The Return

Current Tunes: Ole’ Nessie – Mastodon

So I took one whopper of a hiatus it seems. That’s not unfamiliar ground for me with my blogs. I’ve got a track record of just disappearing for sections of time and such was the case for the major part of this fall. Two and a half months I’ve been gone, and I can’t make any good excuse. No, I won’t make any excuses. That’s something that has to be gotten rid of.

This past quarter of school was quite challenging for me, and I feel like I barely survived. I learned some new things, discovered that I can dig inside and find a way to push myself when I really need to. I still don’t think I’m some vanquisher of adversity, but I’m possibly apprenticing for the title. I wanted to give up so very much, but I didn’t. I should feel very good about that; I should feel better about it than I do. Persevering through class was a triumph. Like always, I guess, I highlight my failures and forget my successes.

The time for that is done and over with though. I’m putting together a toolbox. It’s sturdy, and it’s going to someday be filled with all the things I need to complete the tasks I have ahead of me. I’m tired of falling victim to the same foolish mental fallacies and faults that pave a path to disappointment and despair. I haven’t written anything in a long time, not really written anything. I’ve put words on a page; I’ve organized them into documents. But I haven’t churned out anything that feels like a creation. Just products. That’s coming to a stop though. I’m rediscovering my love for the overwhelming power of creativity.

I’ve had to sort through all the distant memories to find what I needed to get back to a place where writing is a love and not a chore. I remember being locked away in my apartment in Tuscaloosa so many years ago, where I ended up writing some of the best things I’ve ever written in my life. I remember nights just sitting at my desk with lit candles and Bryant-Denny stadium lit up across the street. I remember a time when I didn’t have to force the writing, when it just happened. Subconsciously, I knew I needed to get back to that place, and so I tried all sorts of stupid, foolish methods to get back there, none of which worked. I think I’ve come to realize I don’t have to go back to that place; I have to go back to me.

As for the future of Quantifiable Darkness, one major problem I had was a complete lack of schedule in regards to when posts would happen. That is a thing of the past. Starting today, posts happen daily. That's right, daily. Expect the same fun-time hodgepodge of media commentary, political rambling, personal accounts and other general mayhem. Sometime after Christmas Day you can all tune in for my end-of-the-year "Best Ofs," which has mostly been compiled but is on hold until a few certain films have been viewed, including "Antichrist," "Avatar," "The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus," and "Up in the Air," among a few others. I'm especially excited about my "Biggest Disappointment" sections, now not just in music, but for the TV & film components as well. Joy of joys!

I’ve returned, and it feels good to be back. You should know this isn’t the only thing I’m going to write tonight either. As soon as this gets posted, I’m getting to work on something else, one of a few different small projects I want to try out. Hopefully writing up a small essay or a few poems will jump-start me into finishing my thesis in the coming two weeks.