yet. That changes today. More mind-expansion. Must increase brain cells, figuratively anyway. In other media news, I’m hoping to see at least one movie this weekend, maybe two. This recent desire to visit the theater stems mostly from the fact that I haven’t had money or time to go see anything since “Watchmen.” I still don’t have the money, but I do have the time and my need has grown too great to deny. Top candidates to see this week are “Anvil: The Story of Anvil,” “The Hangover,” “Angels & Demons,” or “The Brothers Bloom.” Ideally, I would see all of these. But alas.

Isn't Enough

2009-06-03T09:37:00.002-05:00

Current Tunes: Hail of Bullets – Ordered Eastward

It’s the mid-point of the week and it’s gone by so quickly. Time doesn’t fly when you’re having fun, just when you’re getting older. Or more responsible. Sometimes those words are synonymous, older & responsible.

So I’ve been getting my little blurbs published here and here. Check them out if you want to see more of my writing on the Internet. I’m enjoying my internship thoroughly. I’ll get the career I want if this all works out, at least I hope I will.

One of the other more interesting challenges I’ve been taking up this week is trying to go as long as I can without going to the grocery store. I’m trying to eat all these other food items I have sitting around in the cupboard. Cans of green beans, chili. A quite large bag of rice. Soups. I think I have 2 more pieces of bread left, which will inevitably be transformed into a ham and cheese sandwich. This is menial to you, the reader, I’m sure. But for me this is a fascinating test of strength and will. A constant battle to deny the impulse to grab the car keys and bolt for the Kroger. Or worse, Taco Bell.

I ended up missing both Isis and Testament shows. This absolutely destroys me. But I didn’t have the money.

Regardless of this fact, I’m boiling over the pros & cons of going to go see mewithoutYou this Saturday. I’ve seen that band five times already, but sometimes five isn’t enough.

Sunshine

2009-06-01T12:43:00.000-05:00

Current Tunes: Behemoth – Conquer All

My time of awakening this morning was 6:45 a.m. How awesome is that? I had a menial piece of bread with apricot preserves on it for my breakfast, then washed down a vitamin. After that, I bolted straight down to the gym and ran for a half hour. It felt super-good to exercise.

Then after showering, I officially started working at my internship with Box Office Magazine. A slow start though, nothing officially exciting. Worked on one quick news blurb, had a conference call with my boss and the other interns. I think I’m quickly impressing my boss over the other interns, which is of course all a part of my grand plan. Soon, they will realize my greatness! Bwahahahahahaha!!

All in all it’s been an exciting morning. Exciting because I feel responsible, even if it wasn’t all that much to accomplish. There will be slow days, and I should be grateful for them. The mistake would be to wish for all the days to be like that. Must learn to appreciate and respect the wave that is life; sometimes it goes up, sometimes it goes down.

Creating Habit and Instinct

2009-05-31T15:25:00.003-05:00

Current Tunes: “L.A. Confidential” on TV; good movie.

It's a long post, but it's worth it. At least I think so.

Note #1:

I had a quaint little idea pop into my head today. Only current/former Magic players will get the analogy, but nonetheless I must share.

I realized for quite a while I’ve been living a life where every turn I skip my upkeep phase. It’s a very important phase; it comes before your one free draw every turn. That draw is your resource, your reward. But first comes the upkeep, where you pay your costs and reap the benefits of the cards that demanded this sacrifice.

So what are upkeep costs in normal life? Cleaning your room, doing dishes, working out in the gym, eating healthier, etc. I skipped these activities far too often and lots benefits & resources as a consequence. A more in-depth example: the past two weeks I’d been feeling physically (and as a consequence, mentally) quite rundown. I couldn’t find any energy or strength to pick myself up. Today, I worked out and that short investment gave me confidence and energy to do more things, like do a blog post today and clean up my room more.

I need to stop skipping my upkeep. I need to maintain my life on a day-to-day basis., in order to be healthier, productive, significant life. Day-to-day is the key part. I maintained my life before, but mostly on something more like a bimonthly basis. Frequency is key. Success is achievable.

Note #2:

I’m giving new thought to incorporating something into my life that I have all but rejected the past several years. After attending a friend’s wedding at a Catholic church last week, the experience left an impact on me I haven’t been able to shake. I think I want to find a spiritual/religious organization to devote myself to.

What I desire out of this idea is one simple word: community. Friends are much like community, but they are still different. My friends, I love you all, but not many of my friends share my specific spiritual/philosophical views on life, politics, the world, etc and I want to find a community where I can come together with a sizable group of like-minded individuals with the same (or close to the same) ideals and outlooks that I have.

I’ve considered that perhaps a religious organization is not what I need, just a group focused around atheists & agnostics. But the one thing that kind of group is missing is ritual. The ritual of the wedding was what had grabbed me so much. The magic and mystique of the ritual is what attracts me. I can't explain it much deeper than that. A sense of power comes over me when I think about the execution of the rites and traditions. I want to be a part of that.

Though I have certainly eliminated Christianity (along w/ Islam & Buddhism) as options for this venture of mine, I have to admit it would be somewhat ideal to just go to Catholic service for years and years. However, I don’t think it would go over well to just explain to the congregation “No, I don’t believe in God. No, I don’t want to be confirmed. I just want to hang out and enjoy the community and ritual.” I think they’d consider me something close to psychotic.

So beyond some atheism group, there is one serious option I’m considering, that for now I won’t mention because of plenty of stigma attached to this group of people; I don't want to frighten or confuse anyone right now. I’m trying to do the research; learn about different teachings & sects. I want to make an informed decision.

Even with all this said, it’s a very real possibility that I could find myself trying to attend services or meetings or whatever for whichever group I choose to try out, but I’ll still pretty much be an atheist at heart, not truly believing in the teachings just attending and enjoying for the sake of being around people.

I don’t think this will be an easy search. But I have confidence I can make something of it. Ideas and suggestions and thoughts are always welcome.

New Plan

2009-05-27T12:21:00.003-05:00

Current Tunes: Isis - Hand of the Host (Can't stop listening to this album!!)

So last day of class for the Spring ’09 quarter. Sitting up here at the school, making final polishes on my paper for class and I’m posting to take a break from looking at this paper I’ve been sweating over for the past week or so.

My reward for all this toil (well, besides the reward of education and self-improvement)? Isis tomorrow. A few message boards were throwing around words & phrases like “dull,” “boring,” and “I wish I had brought a blanket and pillow” to describe their set on previous stops on their tour, so I’m a bit dismayed. I mean, I know they’re not KISS or anything, but come on! It’s Isis!

Anyway, I made preemptive plans to visit the beach in the last week of June with the birth mother. Burnicus Maximus perhaps accompanying. Planned activities for beach-time-fun are as follows:

- Read a book (top candidates are “Atlas Shrugged” & “Fargo Rock City”)
- Get some found poems written from previously acquired notes
- Drink alcohol in a dirty, run-down, shack-like bar with view of the beach
- Osmosisize some Vitamin D from the sun
- Being not stressed out

I have as well been informed of my nomination, and likely confirmation, as First Mate of Captain Burnicus’s new pirating crew residing within the governmental entity of Georgia. A trip to the ocean would function primarily as research for my pending position with this organization. I must indeed prepare a potential manifest of crew members/lackeys/gophers.

Also, a notice for the Alabama community: I will be visiting your great and glorious (ha) land in the approaching weeks for a somewhat extended period of time. Prepare for my arrival.

Detached Distraction

2009-05-24T20:08:00.003-05:00

Current Tunes: Mastodon - Oblivion

Just two more days of class and another quarter in the books. I need this week to be over, soon. I want to move on to the summer. I want to move onto making my thesis come alive. I want to dive into the internship. Oh, data entry. Never thought I’d be excited about data entry, but I am.

I’m so ready to move on that I’ve been procrastinating my final assignment for class to the absolute extreme. I don’t give a flip about it; I just want this quarter to go ahead and get out of my life. It’s time to move on. It’s not that much work though; I just need to do it, get the grade, and let it go from there. Just finish out, not much farther to go now.

There are other peripherals that are competing for my interests. Namely, Isis on Thursday, graduation for J&A on Saturday, also Testament on Saturday. Couple of weeks and there’ll be a big LAN party. That’s a big event. Don’t even know if I’ll really be gaming that weekend, but it’ll still serve as a fantastic party, hang out with great friends.

I need to stop making very stupid decisions. That should be a priority. Anyone else have this problem? Anyone other there that makes the correct decision 100% of the time? If so I really need to talk to you.

You know, I thought this would be a good summer for movies but right now I’m really underwhelmed. I can count movies this summer I have interest in on one hand: "Transformers 2," "G.I. Joe," "Inglorious Basterds," "Public Enemies," "District 9," & "Moon." OK, well that’s actually six films, so just barely two hands. I kinda want to take "G.I. Joe" off the list actually; with all the evidence present currently, it will probably be horrendous. But still, ninja fights & the possibility of Cobra Commander side-gags cannot be dismissed.

American film making is not holding my interest right now, I'm sorry to say. Just general popular film making in general isn't holding my interest. Last year's "blockbusters" really only had two homeruns with me: "Quantum of Solace" and "The Dark Knight," and "QoS" I only saw on dvd, in the past couple of months. I'm going to start consistently investing my movie-ticket-money in films @ the art house, I hope. There's so much more potential, so much more value in the films I see at places like that.

Anyway, know what time it is? It's time to be responsible.

Something Not So Negative

2009-05-21T13:25:00.003-05:00

Current Tunes: Isis - Ghost Key

Man… Two weddings inside of about one week. Whole world’s gone and gotten itself in love. Crazy stuff.

Don’t know if I want any part of that mess right now. All the business of just trying to form myself into a professional, driven, creative, worthwhile, healthy human being is a feat of strength in and of itself. I’ve been told before I need to find someone, and that might be true, but I also need to do what’s probably years’ worth of self-improvement in a much, much shorter time period. I’ll be lucky if it doesn’t kill me, ha.

I have this fantastic vision of what I could be, and I want to get to that so badly. I want that more than I want my Master’s right now, I think. It’s a difficult task for me to be balancing these things. I sometimes wonder if soon I’ll be forced to make a decision between one or the other.

The encouraging thing, however, is to look around and see how many friends, people I care very much about, are doing super wonderful things in their own lives, improving the quality of their being. I think certain incarnations of myself would look around and instead of being inspired, would be jealous. Thankfully that person isn’t sitting at the keyboard right now and hopefully he won’t show up again for quite some time.

The most appealing thought for me right now would be to pack up my laptop, head out to a bar tonight, sit at a booth and order two pitchers of beer and drink them while I just sat there and wrote. Wrote whatever came to my head, wrote those found poems I’ve taken notes for, wrote anything.

Beyond writing here, I haven’t done too much writing for myself, none of that hardcore therapeutic poetry writing I used to do in the dead of night, back when I was alive and powered under my own mind and ambition. I should obey this compulsion. I should just do it.

Too often I have great, wonderful ideas. “It would be great to do” this or that. But it never happens. I should make a record of every thought I have like this, and then just do say two of them every week, no matter what they are. Just actually go and do these awesome things instead of just sitting around thinking I can’t have adventure in my life.

And despite my earlier comments, I have to admit it would be nice to go and have this wonderful night of writing at the bar with a woman. But what girl in her right mind would want to sit through such utter nonsense? Reality is… not a bummer, but something close. Something not so negative.

Light Another Candle and Release Me

2009-05-17T20:03:00.000-05:00

Current Tunes: Radiohead – Morning Bell/Amnesiac

So welcome to my new personal journal/blog/brain-dump/mess hall. I’m very excited about my new writing life here on blogger and I’m sorry a few of you have to go through the annoying little processes of being allowed to view this blog, but it’s a small price to pay for the insider’s scoop into my mind and world. Amirite?

Don’t have anything super special planned for this post, just wanna do the usual rundown.

J&R’s wedding on Saturday was a small miracle, one that I feel very privileged to have witnessed. Got to see a few old friends who’ve been far too distant, and it’s very good to know they’re all doing so well. The ceremony was very touching; I especially liked how private and modern it was despite still including the usual traditions. If I were going to get married, I would like for my ceremony to be a lot like theirs. Congratulations to the very happy couple and I very sincerely wish them not only a happy life, but a fruitful, successful one as well.

After the wedding, had an interesting lunch with E in the Ham. I wish Al’s would move to Atlanta; I know that’s selfish of me, you’ll have to forgive my horrible sin. Then it was back to Atlanta, a quick change of clothes, then out to Duluth for a massive drunken celebration. How massive & drunken was it? Genitals were exposed; I’ll leave it at that. Not mine though, just to clarify.

Spring quarter coming to a close, then I’ll have a good solid month of ‘break time’ where I’ll likely be slaving away at my internship. Still very pumped about this internship; in its early stages it’s shaping up to be quite the little adventure.

Despite a post a while back on LJ about how I need to abandon video games, I have to say its been a very fruitful & nostalgic experience getting to play lots of Street Fighter 4 the past week or so. I’ve rediscovered that series. Well, rediscovered my love and passion for that series anyway. Back in high school, I played Street Fighter Alpha 1 & 3 until my fingers were bleeding. Feels good to be churning out hadokens time after time again.

Finally though, I want to make my official welcome to all of you on my new blog/journal and I sincerely hope you’ll stick around. I’ll devote myself to updating frequently, just for you.